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male
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*iedermayer
writes: I am in a difficult situation with a lot of moving parts. I guess the best thing for me to do is lay out the situation and fight out what risks you might identify.I am dating a girl from work. We spend time together about once/twice a week, she tells me she loves me and it feels great everytime we are together. The sex is monumental, she is super-hot, and we have a ton of fun. Also, we have fun chatting all day at work. This is the good part.The bad part is that she clearly still has strong ties with her ex-boyfriend. Though she denies anything is going on, I am fairly certain that he thinks they are still together (which makes me the other guy, which I hate). I am not sure, but I think she is flat out lying to me andd tells him that they are together. Also, I often don't get return calls from my calls or texts. . and I always get some kind of excuse. Also, she does a lot of things and just writes them off as "hanging with the girls", which I know is not always the case. Also, a few instances. . .First, she went away for the weekend with her "ex-boyfriend" on her Birthday. I found out the truth and confronted her, but she still denies it. . .Its almost comical. Second, she threw him a 28th Birthday party and lied about it. Also, I have heard her talk about the start of every relationship she has ever had. . .They all start out with her "test-driving" another guy before she ends her previous realationship. I am wondering if she is test-driving me.So here is the ccomplicated part that I need advice on. The sex is legitmitately addictive. I know she is poison, but I can't seem to figure out how to say no. On my end, I continue to meet and date new women and if I found someone I wanted to be serious about, I would break it off with this girl from work. However, in the meantime, I am enjoying what time we do spend together. My concern is that I might be getting in too deep, even though I don't see it. Also, the fact that we work together complicates things. I would love to walk away and have tried. . .But I seriously can't leave the sex. I also hate playing "stupid" and going along with everything. . .I would call her on all this stuff, but that really does me no good, since I have no interest in a long term arrangement. Despite the fact that I know this, I am nervous that I will get hurt when this ends. . .I consider myself a pretty smart person, but I know I am being stupid in this case.Any thoughts or recommendations? Thanks
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male
reader, niedermayer +, writes (9 October 2006):
niedermayer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Katylouise
This is actually very helpful. . .I do feel like I have lost a lot of self-respect in all of this, which I hadn't really focused on too much in my cocnern for what she was doing behind my back.
I think it'ss be a tough road, but I do have to proactively break ties. Only then can I do this on my terms and feel good about myself.
Very helpful!! Thank you.
A
female
reader, Katylouise +, writes (9 October 2006):
Even the smartest person can get hurt in a work relationship how do i know this? Cos im in exactly the same situation right now! I really like the guy im seeing from work but i know there can never be any more at first i thought that maybe there could but eventually it sinks in. You say you enjoy the sex the only reason you enjoy it so much is cos its technically forbidden. Work relationships are always interesting as they shouldnt really happen but it feels that good when it does that it becomes addictive. I think if you can start to understand that this girl is using you in more ways than one then you can decide if you want to carry on having sex with her or ditch her and gain back your self respect.
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