| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have a rather involved question. In high school I developed romantic feelings for my best friend who was also a female. At the time though I wasn't totally willing to admit to it, and I really tried to push those feelings away, and as such I wasn't always the best of friends, I was rather a jerk at times. Actually we had some problems. I'd say we were a bit more than friends, it was always fairly confusing and people often thought we were lesbians because we were always together. All of our time was spent in one of our bedrooms talking about sex or making up sexy stories. We never kissed or anything like that, but we slept in a single bed together, and well I held her a lot and sometimes playfully dry-humped her and just flirtatious behaviors. She put me through some shit as well, I am insanely shy and if I liked a guy and told her, knowing it would take me a while to work up the nerve, she'd approach them first but not to put in a good word for me, to flirt with them! Oh that bugged me, because I have a strict policy of not flirting with or dating guys a pal likes, and I never did that to her. She flirted even with guys I did have something going with. She also sent me tons of confusing messages like the time she told me I made her a lot more aroused than her boyfriend, or that if I was a dude she'd do me, but then she'd lie about having other friends over (not that I cared it's just, why lie about it?) and would get upset if I wanted to do more than hang out in our bedroom, like if I actually wanted to go out it was always a no go. When we were planning for college she was going out of state and said we wouldn't be able to be friends long distance. Eventually the relationship ended we were both going through some stuff and she wouldn't open up to me, I got the feeling she had found my replacement, she didn't want to hang out at all or really talk and she used drive me home from school but the trip had gotten so horrifically awkward, filled with stony silence because she wouldn't talk to me, and so one day I decided to start taking the bus. That was it, she got so mad at me for taking the bus, like pissed off and had a new best friend to flaunt the next day and like never again spoke to me school.Flash forward some years I am in a relationship I've worked out my sexuality and had talked to my then boyfriend (now hubbie) about this relationship. I wanted to write to her and see how she was and to apologize for some of the shit I did (it's not like I ever did anything bad) and she wrote back and we started talking. I did eventually tell her how I had felt then, and she said she liked me a little more than a friend and if only I'd been a guy. The first time we met up she was with my replacement (well not really but you know the girl who became her best friend right after me, like the next day) and she mostly talked to that girl and ignored me. They whispered and laughed all dinner and made my husband and I quite uncomfortable. Then came to be a 2nd time some time later, this time we were alone, but I'm in love with my husband, so naturally nothing happened and I didn't even feel like I had felt you know, but she seemed a little nervous. The 2nd time she came with her b/f and they were very affectionate I mean to the point when me and my husband were talking to them, she got in his lap and just started making out with him. She's always been competitive with me and I felt the urge to be competitive back but I realized I don't have anything to prove, I am in a great relationship so why. While Sam and her b/f were alone talking, her b/f mentioned that she talks about me all the time, not bad things but like repeating everything I've said and that she really seem to like me. But I don't get why she acts the way she does. I don't like the drama anymore. Occasionally she still says something odd like, 'if you come and visit me you can sleep with me and my now husband'. I don't know if she's just toying with me, my feelings for her at one time were very real, when I lost her I was beside myself, I've moved on from her anyway and am in a great relationship now. But since her, I've not had any female friends, I don't seem to get along with women at all and I do miss having a female friend, I mean my hubbie is my bestfriend but he's also my only one and I would like others, but like a friend friend not that confusing friend thing we had going. I would just love to know if someone could help me interpret this mess. Is she my friend? Is screwing with my head? She wants to visit me again this summer, its probably going to be another odd visit. What do I do?Sorry its so long....
View related questions:
best friend, flirt, lesbian, long distance, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tsurugi-ijin  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 Hope it all works out, even with your children.
Now that kids are involved, if it gets to much i urge you to drop contact, even if just for a few months.
Hope it works out, Please update as to what happens.
All the best, Jin
A
male
reader, Sisyphus  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 I think your friend eels that she has something to prove, she can see that you have moved on and now she's trying to convince both you and her that she has as well. I don't think that her behaviour is intentionally directed at making you feel akward, she's just trying to show off in order to try and make you approve of her and maybe even feel a little jealous. She seems to need this ego boost in order to make her feel better about herself.
...............................
A
female
reader, tsurugi-ijin +, writes (1 May 2008):
Well im sorry that your having to go through this with some one that you were such good friends with at high school.
From the way it looks its almost like she feels like she hasnt managed to get the same out of life as you and feels she needs to prove she has good things in life to make you feel left out.
Either that or she could be wondering about her sexuality, this is a far out option but it would explain why she seams to want to be close to you and gets defensive when your with some one your intamate with.
I would still meet up with her but see if you get the chance to talk things over with her, it might do you both alot of good.
Please update at some point to tell how its gone.
All the best, Jin
...............................
|
