A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, recently i have been seeing a woman who is a single mother. Things got quite serious around Christmas time and seemed to be going well. Out of the blue she calls to say we should cool things down.I was a little taken aback but agreed. A few days later i received a text saying i was a wonderful guy and wishing me the best etc. It was unclear if this was a text designed to call things off completely but it felt like it was.I discussed my confused feelings with someone close to me just to air them.About a week later i received a text asking could we meet up. I decided to meet up with her and she explained that she had freaked out and had regretted it almost immediately. We agreed to give things another go. Everything seemed to be going well. We went out last weekend and everything was as natural as it had always been between us. However at the end of the night she brought up that she heard from her sister that i had been talking about her during ourtime apart. She knew that i had said nothing bad but she said she was a very private person and felt embarrassed by the fact something had been said. It turns out the friend i had confided in had talked with her sister.Again, nothing bad was said about her. I had only discussed my own feelings. Anyway, we talked through it and she said the issue was solved. We got a taxi home and kissed goodnight and i asked "Are we ok?" and she replied with a yes.This week however there has been very little communication. So come Thursday morning i messaged her a general text asking how her week was going. She replied that night saying that she had had a tough week. It was really late so i text back i was sorry to hear it and that i would ring the next day. When i called the next night she didn't pick up.An hour or so later i got a text saying 'Hey You, sorry i missed you earlier. Hope you're having a good night. Talk to you soon.'I know she has children and that they are obviously going to be her absolute priority. However, i'm wondering if she is slowly backing off or if i should just relax and assume that she is just dealing with some personal issues? I don't want to contact her with my own insecurities if it's going to add to her woes but i am a little anxious. What do you guys think i should do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Folks, thanks for all your answers. We sorted things out. Turns out i need to be better at taking steps to communicate.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2015): Having been the girl in this situation in the past I can tell you exactly what is going on here.
She thinks you are a good guy. But is just not that attracted to you. Although in her heart she wants to end the relationship, she can't being herself to do it just yet as she thinks you really are a good guy.
Does she not contact you that often and not answer your calls sometimes ? And then be extra chirpy and apologetic when she does get back to you? She might also have someone else on the cards.
I would have a proper talk with her about what she wants and where she sees the relationship going.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (7 February 2015):
It's hard to know what's going on. In general, I wouldn't stick around to find out because I wouldn't want to be with someone that just leaves me hanging like that.
If her life is so stressful that you can't be a part of it that's a bad sign. Or if she just leaves you in limbo when she doesn't know what direction she wants to take things, that's a bad sign too.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 February 2015):
 To me it seems like someone backing out, but keeping you around, just in case she doesn't really want to end it. And I see it as her being a tad unfair.
You talking to a friend about relationship woes and YOUR feelings is OK in my book - if you were discussing your sex-life or her "faults" in great detail, then yes I can see why she got upset. BUT... YOU can (or should be able to) talk to a friend without her getting upset.HOWEVER, you might also consider whom you confide in next time. THE friend you told (who in turn told HER sister) is NOT a good person to talk these things over with. And IF I were you, I'd tell that friend that you are disappointed he/she used your private conversation as "gossip fodder". YOU do NOT know exactly WHAT this "friend" told the sister.
Asking her "are we good" is useless. Because IF she is on the fence with the relationship, she will just say YES to avoid further explanations. Ask her to call you when she has time for a "real" conversation. Then TALK to her. AIR it out. Ask her how she sees this thing working out?
Don't ASSUME anything. TALK to her.
If she has family issues or personal issues she SHOULD tell you, not leave you in the dark.
My guess is? She really isn't ready to be dating. But she KNOWS you are a good guy so she is half-assed "trying" to date you a "little".
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