A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hiya - I have been dating a girl for a year. It has been a wonderful year. I have noticed (or maybe I am reading into things) that she seems less interested. She has always been very generous with her feelings. We don't live together but try and see each other at most weekends - were are only an hour or so distance from each other. I miss her terribly when we are apart and she says she misses me terribly too. So the weekends (Friday night, Satruday and some of Sunday) together are special times.However, for the last 4 weekends on a Saturday we have always spent the evening with a crowd of her frends. I don't mind that but this weekend nothing was planned. I was looking forward to a "just us" weekend for a change. Tonight - at the last minute she said she had an invite for her to go and see these friends again (i wasn't invited). I was disappointed to say the least because I had so looked forward to doing something just with the two of us. But she because very defensive and made it as though i was trying to control her. i tried to explain that we only see each other on the weekends and i have spent the last few saturday evenings with her friends and had been looking forward to doing something alone. but it felt like my words hit a brick wall. we argued which made it more and more like i was being selfish and controlling. eventually she went to her friends and i was left to find something to do on my own in a place where i don't live!okay - i dont mind her going to her friends. but ladies, is it so unreasonable of me to want just this one weekend to have been just for us? we had a great time last night and she said "we had last night together". i think what upset me most was that she didn't even try to understand my disappointment of being "stood up" and she just said i made her feel bad for wanting to go to be with her friends.i had assumed that she would be pleased to spend time with me knowing that she could see her friends any time in the week. in the past she would have done anything to spend time with me.is she losing interest? amd i over reacting? i love her but have been slightly shell shocked by her stone walling response. i genuinely wasn't trying to tell her when and where she could go out. but i was genuinely disappointed that my hopes that had built up over the week were dismissed with such disinterest. is this one of those dreaded signs that she is losing interest? she says she loves me and actualy wants me to move in and marry her! really upsset and really confused :( Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you both for taking the time to read my question and give thoughtful answers back. today is a better day because i decided that winning her affection back was more important than winning the argument. I do think that my disappointment was justified and her response was a concern to me. I have tried to work through the whole scenario from her point of view to try and reconcile myself to her feelings. i will use this as a "watch and see" moment. we have both talked about marriage and a long term future and I believe her words. I think womens actions tend to speak louder than their words though so I hope this is a temporary blip in an otherwise solid relationship. if it happens again and she disregards my feelings in the same way I will definitely be doing the aloof thing to get a measure of her true feelings. wish me luck everyone - i really want this to work. and yes i am a romantic!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): If she has said recently that she wants to get married and then runs off to hang with her girlfriends she is playing the you'll miss me when I am gone game. This is a little game women play to get the man to commit. She wants you to get with the program. Start talking about rings and she will prob change her actions.
Or don't call her for a few days and seem aloof and see what happens.
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (20 February 2011):
 From what you've written I would say you are a romantic. Her? Not so much at the moment. "she says she loves me and actualy wants me to move in and marry her!" Do you think she is telling you what you want to hear or was she the one to first discuss these things?
I think it is obvious she cares about you and is proud of you because she has introduced you to her friends.
Are these friends mostly single or are they married/committed relationships? Sometimes singles, women in particular, feel they are deserting their friends when they're the first or one of the first of their "group" to become committed. Maybe some of her friends are giving her a little grief about this -- it happens. I would take it all in stride and as long as you know she knows how you feel, take a "wait and see" approach. For her friends not to invite you is rude though.
On the other hand you may be starting to see the "real" woman who you are in love with. Time will tell. I wish you the best of luck.
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