| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Is sex with an ex ever a good idea? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, nicole14 +, writes (20 February 2006):
 Well its a good IDEA! But its not good! At one point in time someone will stupidly blurt something out thats not meant to be said and then its just back to square one! If u still wanna sleep with an ex then its either becuase there is still even a 1% part of you that likes them! Or ur not self confident enough to move forward, which is what you need to do rather than backwards! think about it - why did u break up in the first place.......
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2006): no
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2006): Here, here..Rebecca. I am agreement with you. Not everyone will agree with comments from other aunts but that's the amazing thing about this website. We all have opinions and it's up to the person posting the problem to discern, which one works best for them. We are helping people by offering advice, but not all will certainly agree. All we can do is toss our thoughts into the mix and if it helps with the problem..all the better.
So female reader, is sex with the ex, a good idea? No one can really tell you that answer. But I can relate some thoughts to you, to consider. Many people sleep with an ex, for a variety of reasons. Some do it because it's just plain, simple fun and they are able to detach, emotionally. But the reality is, most of us can't do that. We still equate sex with love, and love with commitment. One of the hardest parts of being divorced/split up for many people, is dealing with loneliness. If loneliness is motivating a person to sleep with your ex (then stop, they need to uphold to a higher standard and ride out the loneliness). If having sex with an ex causing them emotional pain (then stop, it will wear on your self worth) If wanting sex with the ex is just purely physical (then stop, because depending on your moral base, you run the chance of feeling bad and used for allowing it) If you or your ex is using sex as a way of getting back into a relationship (then stop, that's manipulation) All are good reasons to stop sleeping with your ex because, you want to protect yourself from further pain. But most importantly, having sex with an ex is not helping one to create to closure and move on. It can be short-lived misguided sense of connection, depending on why you're doing it.
Peaople have to remember the reasons why they decided to break off the relationship with the ex in the first place. Will the same patterns of relationship dysfunction with this person, rear it's ugly head by sleeping together, again? Ask yourself if having sex with an ex will open up way too much emotional heartache. Keep remembering why you ended the relationship and then stick to it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2006): If your in love, Sex with your Ex always turns BAD.. Face it someone's feelings can be on the line.
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (13 February 2006):
 No problem rebecca, but keep your answers directed at the questioner and not at other people's advice, I think that would be a little more fair dontcha think
:-)
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (13 February 2006):
 I think the agony aunts here aren't trying to impose their beliefs and even if they are, it is the same as one person saying; "Oh go for it!" and another saying "Don't go for it!" We are all entitled to our views and simply because one person doesn't believe sex with an ex is for them doesn't make them narrow minded...more so I think they are also being considerate of the feelings that could arise from the encounter.
Willywombat, I think you need to look at the other answers, particularly the one sandwiched between your two last answers and be aware that some people do get emotionally involved. Therefore, it could bring someone down mentally and to make that allowance. Luckily we aren't all the same, not everyone is like me and not everyone is like you and we need to respect that.
So, let's not have a war and be understanding of other's views!
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (13 February 2006):
That was, by the way meant to say LOOSE MORALS, whoops
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2006): Me and my ex have been having sex, even though we split up.I can tell you now, it's a bad idea, especially if you still have feelings for him.Everytime me and my ex slept together, i felt used and cried for days afterwards because that was all he wanted from me. He is not interested in a proper relationship.I have decided now to stop it. We no longer sleep together because we both want different things and it's just not working.If your in the same situation:: you love this guy, but all he wants is sex, DON'T DO IT! I've done it so many times and it hurts so much hunTake care
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (13 February 2006):
There are certain agony aunts on here who equate having the courage to do what you want (ie have casual sex with an ex if you so chose) to being of loose marals and *dare I say it* having low self esteem.
Fortunately I am not one of them, and to be honest I would not make that judgement call on anybody else, as I will be honest it stinks when people try to impose there beliefs on you.
If it doesn't hurt anyone, and you both get something out of it, albeit a physical something, then go for it. Dont listen to those who sit in judgement as narrowmindedness is the sort of thing that starts wars! Not the best analogy I know, but quite frankly it works for me!!
Honey if you feel like it and it wont bring you down mentally go for it.
XX
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (13 February 2006):
Scratching an itch only works for people who can distance themselves emotionally from what they are doing and dare I risk saying it, have morals that are somewhat low, going hand in hand with lack of self respect. So casually speaking, could be a bad idea.
There are reasons why the split happened and people rarely alter and change in life, so from that point of view also not a good idea!
I married my ex and divorced within a year if that gives you an idea...
They do say to never go back, don't they??!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2006): There is no hard and fast rule here. If sex with your ex is on your agenda, before you do, I recommend that you agree some ground rules* that neither you nor your ex expect more than sex* that no-one else may get hurt as a result of your actions* that your self self respect remains intact
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (13 February 2006):
 Tried that lots of times and no it just makes you feel like a used tart, when it is over it really is over and should stay that way.
Believe me you just prolong the agony and it means he gets sex without the relationship part.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (13 February 2006):
Yes if you can distance yourself from the fact you are probablu only going to ever have sex with him! If it is to scratch an itch go for it.
But remember that he is an ex for a reason.....probably best if you keep it that way!
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2006): In my experience its really not a good idea, unless you are planning on getting back together. otherwise it will just bring up aload of stuff thats in the past.
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A
female
reader, chrissymarie +, writes (13 February 2006):
 it depends really, u didnt state why that person was an ex? its all on you if you want to get back with this ex of yours then no!!!! because that person wont want to b e back with you when x knows that you are giving it up with out being together....but if you dont want to be back with x then its all up to you, i dont see nothing wrong with it just be very careful
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