A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 44 years old and my boyfriend of 2 months is 59 and is divorced with 2 children of 27 and 25 and last week my sister turned up at my house saying that she has left her husband and told me that she has been put on anti depressents by her doctor and has nowhere to go so i took her in and when i told her about my boyfriend she said that at his age he is far too old for me and that i need to get somebody my own age, as i have not yet slept with my boyfreind yet as we had planned for me to go out to a restaurant with him and then go back to his flat and he said that he would make it special for me. when i arrived at the restaurant he was there with his daughter and he told me that it was off in me going back to his flat as his daughter turned up at his flat and that he said that he could not sleep with me with her in the next bedroom and i told him about my sister turning up and he said that he did not want to come back to my house with her there and i suggested going away to a hotel and he said no outright as he does not want to leave his daughter alone, is sex important as the way i see it we wont sleep together until my sister goes and his daughter leaves.
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (8 November 2014):
Why are you asking if sex is important? There is a clear expectation from both of you in this relationship, that at some point you are going to have sex together. Presumably, this is something you both want to happen, so yes it’s important. Did his daughter just turn up that evening or is she staying with him? If it was just that night, there will be another occasion, and he should tell anyone who wants to visit he has made plans. Otherwise, if his daughter is living with him and your sister will continue to live with you, one of you is going to have to ask your guest to make themselves scarce so you can spend some quality time together. This isn’t about whether sex is important or not, it’s about you finding time to yourselves and telling your guests to go out one night if need be. As an aside, your sister is being very narrow-minded judging your boyfriend’s suitability solely on his age, many couples have an age gap and make it work. The issue isn’t how many years separate 2 people but whether they are at a similar stage in life, and want similar things from it.
I wish you all the very best.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2014): My guess is he just wants some genuine privacy. Even a guy wants his "first time" to be special sometimes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2014): Yes sex is important but by his age the urgency is probably not there like when he was younger. He may also be nervous because it is your first time and he is not comfortable doing it with other people in the house, especially a sister and daughter. Some people are like that. Not good or bad. Just is. I mean, think about it, there is a 15 year age difference. He may be worried about his performance, whether he can keep it up long enough to satisfy you etc. You are much younger and in your prime. He is well past his. He is probably very aware of this. So, I do not see it as him not being attracted enough to you. He just seems methodical in his thinking. Maybe thinks different than you do. I think that as younger women we just want to jump but he is more mature and maybe he can put the reigns on things a little better. Maybe he likes things planned out whereas you are more spontaneous. It is just a mind set. Remember men his age were raised in a different era. So we need to be mindful of the age difference sometimes. Or you could just ask him what you are asking us. Open communication is not a bad thing at all. He may not like the idea of a hotel for your first time. Might be too impersonal for him. I would suggest telling him how you feel. Be honest. And you will get your response from him. I am sure it will make you feel better. We tend to worry it is because he is not interested enough. I doubt that is the case. Good luck.
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