A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a question about online dating. If you are against this form of dating or think it’s wrong or whatever, please don’t lecture me on that, I only want thoughts on this situation.I stumbled on eHarmony a few weeks ago by pure chance and before I knew it I’d answered all their personality questions. I then got matched with about 5 guys and one in particular really interested me. I however decided to leave it alone and if any of the guys were interested they’d contact me first. The next day I get a communication request from the guy I liked the most. He asks me these 5 pre-set questions. In order to answer him I had to pay to subscribe to the website. I took about 5 days to think about this and decided to give it a go. So I signed up, answered his questions and sent him my questions. The next day he asked me for a photo. Fair enough I thought, he wants to know what I look like before going into further contact. So I post a few photos and then nothing from him. I assume then that he didn’t like what he saw so he stopped the contact but then I find out that he hasn’t even looked at the photos (you can see who’s viewed what and he hadn’t) and is still indicating he's interested. I then decide that the whole thing’s a scam and forget about it and cancel my membership. Three days after I cancelled my membership and two weeks after the last communication I get an email that he’s viewed the photos and answered my questions. Although I’m still suspicious I go to check his answers. Out of the 5 questions, 4 of them he chose to answer in his own words instead of picking a pre-set answer, showing me he put some thought into it. I also liked the way he answered the questions.So then I send him the next round of communication and it’s been about 3 days and he hasn’t been online again. I am again wondering if this is a scam and whether this guy is real. If what he says is true, he’s a doctor and so I thought he’s probably working funny shifts and is busy but I don’t like making excuses for anyone. I’m a lawyer and I’m busy too but if I want to I can find the time to log on and respond.Do you think this is a scam, a fake profile to keep me on the website? Perhaps one of their employees posing as this guy to get me to stay on the website? Since I cancelled my membership, it runs out in about 2 weeks and won’t automatically renew unless I pay again.I could be right and I could be wrong…but what do you think? He seems ok, no red flags in the profile or anything like that but then again, it’s all online and there’s no way to know. I have seen his picture but that doesn’t tell me anything.I thought I’ll just leave it alone but what if I get a response from him just before my membership expires? Although it would be very suspicious, it could also be coincidental…I just don’t know what to think about this.Your thoughts? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, BrandonP  +, writes (21 February 2009):
There is no way to be sure that this is a fake profile or not unless you go meet this person. Nobody in this forum knows any better. eHarmony employees don't know any better either.But I have to ask you this:Is it impossible that this person takes three days to answer because that is how he is?Here is what you ought to do: Focus your attention to other matches. This one obviously is not that into you.(Isn't this exactly what you'd do if a guy who asked you out takes at least 3 days to return calls or touch base with you?)What happened to the other matches that eHarmony sent you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): I read to your third paragraph and skipped the rest. Basically this is how online dating services work:
1) You're given an infinite trial period. If you want to contact anyone, you'll have to upgrade your account to a paid subscription. For some sites, women get a discount and in other times, get a free full trial.
2) ALL dating sites will have a few fake accounts. This is the company who owns the site to populate it. I know this because I've created a few dating sites for clients in the past.
3) There ARE scam sites out there, but eHarmony isn't one of them. You can usually tell if it's a scam site by looking at the design of the site, the contact information of the web site and the country of origin - seems like stereotyping, but unfortunately, I know what I am talking about.
Ultimately, you just need to be wary of any web site you visit. The best advice I can give you is to find a few dating service review web sites that give you a comprehensive review of the various dating services online. Try these:
- http://www.dateseeker.net
- http://www.consumersearch.com/online-dating
A site with a cookie cutter look or a site with a crappy layout are usually a bad idea.
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A
female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (20 February 2009):
 I feel I'm qualified to answer this one as someone who has tried a number of online dating sites, including eHarmony. The thing with paid dating sites...I don't think they're a scam, but I do believe they're unnecessary. "Find Your Soulmate for only $29.95/month!!" just doesn't cut it for me. As far as the guy being fake...I couldn't tell you either way on that one. Perhaps you could give it another go and see if there are any weird coincidences again?
If you're looking for a great, FREE dating site, I recommend plentyoffish.com. I've been a member on that one for quite awhile...that's where I met my last 2 boyfriends, and now my 3rd. :) In the end, go with your gut, and if you decide to meet up, be safe! Let me know how it goes!
masq
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