A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a very close female friend and perhaps I'm just reading into it too much but it seems to me that she's the girlfriend he's never had. When she walks into the room, he lights up and shouts out her nickname. When he talks to her, he's always touching her somewhere. He hangs out with her frequently but only when I'm not around. She's had issues with me telling him she feels that I don't like her. I guess my jealousy shows? Is it normal to feel uncomfortable with this situation or is it me just being jealous? Please help!
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 Coming from a single woman's perspective, who believes and respects a committed relationship, I guess I would not "hang out" with a man who already has a long term partner when his g/f is away. Unless, I knew his partner really well, and she trusted me completely and was comfortable with the idea.
I actually had that experience in the past, where a good male friend of mine was living half-way accross the world from his wife. He and I used to go to parties, dinners, movies, festivals, etc etc as friends only, and our circle of friends knew this. He and his wife often called each other (cost them a fortune on phone bills), and I often just "shouted" my greetings to her while she was talking to him on the cell phone. Then of course, if we were in a party, all our friends did that too LOL. I talked to her on my own too, no problem there. The other big difference from your situation though, is that we never touched each other! Except for the normal brief hugs and pecks on the cheeks as we said hello and goodbye.
So my advice is, try to set aside your current prejudices now, and make a concerted effort to get to know her. Invite her for coffee or shop for something together (preferrably something for your partner). It is a symbolic yet strong gesture, without so many words, to let her know that you and your partner are very committed to each other. Hopefully that would make her "back off" a bit. Or, that you and her may actually become good friends. However, if she then came to him with more complaints about being not comfortable with you, then perhaps she does have issues or a hidden agenda with him.
If your partner loves you and is committed to you, I am sure he will listen to you and will only see her when you are around. Some men need to be told what to do at times LOL
Good luck!
Cat
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Yeah it is normal to be unconfortable and perhaps a little bit jealous of his close relationship with this other female.
Thing's you must consider though are things like, how long have they been friends? This matters in that they probably would have gotten together a long time ago if it was ever gonna happen, if they've been friends a long time, then maybe it's time you viewed her a sort of sister figure to him, you wouldn't get jealous if she was his sister would you?
I wouldn't worry about it too much.
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