A
male
age
41-50,
*df41
writes:Greetings Everyone,So here's lies my issue and I hope someone has gone through a similar thing. My girlfriend and I had been dating for roughly 7 months. The relationship was really great, we got along wonderfully, and seemed to click fast. We vowed in the beginning of the relationship to always tell the truth no matter what and we stuck to it.It was no secret that my girlfriend had relationship issues. She had a hard time having someone in her life, and at the age of 27 I was the first person she said, "I love you" to. (Random fact that may be important, her father left her family when she was young, her mom checked out mentally, and she raised 3 kids on her own.)Intimacy was never a problem and in fact, was probably the greatest sex I had had in my life. Cut to recently, her work called upon her to work more hours. When I say more hours, I mean 13-14 hour days. We started seeing less of each other which was fine to me, but sex stopped completely and she was very distant. When we saw each other, she was always tired, cranky, and frankly, took her work issues out on me.I was becoming very unhappy in the relationship and through our vow, told her so. She agreed that what she was doing was unfair, so in an effort to "not hurt me" anymore, broke it off.Now, this wasn't what I wanted, in fact, I would have begrudgingly marched along to stay with her. I told her this, we reconciled and attempted to try again, but it was even worse, and I made the decision to step away. Her and I still talk, not daily, but when it is convenient for her (which for me sucks, because if I reach out to her, it will take forever for a reply but when she does it to me, I will always reply promptly.)Because of our vow, she has said that when work settles down, she would love to get back together again, however, she doesn't know when that will be. She has mentioned to me that it she wouldn't be mad if I moved on, which sucks to hear because I don't want to, and wouldn't want her to either. So my question I guess, is what should I do? Keep pursuing this or give up on what I think could be a wonderful relationship given the right timing?
View related questions:
get back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2013): I admire that you have taken your vow seriously, but it appears as though she has not. I don't buy for one second that she's working that many hours. Ad if she is physically at work, I would venture to say there's someone there that's drawing her in. Even if that weren't true, don't be second best to anyone, even if your competing with her job. Find someone, who can truly appreciate you and keep their priorities straight. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (12 January 2013):
Hi there. It seems the main source of your problems here, is the longer hours she is now working.
And as a result of this, she is tired and cranky, and so has very little energy to pursue the relationship.
And she clearly sees that as unfair to you, and so doesn't expect you to want to wait around for things to change regarding her job situation.
Especially as she has no idea when things at work WILL change.
So really, everything there is very much up in the air, isn't it?
At this point in time, she can't offer you anymore, which is why she chose to call it off, for now.
Surely, her work doesn't have these 13-14 hour days planned for any great length of time.
No-one can keep that up for very long without getting sick and worn out.
13-14 hours every day, is equivalent to about the work of 2 people!
Surely, they intend putting another person on?
In the short term.
Have you asked her how she feels about these extra hours each day?
Is she happy about it?
Just supposing her day begins at 7am, well then 13 hours from then would be an 8pm finish.
And 14 hours would be 9pm.
It doesn't leave ANY time for life!
And if she begins her day at 8am, well then it's a 9pm finish for 13 hours.
And 10pm for 14 hours.
And you can add another 2 hours for a 9am start.
Bringing it up until a MIDNIGHT finish!
That's outrageous!
Surely, it must be overtime for those extra hours?
But even so, who can possibly keep that up for anymore than a week or two?
No matter how young and fit you are, it's an impossible task.
The only thing you can really do, is to organize to see her at some time when she is free, and sit down with her and talk about the possibility of her working less hours on the job.
That is, without losing her job, of course.
And you DO need to know this, to get some idea of what the chances really are of giving the relationship a REAL chance to flourish.
I would be making this a priority, sooner rather than later.
And once you have chatted to her about everything, well then it will be time for you to make a decision.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 January 2013):
 I wonder if it's work which called upon her, or her boss. She sounds like a workaholic. She is going to continually work 13 hours a day, probably for more than a year. She does not know if she an keep this vow. You have to be honest with yourself, whether you want to be with a woman who cares more about her job than you. Given her background information I would guess her upbringing made her to be emotionally unavailable, and she won't allow any right timing even when the right guy comes along.
...............................
|
