A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is currently experiencing pains in her arms and legs. We still don't know the origin. She has not appeared interested in sex in the past few months. I wonder if these are connected, because there are other factors in our life, like my unemployment, and I fear that she feels our life is going nowhere and is losing her attraction towards me. I love her and I care deeply about her health, but there is only so many "I'm tired" a person can take. Maybe if she just said to me "I'm too worried about this to get turned on" I could feel at ease, but I'm afraid to ask her. Please let me know your opinion. I'm seriously beginning to question if I am still capable of arousing her. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (26 October 2009):
 Whew! Thanks for that clarification. I'd have to go with quiet-echo's analysis on this then. I expect your girlfriend just isn't feeling great about herself. When a woman doesn't feel good, it's very difficult to feel sexual. Our problem is our brains get in the way of just experiencing physical lust and sexual sensations.
I expect you are spending a lot of nights in, not going anywhere and just being quiet. If her pain isn't too bad, I'd suggest you change that up. Unfortunately, you're going to have to be the one who initiates this if she's feeling blue. Go to the cinema, go out to night time events, like gallery openings, lectures, dance classes, those kinds of things. If money is tight, look for the free events. Get out a couple of nights a week. Do this for at least 6 weeks.
Get her out into fresh air, with brisk walks. I found having a dog was a good thing: you have to take the dog for walks and meet other people. The dog also gives unconditional love if you can overlook the puppy training travails of teaching that small brain where the official puppy toilet is located.
Physically connect in a non-sexual way often. Snuggle her close when you sleep. Just sit with your arm around her if you are inside watching TV. Take her by the hand when you are out walking. Stroke her back and rub her neck if she's feeling stressed.
I would say this lack of interest is about her, not about you. I know that sounds idiotic and counterintuitive, but I think you are probably stressing yourself for no reason.
You sound like a very caring boyfriend and I think you'll be just fine. Be a strong and caring man for her, and she'll come around.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): It's me again. She has gone to the doctor and will go again today, don't worry about that. I've been pushing. Please don't misundertand me. I AM very concerned about her health. This is not a matter of "not getting some". I can be an insecure person, that's why I asked your opinion about if this could be something else. Hope this clarifies it.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 October 2009):
She needs to get to a doctor as soon as possible. Pain is the body's way of telling you something is wrong. She could have a serious medical condition that needs treatment. Don't mess around with this. GET HER TO THE DOCTOR!!!!A list of potential causes of what you describe:Peripheral neuropathy, fibromyalgia, multiple sclerosis, osteomyelitis (bone infection), viral syndrome, Lyme disease, Phlebitis, etc.I understand that you are feeling threatened by not being able to arouse her; I think you need to realize that she might be ill in a way that nothing will arouse her. I don't know how to say this any more plainly: you are focused on yourself ("does she desire me?") and in this case, that is not helpful. You should be focused on getting her medical attention NOW. You can deal with the lack of arousal AFTER she's seen the doctor and has some idea of what is going on.I know it's sexually frustrating for you--get over it. Sorry, your girlfriend needs medical attention. THAT should be your absolute top priority.Take care.
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