A
male
age
41-50,
*honeus
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for over two years now, living together. I love her very much and in the beginning she had nothing but pure joy and love with me. I brought her out of a bad situation and past, one she couldnt ask for anything better. Anyway i would have to say over the past year maybe less things started to happen. Before i go further into this i need to state that she has dealt with things different than some people. Rather than fully communicate and talk about issues/problems/concerns/etc...she had bottled up her feelings, etc and ran away from her problems. She hasnt known how to deal with anything other than doing that.Anyway lately i have caused a lot of problems between us and she never fully sat down with me to talk about whats wrong and what i need to do to fix it. Everytime i tried to confront her or want to talk she really didnt want to or claim that every time i would just say "it can be fixed" or "we can fix it"First thing is when you are with someone you become too comfortable with them for your own good sometimes. Something i took for granted. I had lately started being annoying to her by questioning everything in a way i never needed to for any reason. For example if she had new shoes for work i would ask her "did you get those shoes at work?" (she works at target) or i would question simple little stupid things i thought nothing of...kind of a weird joking way. I guess in the end she didnt like this and hinted at times to stop but it was hard to take serious since we had been together soo long. Another thing is she had felt as if i was involving myself or cared about myself with things and not us as a couple. Self centered if you will. For example i would refer to something in the house as "mine" or "my house" and not ours. I know this is wrong and i dont know why i ever did this. I feel bad now, but again thought to me what may have been funny but to her hurt her/annoyed.I also quit my job without consulting her first. I know a lot of speculation can attribute to doing something like that but at the moment it was something i had to do. Since then she strongly has felt like everything has involved my decision making and not both of us. Was this wrong to do in not talking to her first? On top of that I didnt tell my parents this for 2 months and she felt like she had to lie along with me about it. (nothing i ever wanted her to feel or do)Also every week i had hosted a poker game. A night in which she gets done with work, comes home and has to work the next morning. She always hinted that she was sick of people over but never specifically sat down and told me it needed to end. Was i suspose to just read her mind on the consequences or did she need to be more communicative?Ive also had a problem where i gambled alot, won alot and lost alot. The times i lost i ended selling things that were MY property i originally bought but had her feeling like since we were living together that it was effecting her too.Other dumb things like me starting to argue about the color of the led display on our wii. I start to make stupid arguments that should never have been made.All these little things and misc other things that have built up over time with her finally caused her to lately stay with me just to make me happy. The other night i found out she wasnt with a friend she said she was with and was with a different friend (friend part is irellevant but the fact she wasnt telling truth just to make me believe to be happy, etc) i questioned her on it and she finally blew up and said repeatedly 4 times "im done, i cant do it anymore". At that time we both got very immotional and words were flying and i pleaded not for her to leave. Since then i have talked to her twice. The first time when we were calm and collected she explained "this is something i need to do. For a while im staying with my coworker and then will roomate with someone near work. I am sorry if i have hurt you and i dont want to hurt you but this is something i have to do."After that talk i kinda freaked out and texted,called nonstop etc. Saying all the usual but true things including me loving her, i will fix everything i did wrong and that i want to be with her forever. I told her i was even planning on getting engaged in the next couple months. The second time we talked, i think she had been thinking about everything i said and the apologies and promises to fix issues. She told me then that "ill take all that into consideration. For now i cant have you text and call me because its not giving me space that i need."So my question is: Initially she said she was done but then later said she just needs space to think.Is she going to break up with me or will she take the time away to calmly reflect on everything and then make a decision that isnt in the heat of the moment? or who knows maybe she already had made that decision. I am really confused about this especially prior to this going down she was still saying she loved me and was having sex with me. Maybe she was doing this too to make me happy, i dont know what the truth is at this point. Is this 100% my fault or is she to blame too for not fully communicating? any insight on everything would be of help
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at work, co-worker, engaged, needs space, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Honestly, I don't see why she would leave you over the little things you mentioned..Guys ask questions, you referred to things as yours, or the house, if you're paying for the house then it's yours, or those things that were possessions before her or that you bought with your money are yours, you don't say "we, us" until you're married. Now, quitting the job deal..if you were paying or splitting the mortgage/rent then I can see this pissing her off. I mean if you didn't like your job then so be it, as long as you're sitting on savings or looking for a new job. Retail don't pay shit. The poker night I can see that ticking her off, but she's not going to confront you about it because she's not that type. It all sounds to me like she can't adjust to living with you or that you guys are spending too much time together and don't have any "me" time. So now this is her "me" time..however, you did have a breakthrough on her feelings when she told you she couldn't do it anymore.. I wouldn't count on her taking this time to calmly reflect on everything..as you stated she's the type to push her problems around on her plate hoping they'll go away. And by her saying she's staying with a co-worker and then finding a roommate tells me it's over. She's not going to talk to you about, as you wasted your time blowing up her phone. It's not going to change she's always going to bottle it all up and now she's running away from this problem with you. I'd give her a week, and she gives you nothing but silence take it as it's seriously over.
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