A
male
age
51-59,
*onfusedguyhere11
writes:I was with a girl on and off for 7 years. We did have some good times but also argued a lot. Most of the arguments lately have been about me moving in. She lives about an hour and a half from me. I kept telling her when i get my finances straightened out i will move in and get a job up there. I had a lease on my apt and was looking for jobs up there. She just kept saying if you love me you would just move in now. I probably should have moved in but i wanted to take care of that stuff 1st. A lot of times when we argue we might not talk to each other for a few days, weeks or even months. We did break up for 3 years and i would hear from her once in awhile. About a month ago i was at her place and she said please move in and i really want a family with you. I said i would. The very next day she said something doesn't seem right and asked to look at my email. I had a forwarded email from a girl i used to see a few years ago. It was nothing but a goofy forward and she flipped out. We started arguing and i ended up leaving. She called and left me a mean message swearing at me and saying i never want to see or talk to you again. Later that night an officer called me and said she wanted me to leave her alone, so i haven't contacted her since. It has been about a month and just the other day she sent me an email telling me she doesnt love me and doesn't think about me and i will never get another chance with her. She said i blew the best thing i ever had and now i can see my other girls without her getting upset and that she will keep praying for me. Why would she write this out of the blue after a month? Is she really upset or wants me to know it's over or is she thinking about me? She must be if she wrote this email but i have no idea. She has done things like this in the past. There has been several times she has said dont ever call me or email me again. I'm seeing someone else and things like that. She has also sent me emails probably 5 or 6 different times when she was very upset saying she doesn't love me and we will never get back together and has called the police prob 3 times and have them call me to not contact her then sometimes a few weeks later she emails or writes to me. I also get updates on my email when she changes something on her profile for her email. That same day she wrote, that i won't hurt her anymore and that she has her life back and is goingout to celebrate. Again she has wrote stuff like this in the past also. A friend of hers told me once she writes alot of stuff to see if she can get a reaction out of me. Does it sound like she is trying to get a reaction out of me or is trying to make me feel bad or really doesn't want to see me ever again? I'm just wondering because this kind of stuff has happened in the past a few times.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (6 February 2011):
 You have quite a long history with this woman. It's a very stormy relationship, and to be honest, she sounds mentally unstable. Calling the police to have them tell you to leave her alone is rather extreme, wouldn't you say?
It may be she does these things to get a reaction from you. It may be she does these things because she is mentally ill, but does it really matter? In all of this you do not say that you love her. Why do you keep going back to someone that treats you like a criminal?
Seven years is long enough to figure out whether or not you want a relationship with this woman. I know it's been said before, but past behavior is the best prediction of future behavior. Just read through all of the crap she's put you through in your post. Is this the life you want?
But to answer your question: "Is she really upset or wants me to know it's over or is she thinking about me?"
She gets upset very easily and when she does she does extreme things like writing nasty emails and calling the police. She is mostly hurt, but it comes out as anger. Right now she is hurt and angry. I am not saying her feelings are justified. I am just saying that is what she is feeling.
She really needs therapy. I don't see her changing without it. If I were you, I'd find someone that is a little easier to be in a relationship with.
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