A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My Gf of about 6 months is starting to get on my nerves..im so tired the relationship is like a full time job with no day off...i do whatever she ask from babysiting her young child to taking her to work and other places she needs to go.Movies dinner etc all on my dime gas alone is really adding up.But i get tired,,,and i still have my own life my own friends and family... i feel like she wants me to abandon everybody and spend time with her 24/7.My financial situation is not the best rite not i have alot of bills and not alot of income,,, but she will still ask me for money to get her hair done and im not talking about $10. She spends money on shoes and clothes and purses and toys for her child till no end...i spend on house bills car insurance gas food phone bill etc important necessities. i do splurge and take her out and i always pay for everythinggg... a movie ticket is about $13 here...oh and gas about $4.25 my car uses premium it stalled when i tried the cheap stuff,, had to get a $100 tow.At the movies im frugal i catch the matinee $7 i dont buy snacks that are unhealthy and marked up 400% at the food court. i go get something decent to eat afterwards... but my GF wants me to buy a $4 bottle of water...and popcorn and junk thats ridiculously over priced...She always wants... She acts like i have a money tree.. she knows im broke...i showed her my account...im down to 100k in savings lost the rest when a business deal went bad but im not spending my savings on purses heels and hair. i need it to get back on my feet. my credit is shot and their closing my cards...i have no debt though except a medical bill $1500..my insurance was supposed to cover it and something went wrong.im unemployed my income is from investment intrest..less then $2000 a month i used to make $6000 or $7000 even $10000 at times i wasted it on cars parties and women.. My Gf has known my situation from day one she works hard everyday and still doesnt have half of what i have.i live in a suburb My GF used to live less then a mile from me.. she recently moved and lives 15 miles away in the city where i hate going because of traffic and all the noise and problems... and after im done with the gym or a long day at meetings or classes i dont feel like driving that far... and i also have some physical disabilities so driving is painful.i dont love my GF she gets mad that i dont say it but i dont even know if i believe in love, i believe in actions not empty words based on confusing emotions derived from chemical imbalances .but i like her and admire her because shes strong and independent and with all shes been through in this life( being abandoned in a foreign country as an infant) she still has a great personality and out look on life. i just need her to understand i need some time for me we dont have to be together 24/7 and we need to be smart with money... and that im not a bad guy for getting tired. the other issue is she recently came down with an std its not serious but there's no cure i did some research and theres alot of ways to catch this thing most commonly as a child from an adult who has it...any way im very germaphobic i can count all my sexual partners on one hand and still have a thumb and fingers left over..any way i believe shes had it for awhile maybe stress is bringing it back..but my doctor advised against kissing etc untill it clears up or i could get it...and my GF is complaining about that...because i dont want to kiss her or have sex and get germs so im a bad guy. hell i might even have it allready..and the sex isnt that great i dont really even get anything from it besides the Cardio.. she complains if i dont come see her everyday when its way out of my way and im tired. my car is tired.. my gas bill is enormous... im trying to buy her a car but she wont let me save... because she would rather have her hair done and eat at expensive restaurants go on trips and spend the money on hotels..i want to break up but i would miss her and feel bad... and i dont want to be a failure at something else...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): im the OP, Fatherly advice you are rite and Honeypie you guys are good and to all thanks.
i dont love my Gf but ill stick with her for now and help her get to a better place then it will be friend mode.
and candid i dont have any credit card debt just medical bills
and no i did not make a mistake $100k is not alot of money you cant buy a house and can barely by a car with that at best it gives one investment options. but you can loose everything in a few bad trades.
A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (18 August 2012):
 I read about half of your post & decided that you need to leave this money grubbing girl. She is using you for your money & that sucks...
There are so many other wonderful girls in this world that would deeply appreciate you for your kind heart. You can do much better :)
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 August 2012):
 I'd hardly consider your girlfriend independent. You're being used as a meal ticket.
It's almost seems as if she sees your finances circling the bowl and she's trying to collect what she can before that happens. The quicker you get rid of her, the sooner you can plug that leak and start building up your savings again.
Breaking up with her, if that's what you choose to do, is not a failure. It's a course change. If someone doesn't enhance your life, then they shouldn't be in your life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Read the 5 languages of love :)
You two speak different languages for sure.
She is also highly materialistic, did she come from a poorer background? It's pretty obviously that she sees you BUYING/PAYING for her as a sign of love.
Also... it seems to me like you are looking for approval to dump her. Or looking for a good reason to end it without making you the "bad guy". But the thing is if you don't feel everything is working like you want it to work, and talking to her about doesn't seem to help, WHY stay in the relationship?
Are you happy in the relationship ? If you are what % And look at the relationship and figure out WHAT do you get out of it?
I honestly don't think you love her (from what you write) but you LOVE the idea of a relationship. There is a HUGE difference from a REAL relationship to an idea.
And failing at a not so epic relationship is no shame. Some relationship works, some don't why hold on to one if it's not working?
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (17 August 2012):
What do you want from life? What would make you happy?
Not to contribute to your problems...but:
You have 100k in your savings account and are not paying your credit card bills down. I am pretty sure the companies can eventually take you to court and seize your savings to pay off your debt.
Herpes can be transmitted between two people even when symptoms are not apparent. Herpes can also be treated with medication to reduce the length of the outbreak.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Money is a big cause of arguments for couples. You are careful with your money and she is a liberal spender. This issue will not go away, no matter how much money your earn in the future. Why are you paying for everything anyway? Does she not work? I think you need to end this relationship as from all your other comments too it sounds like you are too different from each other. There are plenty of women out there who are quite prepared to only spend as much as they earn and no more. This kind of woman is someone i think you'd get on much better with.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Your "girlfriend' sounds like she has found a DREAM MAN (YOU!).... One who acts more like a butler/rich Uncle/Daddy.... and NOT AT ALL like a "boyfriend".....
(That's because "girlfriends" don't take advantage of "boyfriends"!!!!)
Sooooo, your only question is: How long do you wish to put up with this treatment?
Have a nice day...
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Dear Original poster,
This is a relationship problem but you are looking at it as a money problem. I think that is because you are better equipped to deal with money problems. There is a money problem involved but it is only part of the question.
You summed it up quite well when you said "she wants." Money is not what she wants but it is her way of connecting with you. She wants Time. She wants love. She wants a future.
Since she moved your cost to give her time has gone up. You view this as a money problem. That is how it affects your world. She sees your reluctance as a love problem. She is getting less of your time even though you are spending more of your time giving it to her.
Love, you are not sure you believe in it. She needs it. She thinks that when you spend on her you are giving her love. She thinks that when you spend time with her you love her. You don't see it that way. You see it as the cost of having a girl friend.
So to look at it from her point of view. You won't give her sex. You won't say you love her. The only way she has of knowing you love her is the money (gifts, trips, hotels, restaurants) and the time (dates, driving her, watching the child). If you reduce those or take them away, then she gets no love.
That is why she resists you getting her a car. It may be subconscious, but part of her knows that if she has a car she will lose a lot of your time. That time is love to her.
Some people would look at this at this point and say; But you said you don't love her so stop leading her on with the gifts of time and money. Let her go find someone who can love her.
I don't think that is the answer. You mentioned two reasons why you haven't broken up the relationship. One, you would miss her and feel bad. That sounds like love. Two you don't want to feel like you failed. That sounds like pride.
I don't think pride is a good basis for a relationship. Love, or at least an emotional connection is very likely something that you need. Something as necessary to your happiness as food and a house.
If you think that it is more than pride that is keeping you there you need to find a way to afford this relationship. You will need to find a way to give her what she needs. She doesn't need heels and purses and 100$ hair. She needs proof that you care about her. Can you give her that?
I could be wrong, she might just be "high maintenance" and you might just be thinking of her as an object. If she is more of a hobby to you than a person, then you probably need to find a less expensive hobby.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): That's funny. Did you make a mistake when u wrote u down to $100 k in your savings?
If not than you are not broke:). May be somewhere in millionaire circles u are, but not here on Earth where people struggling ends meet.
That's besides the points you are making. You don't have to do any of the things you are doing. The whole tone of your post is quite sad. You are not enjoying your life, your girlfriend, sex and so on. In a loving relationship people are not using each other, and people are generous with each other.
They enjoy sex and feel love. You have none of it. There is lack of understanding from your girlfriend, you have no feelings for her, why to go on?
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (17 August 2012):
 if you want to be with her try and get her on board if she cant then you gotta move shes dead weight.
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