A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I was really curious about something. I feel like my current boyfriend is a man I can marry and have children with etc. We get along very well and keep each other laughing. We support each other in our dreams and careers. However, I don't know what it is, I keep thinking of the powerful chemistry I had with a former friend. It's not like that with my bf. We were never intimate but kissing him made my heart beat so fast, being in a car with him made me breathless. He was a great man who I truly admired but I couldn't date him because I was scared. He revealed a lot to me including that he did heavy drugs. I respected him for getting over the addiction but it has damaged him...I really cared for him but we'd argue out of nowhere despite us both thinking ourselves as non-argumentative people. I had to drop contact. My question is: how can you love someone and still feel mind-blowing chemistry with someone else?
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (23 April 2016):
 The grass is always greener on the other side. When we get whatever we want, there's no appreciation for that; instead, we crave for more. More excitement, more fun, more money, more everything.
You have an amazing boyfriend yet you're lusting for someone that you know wasn't right for you. Do you really think you'd be happy with the former drug addict, arguing about everything for the rest of your lives? You're just romanticizing it and trust me, if you were really with him, you wouldn't be 1/10th as happy as you are right now.
You seem to want to destroy something good, to sabotage your own relationship. Let go of your current boyfriend. You don't deserve him and he deserves much better.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 April 2016):
 I think that having an attraction to someone outside your relationship is completely normal and probably very common.
Are you still having the chemistry crushing thing going on despite this being a dead relationship? And wondering how to get rid of it?
I would generalize and take the continuing crush on a dead relationship as a sign that you would prefer to focus your energy on the crush and not on the current boyfriend.
The new boyfriend may be great on paper as janniepeg mentioned but if you aren’t totally into him then I would let him go so he can find the woman who is TOTALLY into him. If he’s a great guy then doesn’t he deserve total devotion by his woman? Right? I know, I’m right.
Your current boyfriend isn’t the one. You’re working too hard.
Let him go; he deserves complete and utter love and acceptance. As do you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 April 2016):
 There are men who are good on paper, and men with traits that make them very attractive to women. They two are almost always mutually exclusive. If you are talking about the unexplained, intense feelings, it's really no mystery. Science and biology dictate what females are attracted to, but when it comes to real life, bills, children, responsibility, we look at credentials, compatibility, and ability to get along. High testosterone may drive a man to do risky things. He may be ruggedly, manly, and be a smooth talker when dealing with the rough outside world but when it comes to home life and taking care of children, he may be useless.
People have different views on what love is. What it comes down to is whoever can ride it out long term. Some feel that love is butterfly feelings, and extreme passion. At the end when you are old and when you need support, the one who's been loyal all this time is the one who truly loves you.
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