A
male
age
41-50,
*anny78
writes:I have been with my partner for 5 years and we have been through everything together. I love her dearly but i am scared that my life as i have known it is completely changing and will change forever to suit her values and not mine.We want to be able to have a family soon. I am a very outgoing, adventurous person and material possesions are not so important. I work hard but feel life is more about having fun and seeing the world rather than career career career. She on the other hand has very strict values which seem to restrict her from wanting to be adventurous and outgoing like i do.This affects me because i have moved from where i grew up (the country) and what i grew up with to be with her in the city and i miss my outgoing life. We do have some lovely times together and there is a lot about her that i adore. I just wish she could learn to appreciate some of my values and be a bit more spontaneous.I have times when i think to myself "is she right for me??" or is there someone else out there that is "perfect". Is there anyone else with this type of isssue? Am i being too fussy? What do i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): i think the red flags are there. Think long and hard about where you want to be personally in 10 years... i think its time for a heart to heart discussion. Compromise is a two way street. One way compromise almost always eventually results in resentment. Good luck, mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): My ex husband left me for similar reasons as those mentioned in your post. He was fun loving and spontaneous whereas I was much more ordered and liked to plan everything in advance. He liked to sail and surf and I liked to watch TV and read. We got on ok for about 15 years until he met a woman who was much more adveturous and duly left. I would say that these relationships can work as long as one person doesn't feel that they are giving in all the time. My ex husband felt that he had had to change his life complerely to fit in with mine. I didn't want to be more outgoing or do exciting things and he felt a bit quashed. Now he is really happy and sails around the caribbean, skis all the time and never ever watches TV or anything like that and he is happy. Although I don't like the word it is all about compromise and putting yourself out for the other person. It is very hard and if it is not in your nature can be almost impossible. When the children came along I became even more of a home bird which made things much worse and his desire for freedom increased. Look at the kind of family unit she comes from because that is also a good indicator of how she is going to be or become long term. A country boy and a city girl is an unusual combination but it can work if both sides want it to.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 January 2010):
You have to realize there is no one who is 'perfect'. If she's a city girl, she will be used to work work work. I think you should speak to her again, and just tell her that you feel a bit unappreciated sometimes, and that you wish she could open up a bit more. Tell her how you feel. But she sounds like a good catch, so don't give up. Remember, no one is perfect.
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