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male
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anonymous
writes:I'm 19 and I have a problem. I seem like a nice and smart guy (and I think I'm attractive) = I have good confidence and people think I'm funny. But whenever I start meeting new friends that are girls when I have the courage to ask them out they always say it's best we stay friends we can't ruin our friendship if it fails. Is something wrong with me? Do girls just like bad boys?
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reader, moomoomoo  +, writes (10 December 2006):
 God I've seen this question so much in books as well. Apparently, the bad boys only possess certain qualities, and it's not because they're bad. You just have to emulate some of hteir qualities that attract a lot of women, and as for your "stay friends " problem, I think that can be solved with more flirting and building up a lot more romantic attraction before asking them out. Give it more time. I also think that you don't want to go in the direction of friend when you do these conversations, you have to keep teasing them and not act as the "good friend" that is there to do whatever they need.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2006): I answered a similar question like this not long ago, so I am going to paraphrase to you, what I told that young man. Do girls just like a bad boy? Oh yes, a lot do and I think you need to just try to not allow the woman you have asked out, try to get you down. Because frankly, if they prefer a bad boy over a nice guy..then do you really want them? Martini made a good point when he stated "maybe you have to step back and see what type of girls you're going after"
I, too always wondered why some females like the crap that bad boys dish out to them. A woman who likes the bad boys plainly does not always use her head and cannot discern his lack of character as being something a bit dark and disturbing. She thinks blindly with her heart due in part, to usually a lot of emotional immaturity. Add to that a lack of self-esteem are very huge motivators plus the inability to rationalize and recognize abusive behaviour and having a very screwed-up view of love. But it derives mostly from her not asking herself why "she deserves this crappy treatment?!" Some women never realize that when a man makes them feel this low -that this is not love-this is just something insidious. Women like this sometimes get stuck in this cycle of abuse, low self-value, their entire lives. That type of lifestyle then becomes a familiar pattern in her life (if you can call that a life) and then again...some women get smart, they mature and say 'enough' to the man who treats them badly.
A lot of these women crave the exciting feeling..the challenge of possibly changing this bad boy into a good, decent person. It's a useless way to think and serves no purpose in her life, does it now and she will get absolutely no lasting value out of a man like this. So there you have it, hun. Take heart...if you are a guy who is wondering why the 'bad boys' get the prize...guess what..she's not a prize at all! And neither is he. Sad but true. You want the girls who have confidence, who are independant, have self-respect and pride. It's those girls you will 'not' see with a jerky bad boy. She'll go for an amazing, wonderful guy like you. Guys like you make eventually make the best husbands and the most loving fathers. There is a kind, caring female out there for you. You just have to go through the experience of 'weeding' through the girls in your life, to get to her. I think you should feel fortunate that , the girls that are attracted to the bad boys don't want to date you, because you might find if you did date them, you would find out, they are not for you, after all. So don't waste your time on these gals who like the bad guys and keep sticking you in the friend zone. Just keep being smart and using your head when discerning who is right for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2006): There's nothing wrong with you. This is a personal preference to those girls. Also, "Do girls just like bad boys?" have been asked like a billion times here at DearCupid. I can assure you that no one will say yes to that question, cuz it just isn't universally true. It's like asking, "Do all men only go for porn stars?" [laughs] I can tell you that question does not have a definite yes answer.
Plus, I am sure you haven't asked that many girls out. If you've asked say 10, and they all say no, well, maybe you have to step back and see what type of girls you're going after, and how you can actually relate yourself to them.
For example, I am attracted to quite a few women, but I weigh myself with them - what are our short term goals, what does she like in men, who has she gone out with, why would she like me, what type of person is she, what are her interests, how can she relate to me, etc, etc, etc, etc... Mind you, I don't need to think a lot on that. It's very automatic - like a split moment analyse.
Think about that. Just gotta have an alternative mode of perception Mr. Anon. Who's willing, what's possible, and how that might turn out.
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