A
male
age
51-59,
*xio
writes:Hi, I am a 40 years old man and have been married for about 15 years. My problem is, I am mad about my wife's sister. She is sooo gorgeous and entirely sexy. I cant stop thinking about her. She is also married and has 3 kids. But she is a wonderful person. She is about 2-3 years younger than me. I fantasize about her, about making love to her, about her breasts, legs, vigina...I think I'll go crazy.I think she feels me too, although I have never really expressed my feelings to her. A few months back, she moved to U.S. And I miss her really bad. We are in contact on facebook etc. I really adore her. My wife is good looking, and a lot thinner than my sister in law, and I love her too. But I think I love her sister about 1000 times more.What should I do? Shouls I confess to my sister in law how much I am crazy for her? I think she is not having a good sex life also. If she refuses, I shall be in a mess. But I dont think she will tell her sister. Should I tell her???
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): I know these feelings you have. My wife's sister, who is 7 years older than her and lives overseas, I am extremely attracted to and we get along great, and have in the past shared thinly veneered messages of love. In short, if I was not married to my wife, I would be married to her sister. That being said, I truly love my wife, am attracted to her and don't want to hurt her feelings, so am careful to hide my true feelings for her older sister. Don't be a Governor Sanford of South Carolina - don't be a fool! You don't have to go public and express your feelings to the world, nor would I express them over facebook or by mail to your wife's sister. Be more tactful. If you find, through more tactful and subtle ways, and are absolutely shure, that your wife's sister truly shares your same feelings, arrange a secret rendezvous, see if these feelings are real, then you can both have fulfimmnet in each other, while keeping your marriages sound, and your spouses from being unnecessairly hurt. I know what its like to love both your wife and her sister! Don't be a Gov. Sanford! Be discreet, and cover your tracks in case it doesn't work out with the sister, or you could lose everything. Leave no real evidence, keep your head about you and don't lose it emotionally or you will get caught. Yes you can love your wife and her sister at the same time. Keep the relationship with her sister innocent and platonic for now, because I'm seeing you now more like Sanford - heading for a world of trouble, not knowing how to work covertly. Be very smart about it, or you'll all be screwed. BTW - I have not so much as figuratively laid a finger on my wife's sister, mostly due to our long distance away, but if an opportunity comes, you can bet your ass I will have eyes on the back of my head and NOBODY, not even my wife's sister, will be able it furnish any proof that anything took place. People can change, and if they change against you, any such evidence will be the end of you, AND your marriage!.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): My advice for you friend is that you do not oblige to make your feelings known to her. It may backfire greatly and when it comes to matters of the heart, the heart can sometimes condemn us for our feelings we have. I understand exactly how you feel! For me it may be more magnified. My wife’s sister lives not too far from us, and when I say not too far, I mean less than one minute away walking distance. But understand this, since you seem to be a man of the faith-love doesn’t fight love! And if you truly love her more than your wife, you cannot continue to live a fallacy with your wife. When your heart draws you to a person, you have to know it doesn’t matter how others think. When you’re with that person, you feel good all over. And if you don’t feel that way about your wife over a period of years, then it may be you need to go your separate ways, but still don’t pursue the sister-in-law. Alfred Lloyd Tennyson said ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.’ If you believe it’s worth it to you, tell the sister-in-law because true love between two people is rare. But be prepared to hurt the ones around you if your feelings for her are to be made known. My sister-in-law became angry with me over something she thought I said about her and told her mother and brother I had feelings for her, and I never told her a word nor came onto her in the slightest way. I played it down, and it was short-lived, but my wife was told by her brother and my wife believed it. Don’t make the mistake I made. Move away quickly if possible, run away from this: it may be trouble.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): you have said you are religious and conservative. this should be your answer to your "problem". please, you also need to stop communicating with the sis in law via facebook, etc. keep minimum contact with her, even telephonically. don't betray your wife. or in turn you will be betrayed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): More judging to put you off. You can't be with your wife's sister. You have to control your sexual urges. It's like saying you are after your brother's wife. If you get a reputation that you are doing these things, like committing these acts, if a teenage girl says I was molested, with a reputation of being out of line and not controlling yourself, she would be believed. Be cautious about life. Keep yourself safe. Slink off discreetly to a massage parlour if you absolutely have to.
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male
reader, axio +, writes (18 August 2009):
axio is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlright guys, thanks for your serious and practical advice. Some of you were more judging than others, but most of you gave me the right advice. If people from your liberal society are against it, then I guess it will be foolish to try something like it here. So, I let it stay burried, for this life atleast. Thank you all!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): The grass is NOT always greener on the other side.
This is not the kind of love you're supposed to have for your sister-in-law, it's supposed to be PLATONIC, not sexual love.
Don't go there. If you just find you can't love your wife, do the decent thing and give her a divorce so she can find someone who WILL love her.
Brutally honest, but that's the truth.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): I would just tell her when you have a chance and see what happens next.I have been in love with my BIL for 3 years and he has been in love with me too. He hasn't told me verbally but in other ways, so a few months ago I told him how I felt via email (I was too scared to do it in person). He lives in another country so he tried to tell me that he is trying to move on.I felt relieved that I had told him something that I had been holding back for 3 years and I at least opened "a door" for him to talk about it next time we see each other if he wants to.Anyway, my point is that if you don't ask her you will never know for sure how she feels and life is too short.I know how it feels to love your partner but to be in love with his/her brother/sister and the truth is that this is something nobody looks for, it just happens.Hope this helps.Good luck to you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): Well i'm an honest person, and i don't think your doing so bad yourself on the A-hole scale for treating these two women like this!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): It sounds to me like this is just a sexual thing.... Lust... Not love, is my opinin. Enthatuation even!
I feel very sorry for your wife. It is a very sad possition for her, even though she does not know.
You should think about your wife and how she would feel... And the kids involved. You could break a lot of hearts and destroy two families in one fowl swoop.
Can I ask you a question? How would you feel if your sister-in-law's husband felt that way about your wife?
I think you should bury this. If you can't then you should leave your poor wife, and move away and bury it somewhere else.
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male
reader, axio +, writes (17 August 2009):
axio is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk. We were married 15 years ago. To be honest, I liked her more than my wife-to-be since day 1, when I saw them. But back then, she was engaged to her cousin. They were engaged for about 7 or 8 years back then, and apparently, loved each other. When I had married her sister, her engagement broke up, basically because her fiance' was an asshole. So, there I was. Like a good husband, I loved my wife and still do.later, my secret beloved also got married to another guy,who is a bit low on the asshole scale. It is not that I am fed up of my wife. But this burden of 15 years is too much now, so that's why I was thinking that I should tell her (wife's sister) how I have been feeling. As for the question if I am sure she has similar feelings for me, let me say that we are conservative people. Such a thing is considered nothing short of blasphemy. So, she cannot express herself inher right mind, as can't I. But, I have this intuitive feeling that she has always liked me, and would have loved to marry me had I not been her sister's husband.We are not teen agers, and both have families we have been raising responsibly so far.there is no chance that I might divorce my wife or destroy the family. Ahhhh! Don't know what to do...but thanks for your answers again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): Yeah i wouldn't go there unless you want 2 women gangin up on you (and not in the good way).
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female
reader, \m/J.D\m/  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 im quite shocked and frankly a little repulsed so . . . . . . . . I just want to kno, if your that in love with your wife's sister why did you not marry her instead?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): are you sure about what she feels towanrd you??did she ever flirt with you or gave you any signs that she is attracted to you??
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male
reader, axio +, writes (17 August 2009):
axio is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, thanks for your considerate and serious answers. I am not a sex maniac or playboy. I have been and still am sincere to my wife(as I haven't done anything yet). But I am only human;and have all weaknesses associated with that species. It is just that I am obssessed with her sister. I know if I had made an advance when she was here, there is a good chance that she would have acknowledged my feelings. As we used to meet quite often(in a family set up, of course), so there are lot of cues which make me think she also had something for me. For instance, she held my hand, and the touch was telling. Once I had a fight with my wife, and was staying at office for 2,3 days. So she came to my office and we just talked for some time. And we were on a very good frequency. At times I felt she liked to hug me whenever there was a chance, though not in the way lovers hug, but of course that would have been too overboard.My point is, I did not make any advances then because the stakes would have been high. We could have ended up in a relationship and everything could have been ruined.but now that she is away, we can't get physical. But emotionally, I may be better off if we could atleast know that we love each other. I am responsible enough and she has that much character that we won't actually go ahead and do the' f'thing even if she came back(although I want to). So, should I tell her? Or should this secret and sofar, one-sided affair be burried with me forever?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): Don't you think about any-one else but yourself? Like children, like their relationship. How did you ever get a woman to stay with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): If you managed to control your feelings/urgers when she was around then you can certainly do this with her being thousands of miles away. If she did like you, nothing would change because you still can't be together, unless you want to ruin yours and her families lives (and the distance is just a big an issue). Spend less time talking to her on facebook and more time focusing on your wife.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): "But I think I love her sister about 1000 times more" if you are in love with your wifes sister then why don't you divorce your wife. let another man fantasize about your wife, let another man touch her, caress her and make love to her, suck your wifes breasts, her legs and her virgina. then you can have your sister in law all to yourself. while at the same time your wife can be experiencing untold sexual pleasure with another man. very simple. a tradeoff.
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 If you were single (YOU'RE NOT) and she was single (SHE'S NOT) and lived close to you (SHE DOESN'T) and had expressed interest (SHE HASN'T) and was not related to your wife (SHE IS) I would tell you to say something. (I WON'T!)
Cut out the pipe dreams. Nothing is ever going to happen between you two, and I can guarantee that your marriage will suffer if you go ahead with this idea.
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male
reader, axio +, writes (17 August 2009):
axio is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi anonymous answerer: Thank you for your advice and answer. There are some areas where you seem to be looking right through me, like i place lot of emphasis on looks (dont all men?)You certainly seem well aware about our culture and religion. My sex life with my wife has been excellent so far (wild). I know I am not supposed to have sex outside marriage (all religions forbid it). Yet, I have feelings for her. Most probably, I would never go all the way with her, maybe I wont see her again for years, she being thousands of miles away. I have controlled my emotions for years when she was here. But should I not tell her at least?
And your last line really surprised me. Do you know me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): Cheating on your wife is not a good idea and this woman now lives in another counrty so it would be difficult for anything to happen. You're better off just fantasisng about it, trust me.
If she was still in the country you could have been subtle to try and get feedback from her as to whether she's interested. You can push your leg up against her at the table or wink at her etc, these things test the water. Perhaps try this is you ever meet up. DONT tell her over facebook, your wife will find out and you'll be left with nothing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): you place a lot of emphasis on looks don't you. i think you are taking a lot for granted. having an affair, in your culture, this i frowned upon isn't it. please read what your holy book talks about regarding fornicating with another mans wife. i think you are acting like a sex pest. i am sure your sex life with your wife is not good because you are not satisfying her. instead of dreaming about sex with the sis in law, dream about having sex with your wife instead. and you would also claim to be very religious as well?
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