A
male
age
41-50,
*orontoGuy
writes:Lost. Confused. Anxiety ridden. Depressed. Contemplating ending a relationship with a woman a care deeply for. I have been on edge for months now about where my "serious" long distance relationship is heading. I care about her very much and i want us to be happy together, but lately i feel like she isnt capable of giving me what i need. I want the passion, excitement, intimacy and joy we felt together for the first few months to return. She seems to be going in reverse - not saying or showing any tokens of affection and withdrawing herself emotionally. I have tried to give her a bit more space for her busy life, but its starting to make me resent the relationship (we already live 300 miles apart and see each other once every few weeks). She tells me sometimes that she misses me, that she wishes I was there and that she cares about me and for a day or so that is enough for me to hear. I'm sick of chit-chat conversations and I want us to open our hearts to each other to build something meaningful. How much time and space do I need to give? Anyone else exprienced a partner growing distant? Its starting to affect my trust in her. We NEVER talk about sex anymore and we've only been together for 5 months. I need some affection and passion in this relationship. We've talked about it briefly and she insists she is just busy and too stressed and overwhelmed these days. She says that she is not satisfied with ANYTHING in her life. She told me she fantasizes about packing up and moving away to Alaska, or taking a job in a far off city or what not. All of these things hurt because it makes me feel our relationship is not a priority to her at all. I cant help but wonder if there is more to it. In a letter I told her to let me go if she doesnt love me. I cant handle being just another thing that is fit into her schedule. She said i was being dramatic and that she doesnt want this to end. What am i entitled to expect from my girlfriend? My needs are not being met right now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): It's been just 5 months..things shouldn't have cooled this much. Trying to figure heroutis confusing you , making you feel down and resentful. You deeply care for this girl, if she's not returning your affections and attentions. You could ask her what's going on first, but to me, it sounds like she not at the same place as you are in this relationship. Sometimes people in long distance relationships do this. It starts out well, the feelings and passions are hot, but then one or both people hit a wall and they shut down. Complacency, boredom, tedium, lack of motivation sets in. If she was determined to make this relationship fly, she'd be putting in bigger efforts. Your instincts are telling you something isn't quite right. Listen to that voice in your head. This is a sign she's not the one for you. Feelings in relationship flux and change with time. If she was headed toward being that very special lady in your life, she wouldn't be doing this. Simply put, anything less than dating is not really dating. Don’t date anyone who can't put in the hard work it takes to make a relationship the most awesome it can be. You deserve a woman who can give openly to you and wants to move this relationship up to the next level. Give this up and move on.
A
male
reader, spiffjackson  +, writes (2 April 2007):
 Im going through the same thing right now, only I live in the same city as her. So, we see each other every weekend. I can feel your pain so much that I wrote an entire song about it one night. You can listen to it here:
http://redfizz.com/rf/song.aspx?&songid=345444
I guarantee you will relate to this.
I noticed an over night change in her that sort of freaked me out. The title of the song is "Freaked Out". Since I have listened to this song a million times now, I have grown past those worries and concerns. I am more relaxed and I just relish every second I have to spend with her. I have no expectations when Im with her, and she really appreciates that. Patience is the key here my friend. Don't worry so much.
Clint Parker
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT  +, writes (2 April 2007):
 Hi babes,
You have been dating for 5 months now it is only a short time honey and your relationship is 300 miles apart, you have found a busy woman who sounds content with herself and you want more.... Well thats great, but maybe she has not moved as fast as you yet every relationship is the same normally its the woman who feels like this....
Just because she has not moved as fast as you doesn't mean you have to start dis trusting her.....
This is still the honey moon period where your getting to know one another properly so enjoy it, you need to find things to keep busy and happy so your just as contenet with yourself aas she is....
Tell her your feelings are growing stronger towards her find out if she has experienced any bad relationships problems (this could be a reason she is withdrawing)......
Give her her space don't be pushy and nature will take its course I promise, its hard when you want more and it seems they don't but being pushy will only push her further away, be understanding and if you truely love her time has no end......
Good luck
Donna x
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