A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I am 16 and yes I know you might be thinking i m too young to be talking about sex. But that's on my mind almost 24/7. Unlike a lot of the people who claim to be otherwise, I'm still a virgin. I never really talk about it to anyone, not really because I'm ashamed it's just not the hot topic. Ever since turning 16 and being "legal" I've wanted to have sex, like knowing that I can legally have sex just drove my hormones into overdrive. If I wanted to I could have sex. By that I mean I'm not "unattractive", guys do look at me in the street and I can tell they wouldn't pass up the opportunity. But I'm not that kind of girl. I can't get over this urge to have sex though. Last year I got pretty close to sex with an older guy(20) but I controlled myself because I knew it would just be a fling we weren't actually in a relationship. Ive kind of gone off what I was actually asking but I just want to know, is sex such a big deal? Do I need to hold out for someone special? How do i know if that special person exists? Did you regret your first time? How did it happen etc... Detail would really help because I'm lost right now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2016): i want to know is sex such a big deal? yes it is a big deal, it is the one thing in life that can change your future. o.k. examples: you could get pregnant, you could get an STD,it may change the type of guy you end up with in the future.
do i kneed to hold out for someone special? it would be to your advantage to not end up with regrets to look back upon.
how do i know if that special person exist ? you will know when you meet him, get to know him , look at his character and traits. not getting the cart before the horse wit him either.
did you regret your first time? i know i wish i would have waited, and i wish someone in my life that is special to me would have waited also. i can tell you not waiting has caused people to have regrets.
you are young and you do not need to rush things. dont give yourself regrets to look back upon.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2016): Honestly i was more excited about turning 18 so i could get a tattoo then 16 so i could have sex. I lost my virginity at 16 and had my first kiss with a boyf i was with 6months. He was a virgin also same age as me it was nice i felt safe and no pressure. I don't regret it at all, but honestly it wasn't the highlight of my life i hardly can remember it. Ive had several sexual partners now and i find it all much of a muchness.Sex is just a thing like anything else it's what you make it. It's most enjoyable for me if i am really into the person and trust them. I wouldnt feel safe in a vunerable position with someone i hardly knew which is why ive never had a ons.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2016): What is wrong with being virgin? I was very happy when I discovered that my wife is a virgin when I married her, and she was 30 yrs old then.We just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 March 2016):
 I agree with Cindy, and I like her food analogy.
Sex can be awkward the first few times, it's a fact. Having sex with someone you 1. trust and 2. feel comfortable with makes a HUGE difference.
I was 19 and had been dating my BF for 6 months. We were together 4 1/2 years. I don't regret it at all.
Most of my female peers were younger than me and most of them say that they wish they had waited for the "right" kind of guy. Not necessarily "The One", your future husband... but someone whom you won't regret having had sex with.
And don't forget the whole birth-control issue as well. My oldest daughter (15) is in high school and they have a couple of girls ( one 14 one 15) who are pregnant. Neither were "promiscuous", but my guess is they just didn't "think".
And being horny... well, that comes with puberty and increase in hormones. It's natural. Doesn't mean you HAVE to act on it constantly, does it?
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (24 March 2016):
 Men tend not to say this, but yes indeed, there are regrets about past sexual experience and one realization has been about the stupidity of it. If we think about it, an average orgasm lasts 10 to 20 seconds, maybe 30 for females, yet such a minuscule event controls so much of our attention, emotion, dignity... and potential for STD. So personally, I refuse to allow a 30 second event to dictate what I will do, feel and emotionally invest into, unless of course, there is future to build love and trust. Once you find love, good sex just happens.
Like you at you age, I wondered if there is a girl that will love me back, but if such uncertainty did not exist then we would never invest ourselves so much to love and seek to be loved back. Not knowing is one of the ways that we become better lovers and good keepers of it.
So keep the perspective of what sex actually is physically: a few seconds of an event, which can be made meaningless... or meaningful by you only. It has to be mutually good but that happens only if the one you love loves you back. So be patient and the meaningful one will show up.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 March 2016):
 You don't "need" to hold out for someone special ; it just would feel so much better.
It's like, someone wants to treat you to dinner, and says : Choose, we can either go to McDonald's in 15 minutes , or to a top restaurant in 15 days .
Probably you would choose the second option- there's a bit to wait, which is frustrating, then again the dining experience will be at a totally different level.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2016): "is sex such a big deal?"Yes. By assuming the responsibility of having sex, you are also assuming responsibility for the pregnancy that can always result. No method of birth control is 100% effective and accidents happen."Do I need to hold out for someone special?"No, but if you give it up to some casual acquaintance or random stranger it is very likely that you will quickly live to regret it, especially if you end up facing the prospect of being stuck sharing an unwanted kid with a guy you hardly know."How do i know if that special person exists?"Trust your instincts. They will tell you if that special person is that special person, and more importantly they will tell you if a guy is NOT that special person. "Did you regret your first time?" All I can say is I've known several people who regretted having sex too early and nobody who regretted waiting until they were sure the time was right.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 March 2016):
 I think you should wait until it is with someone who you can trust and who you know is not just using you. Off course it is okay if it is only sex you are looking for. But the first time should be with someone you care about and with someone who will take it slow and make you feel comfortable.
I was 17 when I lost my virginity and I don't regret a thing. It was with my boyfriend and it was three months in to our relationship.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 March 2016):
 I did not regret my first time at all. I think I knew was important was that I lost it to a boyfriend, and not just a random guy. I knew there was no future with my first boyfriend because of different background and I was too young and not knowing where I would live after graduation. So basically I had a boyfriend just for the sake of it, to have the experience.
I don't think it has to be a special person like a soulmate, just special enough that he respects you and enjoy your presence. A lot of girls do not want the burden of being a virgin and then they hooked up with guys and gave blow jobs. Guys who had no respect for women and just expected girls to act like porn stars. Virginity to them just means popping the cherry and claiming V cards. That would be horrible. Your first experience should definitely not be like this.
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female
reader, wrathykins +, writes (23 March 2016):
 It's ok for you to want to have sex. You're 16, and it's legal and I remember at that age I was EXACTLY the same.
I would 100% wait for someone you really like. I regret how I lost my virginity. In a field, to an absolute cretin who I did like at that time but wasn't my boyfriend, drunk on WKD. Classy!
There really is no rush in losing your virginity. You don't really feel any different as a person when your no longer a virgin. I'd wait until you have a boyfriend at least, and just lose it when you're ready and it's with someone you trust. It'll be more enjoyable that way!
Sex is important. Losing your virginity is a memory that'll stay with you for a long, long time so I would make it special!
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