A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my ex in May.By mid of June, he starts to contact me again. At first it was about some important things then later he started asking me personal questions like if I have a new boyfriend and other stuff about my family and friends.Then first week of July, he insisted to see me which I agreed. At first our talk was decent, he apologized and said his life was miserable since I left. He acted kinda weird as he was shy but happy and behaved like there were so many things he wanted to say. We talked and talked. Later that night, he asked to hold my hand and we ended up hugging. He said he missed me so much and missed my hug..we hugged for hours. He invited me to spend the night with him as he said he was so exhausted about our break up he needed a break. But I refused. The day following that, he complained how stressful his life is and that he was confused with it. He has financial problems and also there were a lot of activities in his family he was busy about (wedding, vacation etc). I knew him to be a person who gets easily depressed with problems..even small problems. But I asked him if he wants us to get back and told him i don't want to waste time.He answered me with a NO. Saying if I can't understand him and wanted a quick answer, then he has to say no. He begged me to understand his situation.I kept asking him the whole week and he replies telling me to leave him alone for the moment. Until I got fed up and sent him my last message to say that I added him on my YM coz I deleted it during our break-up. It was up to him to add me or not. It was my last peace offering and told him it would be my last message..I have said everything anyway. But he did not add me.The next day, he added me. Then he went out of the country for his brother's wedding which he was so busy about the previous week as it was exhausting him financially and emotionally.Do you think there is a chance he will change his mind and get back to me? But I want him back so badly. He is a good person and I don't want to lose him. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): I have learnt this myself the hard way, but seriously, stop waiting around for him he doesnt even sound like he deserves you to. Forget him and get on with your own life, noone deserves this kind of chasing. You have laid it on the table that you want to get back with him, he has said no, so look at that as YOU have tried to make this work and he has said no, take comfort in the fact you have done all you can. He will know that the option is there to get back with you. But ask yourself is this what you want? So often men use the "my life is so stressful" excuse, but whether its true or not we all have these problems. The difference is, if you are really in love with someone you would never let those problems stop you from being with them-they should be the bright spot in your stressful life! He is being selfish and you need to start being a bit more that way, think about your own life and moving on to someone who is less all about themselves and more about you x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Starfairy!The funny thing is, I decided to pressure him about getting back with me but before I did that, I read posts similar to my story and most of the advises say there that we should not waste time guessing our ex's mind and that we should get the answers so we will know if we should move on or not.So that is what I said to my ex that night but instead I got minus points from him and he rejected me and even became angry with me. LOL I guess the advises didn't work on me. To be honest, I wasn't expecting him to react that way. But as I remember my messages, I sounded like I was threatening him to accept me or he will lose me forever. And it turned out he didn't like it, he was in the middle of too much problems and I was adding to it. (you are right!!)Knowing him, his negative response meant "don't threaten to leave me because it already happened...I am too exhausted now to deal with it again" That is why, after 3 days of chasing him, I gave up. I have nothing left to say, I said to him. It's all up to him.Actually, I am learning to let him go but if you ask me I still want him back so badly. But I swear I will not initiate anything again. If he comes back I will rejoice but if not, I really have to deal with it.
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (26 July 2009):
 My initial thoughts after reading this is that no, you won;t get back together...I think you harassed him into giving you an answer on whether he wanted to get back together when I think he came to you because he is having a stressful time in life at the moment and needed someone to talk to, and you just added to that by constantly texting him about your relationship.
I know it's hard when you really want to be with someone but he's saying he needs space to sort himself out and it doesn't seem like you're giving him that?
You need to give him sopace, let him come to you when and if he is ready.
I personally would concentrate on moving on, getting my life moving forward, if he comes back into your life you'll be stronger and more able to cope...x
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