A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Heyyy. I'm graduating from high school next month. My boyfriend and I aren't sexually active. But lately he's been saying that he doesn't want to be a virgin when he starts college. (I honestly don't understand the rush.) But he knows where I stand when it comes to sex and that I don't want to yet. So now I'm starting to wonder if him saying this is his way of saying he wants to be with someone else. Do you guys think sex is something worth breaking up over? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (10 April 2011):
You should confront him and ask him what is he going to do. Since you won't have sex with him and he's determined to start college being not virgin.Is from his answer to that question that you have to make up you mind about him. He can tell you he will be pissed off but he won't have sex with another girl. Or he can tell you he will loose his virginity to someone else. But in the end you will have to take his answer and start building from there.A couple works when interests are balanced. He wants to have sex and you don't. Of course there is no way of balancing this unless one of you resign yourself. If you can't balance there is no point in staying together. Just like he doesn't have the right to force you to loose your virginity, you don't have the right to force him staying virgin.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (10 April 2011):
 No but that doesn't mean it might not happen. Teenage boys are not known for their rational balanced approach to sex. Partly that is because they are insensitive bastards (lets face it, he is saying he wants sex as a status symbol NOT because he loves you so much) and partly because they face almost no downsides to it.He can't get pregnant overthrowing his entire life can he? Oh, gosh, wanna bet that if you had sex and you did get pregnant all of a sudden he isn't willing to be an adult just out of college and wants to party more like a kid while you sit home alone?If he breaks up with you because you are not (yet) ready for sex, then that is pretty much proof he doesn't really care about you. Yes, it sounds trite but if he really loves you, he will wait. But he is not saying he wants to be with someone else as in "being with them". He wants to stick his penis in someone. That to him is what a relationship is about. Not facing the future together, not sharing a life. But sex. Maybe he is just expressing himself badly and maybe that is the way he really feels.One way to find out really. Don't have sex. If he stays, he is for real. If not, well is it worth having sex when you don't want to yet just to keep a boy who only wants sex for the status?
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (10 April 2011):
 Sometimes sexual incompatible can truly drive a relationship apart, but that's only AFTER you're sexually active. But, you're a virgin, and you don't want to lose it, and he should respect that. Wanting to lose your virginity just because you don't want to be a virgin in college is pretty stupid in my opinion. If he truly loved you, he'd wait, he wouldn't bitch about it, and certainly wouldn't be pressuring you. I agree with CaringGuy, I think you could do better than him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 April 2011):
I think if all he is interested in is losing his virginity, then clearing off to college, it's worth breaking up with him.Thing is, it's not sex that you'll break up over. It's his feelings. And his feelings aren't really deep enough, caring enough of respectful enough for you to be with him. All he cares about is getting into your pants. And if he can't get into yours, he'll dump you and get into someone else's. I don't think you should allow yourself to be treated with this level of contempt, and I don't think you should allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed by him. I think you could and should do better than him.
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