A
male
age
51-59,
*ikeEdwards
writes:Hello. My girlfriend and I met online a little over 2 months ago. We "clicked" instantly... in every conceivable way and were on the phone talking to each other within hours after first interacting online.At this point, we have not yet met in person. We have spent HOURS every day talking on the phone and getting to know each other very intimately. In fact, I can honestly say that this woman knows me as well as anybody already, despite the fact that we have never actually met.She is 22, currently lives about 1,000 miles away and lives at home with her parents. We have discussed the probability of her moving here at some point, but obviously that is just discussion and such a thing would be well in the future. There are many other steps that would have to take place well before that, which we are both aware of.But here is my problem... 10 days ago, she abruptly stopped emailing or calling me and did not answer my calls. This was on a Saturday. I tried calling several times for 2 days and sent emails. Then I received the following reply on that Sunday:"hi, again, i am sorry for worrying you. i wasn't feeling good on friday and most of saturday even though i was out all day. i slept from the time i got home until about 4 am, then was only up for about an hour and fell back asleep until 11 am this morning. i am so confused by this relationship we have, i know i shouldn't be, but i am. i really think i need to step back and just have some time to think. i know this isn't fair to you, i am sorry. i loved the time that we've spent getting to know each other, and you really are amazing, but i am not sure i am ready at this point in my life to continue this or make the big leap to move there. it's been on my mind a bit, but i didn't want to worry you, which i've ended up doing now anyway. you are the most wonderful person i've ever met (not met) and i know we would be so happy together, but i just don't think i am ready for that next step. i know you say you can wait until i am ready but that's not fair to you and i don't think i can continue just being online/on the phone. not that i don't love talking to you, i do, it just confuses me and makes us both want something more, even though the timing isn't right yet. please just give me the time i need to sort things out. i can't talk because last time we fell right back into 'us' and i am not sure that's what i need right now. i really am sorry, you don't deserve this, someone treating you this way. i am very ashamed at myself for doing this to you, again. i am sorry for worrying you and for what i am doing to you. i know you are going to be upset and sick, and that hurts me more than you know."This was last Sunday. 8 days ago. Since then, I have received an email and e-Card from her (which was Wednesday), but that's it.Obviously, she is torn and confused. What I am struggling with is that we've not even really gotten started with giving the long-distance relationship a chance and I have NOT pressured her into moving here at all. On the contrary, I've told her that I can wait until she's ready (which she referenced in the email).I guess my question is... does anyone think they know what is going on here? I have since stopped trying to call all the time and only sparingly send emails, text messages, etc. I've also told her that I understand, that I am not upset with her and that I love her enough to give her the time she needs to sort out things and get back to me.But how long should that take? To be honest, this is CRUSHING me. It's been 10 days since we last talked and I miss her so much it hurts my physically. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't concentrate at work. And I have lost 8 pounds already. Just to hear her voice right now would mean everything to me. And it's all the more frustrating that the only way I know how to get in touch with her is via email or her cell phone (I could also call her at work if I really had to, but I won't do that).I miss her so much and this is tearing me apart. Is she trying to distance herself from me to leave me? Or is she really trying to focus things in her mind so we can either move forward or decide something once and for all?To give you some more perspective, she and I have already shared that we truly love each other and both feel we are soulmates and that this is the person we are meant to be with.So how can this be happening? What could be going through her head, and how is she able to put me through this much pain (I know she is a very thoughful, loving and compassionate person too... so it makes me even more confused). Does anyone think I will hear from her again? And how much time should I give her? How long should I wait before I try and contact her to discuss things once and for all?I feel so lost and alone right now. Please help.Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): I would say she sounds really confused. This MAY be because she met someone else and is torn between you and the other guy. OR, she is just flat out confused about the situation with you. Either way, I would just say you probably need to find a way to put her out of your mind. For me, anger works well. Be pissed about how she's treating you. From what i read, it wouldn't be tough to do so. Just allow yourself to feel it. Once you get angry enough, you'll be ready to move on. If she REALLY and truly wants to be with you, she will let you know. I'm currently going through a situation with the love of my life. I'm like you - I'm broken without her. In my case, I'm trying to read her mind. Obviously, that never seems to work. If she really wants to be with me the rest of her life like she claims, I will know it. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): She could really be freaked out by her feelings for you or maybe she lied to you. maybe she's hiding something? write her an email telling her exactly what you've just asked the Aunties. Tell her how you feel. And then drop the intense emotion down a notch...good luck!!
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT  +, writes (2 April 2007):
 Hi Mike,
You have only know this woman via E-mails, phone, text messages etc...for two months and yes, you may of just clicked right away like you have stated ,which is lovely as finding someone to click with is hard...
But you have both talked about her moving over 1000 miles away from her home away from everything she knows, and this is without you both ever meeting in person, this may have scared the life out of her and caused her to back off a little...(it would me and most women)
She obviously doesn't want to hurt your feelings and she is still keeping in contact but not as often as you would like, you need to give her some space even if this means less than you would like, but its better than NO contact at all....
Tell her you respect her feelings and maybe you both moved a little too fast and your willing to slow things down for her, you are both still getting to know one another this should be an enjoyable experience for both of you so chill out and enjoy it....
Given time I am sure you can meet, maybe she is scared to meet in person too, its so easy to communicate via e-mails and the telephone much harder face to face, but respect her wishes, when she replys to your e-mails you reply to hers, don't inundate her with loads awaiting her attention, ask her when its okay to call her too, she will respect that your giving her her space and if its what she wants then she will let you know don't worry and GOOD LUCK
Let me know how you get on all the best
Donna x
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