A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been friends with this guy for a little over a year and now; up until the beginning of october we were having little coffee and lunch dates, and then one night things went a little farther. The following week we (it was definitely mutual) decided that we just wanted to stay friends. The night wed talked about just staying friends, we watched a movie; he asked if id mind sitting next to him and then about 10 minutes later asked if we could cuddle. After the movie we went for some appetizers and when he dropped me off at home, he kissed me and gave me a drawn-out hug. For about a month this coffee, movie, cuddling, and make-out thing continued; but when we would talk over coffee, he would continually talk about moving somewhere - literally, everywhere - and getting a new job. Finally one night I asked him where this was going, since he was determined to get out of town. Long story short, it ended there. We would talk here and there, and I took it worse then I expected. Now let me make note that before the beginning of october, for about 6 months, he asked me to hang out all the time.. whether it was a bonfire, dinner, etc. And I usually just didn't reply - totally my bad.Jumping to january, we were texting and decided to sleep together. At this point, I felt as if I could control my emotions and feelings and I'm doing quite well.. he's my friend, one of my best friends actually, and I feel comfortable sleeping w him w no strings attached. Yet, he has me questioning his feelings; he's been making comments about me sleeping w other guys (pretty much trying to get info) but I'm not, and I have told him that.. but he still asks. He's also made comments such as "don't want anyone taking my place" and "you're mine;" since we started this friends with benefits thing, he's been wanting to cuddle, nap together, and he always kisses me goodbye. His actions and his words both put me into confusion and when I asked him what was up with all of it; he said: "I like you, but not enough to date you, but I don't want to date anyone right now. And I like saying those things, I can't lie if you slept w anyone else, I would be irritated."I know its pretty simple, but I'm finding it to have a lot of grey areas. All I want is some clarity, translation please?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! I really appreciate it! (:
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): sounds like he needs more time to make up his mind or if he just wants someone to "play" with. I would hold off on the benefits until he is sure to make up his mind. if he cant decide on wanting to date or not why should he be able to get the same benefits? or what would motivate him too? i have been in sort of a similar situation and its not good for guys to mess with your head. if he does decide he wants to date or have a relationship, great go for it. if not, time to move on to someone who really wants to be with you.
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