A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, to make it quick, I'm in the military and was away for some time in Afghanistan, I returned home after 4 years, but I noticed somehow my girlfriend rejecting me in some way, she isn't returning my calls, she doesn't answer my emails, could there be something wrong?I asked her, she says everything normal.Can someone tip me? Thanks in advance, very appreciated.
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (17 August 2009):
 Question, are you back home now with some stability or will you get called to go somewhere for another assignment? If there is a chance of the latter, then perhaps she is distancing herself and now allowing herself to get close in case you leave again.
I will share that when my guy went into the military I was there 100% for him and it really hurt when he left. Letters (no internet back then) meant to keep in touch started out great but then it just hurt to know he wasn't here. After a year of him being away he came back and the relationship had changed. I struggled to find the "us" we had been and sadly, the two of us just couldn't move forward. He gave up and moved on.
Had he been patient, I think we could have found the new us because in hindsight, he was the love of my life. I'm not setting out to give you false hope but all I will say is that when people are young they change quickly and when two people don't change together they grow apart. A lot of effort is required to get the two lives back in cinque.
Best of all to you and I hope it works out for you.
A
female
reader, Original shiraz!  +, writes (17 August 2009):
Its really difficult but you have to imagine how it is for her, she has to adjust to a life without you and the pain that must cause her you should feel too, you have your job and she deals with her life and time has forced it into seperate directions.
Shes saying its normal but i bet the whole things thrown her, people hate being in situations they have no control over and the nature of your job means she has to accept whats thrown when its thrown and theres not a set way of dealing with it.
You need to meet with her and talk face to face, four years is such a long time make it worth it, if shes held on for so long i doubt shell give up so easy she probably just feels defeated in that she wants you here full time to lead a normal lifestyle together.
The fact that shes not telling you shows how much respect and understanding she has to your job but at some point the two of you need to find a way forward.
I cant give you a tip as you say i just think that honesty, reassurance and your devotion to her proving the love is still there will be enough to get you back on track. If you love this girl then give it all youve got.
Shes hurting and its hitting her hard, try and understand that and help support her in some way.
Im in no way saying your to blame there could be a variety of reasons that she appers so distant, maybe she doesnt know how to fall back into what you once had? Maybe she feels too much change has gone on?
Youll never know unless you talk to her, face to face give it all you have to make it work.
Shes stood by you through so much.
Hope all works out for the best, good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): dude, it sounds to me like this girl has found a new guy and doesn't have the guts to tell you. She feels that if she keeps distance between you that will make you give up and she will be off the hook.
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