A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I dated a girl long distance for 6 months. She decided she wasnt ready to commit enough to the relationship to move and be with me. I offered to move to be with her but she declined. Since then we have stayed in touch and stayed friends. I have dated a couple girls and she has dated a couple guys. We are both single now and we both have admitted we are still in love with each other. We have been making plans to meet and see each other, be intimate physically, and see how we feel face to face. She doesnt want me to visit her and she doesnt want to visit me. She wants to meet on neutral ground. Im confused. Although she says she loves me, could not imagine me out of her life, considers me her best friend, etc she also says that she is still not ready to commit to me totally, the thought of marriage, family etc scares her (she is 26) and that she doesnt want me to wait around for her bc she is thinking she wont be ready to settle down for several years. She knows that seeing each other is going to have us possibly falling deep in love again, yet she doesnt want to entertain being together? She said she really wants to see me but Im guessing she may come up with a reason not to...I really think we could be amazing if she would give us a shot. No one has replaced her in my heart. Should I just pull the plug on the whole thing? I feel like she is keeping me on as a back up plan. Even when she was dating someone else she did not want to lose our friendship. Her and her last bf broke up because she would not stop contact with me. What is going on with her? Should I break away clean? If she isnt going to give us a shot then I need to figure out how to move on. I love this girl very much, but I want more. I would move to her if she would entertain it. I want to say all of this to her in person, but if she backs out I guess thats my answer. I dont want to play games but I feel if Im not there for her anymore, maybe it will jar something loose inside of her. There is a part of me that feels she doesnt deserve my friendship if Im not worth making the effort to date...help????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2008): hiu
A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 I don't really understand her logic - if she loves you that deeply, then why not just be with you?
If she doesn't want to get in too deep, then you don't have to...?
Maybe you just need to tell her point blank - I can't do the "friendship thing". I want all of you or none of you. Tell her you are willing to wait for X amount of time.
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