A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi.me and my boyfriend have been together 3 months. its a very loving and close relationship, infact we both agree it feels like we've been together 3 years rather than 3months.anyway, the past week has been difficult. i know it cant all be perfect all the time, but i had got so used to his loving ways, the sweet words he always says to me, and "that look" he gives me that shows that he loves me, the way he smiles when i speak etc, but things have changed. its as if he has got so comfortable around me now he thinks he "has me" and doesnt need to try anymore. and its upsetting me a lot, it has got pretty out of control and caused a few arguments.ive been in previous serious relationships before and know that the "honeymoon period" cant last forever, but the way hes treating me is hurting me a lot.hes never had a serious relationship before me and cant be quite childish, could this be part of the reason?i know i need to talk to him and be honest, but i know he'll take it the wrong way, get upset, i'll feel guilty, apologise and then nothing will have changed.can anyone please help me sort this out? id greatly appreciate it!thanks! x
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female
reader, Isa123  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 It's common and utterly normal that you are quite upset about the honeymoon phase being over.Having said that, it's always after the honeymoon phase where couples are put to the test. Can they handle not being "lovey dovey" or being like how they used to be? If your boyfriend is acting this way, it's because he's now comfortable around you.If you want to spice things up, it never hurts to experiment (date wise). Instead of going to the usual places, do something new! Talk about new topics.It's always great not to share absolutely everything about yourself in a short period of time. Surprise him! Make him feel like he's learning something new about you everyday.Good luck sweetie.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): There really isn't enough information here to really tell you what the problem is. That said, three month relationships are the norm for men who are impulsive and over the top affectionate and bond quickly..someone this impulsive will unbond just as quickly.Going in you have to know that you can't expect a relationship to be on solid ground in only three months time. The first three months are mostly about brain chemicals causing those feel good feelings, largely ifatuation and lust are at play. If you already find that you are arguing and feeling like the honeymoon is over, you may either have an impulsive, immature man that is in the process of pulling away permaently, or you are finally taking the "love goggles" off and seeing that you two are not compatible, don't have enough common ground like values, preferences, spiritual and mental connection to make a lasting long term relationship.You have to accept that the infatuation stage is over and now the attachment phase is starting. If you aren't attaching it may be for a good reason.
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