A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My question mainly revolves around the question, does a leopard change it's spots?I was dating a guy for 5 months. I'm 25, and can honestly say I truly felt I was in love with him. We were from totally different backgrounds and he is totally the opposite of the usual type of guy I go for, but we worked so well together. He treated me with such respect, I was his princess.I knew he had a bit of a rough past - he didn't have a very happy childhood, got into drugs in his late teens for a few years til his 20's, but had given it up 6 months prior to us getting together. (It was mostly smoking cannabis but on weekends it would sometimes be cocaine) In that 6 months, he had only touched drugs once - I trusted him to tell the truth. He was going to 'one to one' counselling for drugs/alcohol abuse, and also group therapy, both weekly.I've never really done the whole drugs scene - I've experimented briefly and left it at that. I had a very stable, happy and loving upbringing, the complete opposite to his life really.We actually broke up 4 months ago - it was a combination of many things - me going through a stressful time with work, my family/home life and my health, plus he had begun to smoke cannabis again. It was literally 2 or 3 occasions of him having a smoke with friends, but like I said, the combination of everything got too much and I walked away.For 3 months he was good - he didn't go near the drugs, apart from having the odd smoke. Then he seemed to go on a bender for a couple of weeks, he said he just gave up on everything.He came to me earlier this week and said he wanted to try to turn over a new leaf again. He basically fell off the wagon but wants to become the person he was striving so hard to become before.I love him so much - I didn't tell him this, or reveal any feelings apart from letting him know that there were still some feelings there for him. I'm not attracted to "bad boys" or guys who treat me badly (he didn't), but I just want to know what people think I should do? I told him that perhaps in a few months, if he can show me change, then I would consider getting back together, but I'm just scared of setting myself up for disapointment, and at the same time worried about letting the only person I have ever felt this way about slip through my fingers...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): If you decide to give it another chance (and he stays clean - no cannabis either) then I wish you well and good luck. However, you say in a response that with your split he lost his support system and went back to his old friends and was sucked back into his old habits. For both your sakes, if you do get back together he needs to widen is social circle and support network so you are not carrying that burden. You cannot be his guardian angel as it will only put additional stress on the relationship and tear you down yourself.
A
female
reader, lotus mama808  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 The thing with marijuana is, it isnt addictive....it just isnt. The side effects are: procrastination, hunger, tierdness, laziness and for those who don't use it habitually, the "giggles". My mother has a terrible nervous system disease called multiple sclerosis. Her docters, for as long as I can remember, put that poor woman on some hard core drugs, many of them. They did nothing for her, in fact, many gave her side effects that she ultimately suffered from. Finally, she met a docter that prescribed her cannabis. She now posseses a license to carry and to use, and it is helping her in so many noticable ways! And when she does use, she is not out of her usual character. I say this to you because you say you have no experience with this and the best way to understand how your boyfriend feels about it is to be educated.-With that being said, I do feel at some point in ones life, it's time to grow up. Sure, it is a great thing for people like my mom who need it medicinally, but for healthy people like your boyfriend, it is a costly pasttime that may also stop you from getting important things done. Some people can handle it so well, they make very good money, hold together a great family, etc., You'll be glad to know that it won't alter his judgement as much as alcohol does, not nearly as much, so if he calls you stoned and tells you he loves you, he really does. Because it isn't addicting, he can totally stop any time. He might be a little grouchy, as marijuana mellows people out a lot, but I stopped after smoking everyday for 12 years, no problem. I know many people that have. Don't be discouraged, and don't be too hard on him. He is using the lesser of evils as far as "drugs" go. I'm glad to hear that you won't tollerate certain behaviors, and you shouldnt have to. All I'm saying is get educated on it so you know how to handle it. Goodluck hun.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should just add as well that when he was giving up the drugs he also stopped seeing pretty much all of his friends - as they were all into drugs also and he knew it would be too much of a temptation to see them.
When we broke up, I think he felt he lost his support system (me) as he doesn't really have anyone else (his family aren't interested at all in him), and he turned back to friends who weren't good for him.
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