A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is this a bad sign?I'm interested in a guy I met through an online dating site. I've met with him four times already now, we've had coffee, a dinner/movie date, picnic at a park with drinks then at a lounge. For the next date he suggested I come over to watch a movie.My question is this: is this a bad sign that he's not interested in something more serious? Or am I overanalyzing this? I just assume that being at his place is his way of hoping "things" will happen. I definitely am looking for a serious long term relationship. He said the same on the second date after he brought up the subject. I haven't dated in a while, so I'm just worried this is his way of trying to make the relationship more physical without there being some intent for something long term.What do you think? Is this a bad sign? Or is this a normal progression of things? Any insight is much much appreciated, thank you!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2016): Hi,
Thanks for your feedback!! It helped me greatly in putting things in perspective but also mentally preparing myself.
As an update, by chance I was unable to meet that night because my earlier engagement ran long (and he knew I had earlier daytime plans and that it could go long, so he was understanding). Instead we met the next day for a "proper" date. And we talked more about what we're looking for out of a relationship (marriage/kids, etc) which definitely makes me feel more comfortable about progressing. There is a whole new issue that came, but that may need to be a separate question after I mull it over....
Thanks again for your help!!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 April 2016):
 For dating to develop into more than friendship, there needs to be a level of romance/intimacy at some point. So wanting things to progress is not a negative thing! He wants things to develop, and you shouldn't see it as something negative, unless you don't like him that way. In which case, there is no point in continuing dating him.
Im not saying you need to have sex, but to sit on the sofa, watching a movie, snuggling under a blanket and kissing, I don't see why you would be against it unless you don't like him romantically. In which case, again, there is no point in continuing to date him.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 April 2016):
 And just to mentally arm yourself, sad though that sounds, there’s a popular movement here which suggests that you wait 90 days before giving up the cookie. (Ahem)
That time frame will weed out the people who are not in it for building a relationship.
If in doubt, don’t put yourself in the position of fending off unwanted physical advances in a place where you can’t get help easily if he turns out to be a sexual predator. A decent guy will get that.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 April 2016):
Your intuition is saying to you “this isn’t quite right, I can’t put my finger on it but it doesn’t feel right.”
So, rather than go to his place to watch a film, pay for the two of you to go to a first run film.
If he says he wants quiet time to get to know you, then find a nice quiet restaurant.
Or set up a double date with friends.
I would be very clear with him, you are in your 30s and he presumably is in a similar age range.
“I’m enjoying getting to know you. I hope you feel the same way. I have to tell you that until we are really clear and comfortable with one another, there’s not going to be physical intimacy.
Be clear, be honest, I think is your best bet. A guy who likes you will be happy to wait for physical intimacy. A guy who has a different agende (i.e. super-fast and no-commitment sex) will bug out. The bad news is that you spent some time getting to know him. The good news? He’s gone and your time won’t be wasted on the dead weight known as ex possible date dude. :)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 April 2016):
 Not necessarily. I would not go to his place without telling him that you are not ready for anything physical (that's if you aren't), and before you are sure of a few things. That you and him are exclusive; you have sparks and starting to fall for each other; you are confident about the relationship; you have trust in what he says about his life, career and his goals for the next few years. Some guys will try to get sex out of the way, but certain standards need to be met first. I am sure he would agree with you that, after sex, you want to feel closer to each other more than before, instead of "done deal", feeling cold and withdrawing afterwards.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 April 2016):
 I don't think at the 5th date that it's "too soon" to visit him at his place, I would just be firm if you are not ready to advance it to sex yet, to make that clear.
Can be he wants to show his more "domestic" side - as in that he has a nice nest and can cook. Can be that he feels it is easier to actually talk to you, when not out in public.
If you two aren't exclusive and you aren't comfortable going to HIS for a "date", then suggest to him, you wait with home-dates till you ARE exclusive w/title.
Honestly, I have not been to a guy's home on a date where he didn't try and "advance" things. Once was even a first date. So I get your apprehension. And I think it's OK to say, I prefer we keep the dates to public places till we are on the same page.
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