A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship for over 2 years (living together) and I started to notice that my boyfriend's drive sex had decresed a lot in the past 2 months. Before it used to be almost everyday. After a year and half... every 2 weeks.. and now ONCE a month. I try to initiate things, but he is tired or not in the mood. He knows how I feel about it, but still ... no improvement.When it happens it's something quick. There is no kissing... and i love kissing. It's just something very plain.I read a few articles saying that it changes with time, but I want to hear the public opinion .... if it's attraction is not there, if it's really because things changes .... what it could be.I try to keep myself in good shape, inovate, but I am getting a little dismotivated since I don't see any improvement.I know he likes sex a lot. It was different before.I am looking forward to hear some feedbacks.thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks you for your viewpoint, it is very helpful to hear your experience.. I wonder if there is any males perspective on this topic
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 I had the exact same problem with my ex - when we were first together sex was fantastic but then throughout the duration of the relationship (we were together 2 years) it slowed to about once a month or once every 2 months.
I was very unhappy about it, I talked to him about it frequently yet nothing changed. So perhaps it is natural for it to slow down over time, but the key thing is that if you are not happy and want more, yet he is ignoring you - that is when it becomes a problem.
I personally am fairly easy-going when it comes to sex, I'd happily have sex daily but then again I'm ok with sex once a week. If it starts to get less than once a week I start to become unhappy about the situation.
I made my ex aware of this time and time again, I tried dressing up, trying new things in bed, you name it I tried it but he still was not interested. In the end that was why I left him - I felt so unattractive and unhappy that I couldnt stay with him any longer and be ignored. When I told him why I was leaving, he said to me 'why didnt you tell me it was so serious'. So really the issue was he knew I was unhappy with the lack of sex but wasnt taking me seriously and didnt believe he needed to change anything. If I had given him an ultimatum (i.e. told him that if we didnt have sex more frequently then I was leaving) he would had taken more notice and made an effort.
I personally am not a fan of ultimatums, I think if your partner doesnt take your feelings seriously until he gets a big threat that you are leaving then he is not the right man for you, he should listen when you tell him how you feel and make an effort to change things.
The attraction should still be there, that should not be the problem - because if you are no longer attracted to your partner after only 2 years you have no hope for the future when you go old and grey!
I think a bit of slowing down in natural. But if it slows to a level you are not happy with, and your partner ignores you when you talk to him about it - then you have a problem on your hands. I'm not sure what the best way forward is for you - you obviously wont want to end up like me and my ex where we split because of the problem, but I dont recommend an ultimatum either because as I said before I'm not keen on them.
Perhaps relationship counselling could get to the bottom of the problem? Or a very serious chat between you and your boyfriend to explain the extent of your unhappiness and that you are worried that if you do not have sex more frequently then the relationship will come to an end. Make sure he understands how serious this is for you, my ex did not realise how bad it was and he said if he had known he would have made some changes - so perhaps with some men you just need to lay it down on the line with them and make sure it gets through their thick skulls that this has the potential of ending the relationship if this is not resolved.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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