A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok I live with my boyfriend and id like to know your opinion on the matter of money.We both work for the same company just different departments therefore we both get paid on Fridays. So every Friday I have a standing order of £75 which goes into his account…the only thing is I sort of resent it.Ofcourse I will explain;He owns his flat so he pays a mortgage on it and said that I would not be paying any part of this because it’s his flat and my name will not be going on it so he pays the mortgage and insurance.He has a loan to pay off…his loan is £300 a month and of course yet again not my loan therefore I’m not paying that either.The bills per month is just…well I’ve seen what he is spending and we rarely ever have the heating on (flats always just nice and warm) so his gas bill is very small, around £400/600 a year.We are £10 a week on electricI technically still do not live with him therefore his council tax still has a 20% reduction and is just over £70 pmTv is £50 pm….we only have freeviewHe pays £50+ pm for phone and internet but we have neither…his internet has not worked since before I moved in and ive lived with him almost 2 years and the phone broke a year ago, bought another and its not the phone it’s the line but he has never got either fixed nor cancelled the contract so I cannot even use the phone I have to use my mobile which I pay for myself. And I plain and simply have no internet unless at work as my phone is old.I know there is also contents insurance and boiler insurance but they are not much per month so as you can see Im wondering what on earth I pay for.Every month I am giving him £300+ and for what? He said mortgage and loan are his and I will pay half of everything else….if you total up everything else it comes to less than £300.I have a student loan of £5000 which I would someday like to be non-existent and I also have a student account with an overdraft of £-2000 and it is maxed out. Before I met my bf I had £3000 and now I have £-2000. Im struggling. I have him to pay, I have my car to pay (£170) I have petrol to pay, my insurance, road tax and im trying to pay off this over-draft and failing. I pick him up from work and take him to work most days, we go to Aberdeen (an hour away from where we live) we go many different places infact and quite often and he never gives me money for petrol and we always go halves on meals…he never just treats me but I have treated him many times and when we go grocery shopping we go halves with that too but before it was me who paid atleast 75%+ that’s how much money has managed to go down so quickly. Which im paying for now because it’s a struggle to make ends meet.What Id like to know though is do you think that £75 a week is reasonable?Does that genuinely seem like a fair amount that someone would be paying?I feel as though im the one who is paying his loan or his holidays; he is saving around £100 per week for holidays (festival this coming week and the 2 nfl games later this year all which he is leaving me at home and didn’t even invite me)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): If you have lived there 2years then he should be on full council tax because it is not single occupancy. He could get done for that.If the internet and phone line do not work why is he throwing £50 per month at it? If the TV is freeview you do not pay, the clue is in the name FREE so who is he giving that £50 to? Something is not ringing true or he is unable to control his finances. Nobody throws cash at bills for services they do not get.Why are you paying half for groceries when you pay £300 to live there, it should be included. Why do you taxi him around he should pay toward your car, fuel,MOT or WALK.Leave,make plans to do it and fast before you end up in serious financial trouble yourself. He is using you so he can have a social life. When he gets back from the festival let him find you gone for good.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (8 June 2013):
of course you are being taken for a ride. he is basically using your money to pay off HIS loan when he has said your name wont be going on the mortgage/flat. this indicates he doesnt see a long term future with you and you definitely need to change something here and SOON.
you give more than enough towards groceries and treats, spending your money on driving him about and you paid almost all the groceries until you finally went halves on them.
you need to tell him all this and you need to be prepared that this relationship might end soon, but you would be better off single and broke than in a dead end relationship and broke forever.
sorry if I am blunt but I think you deserve better. x
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (8 June 2013):
 Hi
Unless you move back home you would be paying about the same in any house-share. If you lived alone you would pay a lot more bills and probably not have much left for clothes etc
If you feel he is profiting unfairly from this arrangement then say so, you should be able to go together to festivals, holidays or at least afford the same for yourself.
Write the sums out and give him them explaining why you want to reduce the 'rent', he may see things differently when its black n white. If he doesn't and there's no compromise then move out. You don't have to end the romance but he may. Finances are a tricky area.
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