A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do women become more attached to men they've had sex with? I've had a drawn-out flirtation with a woman. We are never single at the same time. I sometimes wonder if she thinks about me (we were pretty inappropriate for a while at one point when I was in a relationship).She'll disappear for a while when she is with a new guy, but she'll always contact me after it ends to check in. Since we've never had sex, I don't know how our "connection" could be anywhere near as close as it is to guys she's dated and slept with.My dad told me once never to have sex with a woman i don't want to stay with because it means more to women. He said it's about bonding for them, while we men are just getting off. I don't know if that's true or not.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 April 2010):
 In short. YES.
Not that women bond with every single man they have sex with, but most do. It's kinda primal and your Dad is giving you some really good advice there.
A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 That is more of a friendship to me, she comes to you from time to time to catch up, tells you about her exes, etc? But why not during their dating, she doesn't contact you then? She may have a 'thing' for you, and she likes to talk to you when she remembers you. It may very well mean nothing. You certainly don't have to have sex to know for sure. If that is what you are asking. What you can do is know more about her, befriend her. That should tell you if you should get more involved. And no, it is not the same for all women. But it is right that you shouldn't mislead someone who cares about you, that is how I would take your father's advice. All the best!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): for some, they are simply a bike and will ride anything.some yeah, they do feel connected.you can tell which ones are which.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): Us women and our crazy bonding! LOL For the most part women do feel more of a connection from sex. But to specify (to my knowledge) its not the act of sex, but the emotions leading to it. Sex is the most personal thing you can do with another person, so if we want to share that with someone than we already have a very strong attachment to them. Basically the connection comes from the intimacy that sex creates, not the physical pleasure that sex brings. But thats just what I think, not everyone thinks that.
maybe she feels that emotional connection with you, even without the sex. She could be more connected to you than she is with the boyfriends, and thats why it never works out. She's sleeping with the wrong guy! Why don't y'all give a real relationship a try?
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 A woman can become attached to a man they have never had sex with. Attachment for (me as a) women does not purly happen after they've had sex with a man. It is entirely possible to have a 100 one night stands and flings and to feel an attchment to a man they have never slept with at the end of it. What I mean is, attachment is about more than sex. But what your dad said does have some merit, if you're not serious about a woman, don't lead them on. But that should be in every respect not just by sex, dont lead them to believe you want to be with them long term. It would be good etiquette not to sleep with them, but, I feel, if both parties know where they stand and neither is looking for a long term thing, there is no harm in having sex.There is that old saying that after sex women want to cuddle and men want to roll over and sleep. All of this folk law builds up a picture that men are entirely selfish and have sex to please themselves, and can take or leave a women with not thought to her feelings. Where as women fall in love as soon as they have sex and want to have a relationship with every guy they sleep with and cannot separate love from sex.This is not true. There are differences between men and women, but lets be fair. We may be influenced by our bodies chemical make-up and by our own social conditioning of how a man or woman should feel and act in sex and love. But, everyone has their own mind as a human being.As for this woman. She may feel more attached to you than to any of these guys from her short lived relationships, romantically, or purely platonic friendship, or she may be using you to pick up the pieces when she finds herself alone. Only you can work out her motives.Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): Sex is a different chemical experience for men and women. Look up the brain chemical Oxytocin.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (14 April 2010):
Yes, it's a primitive urge... much has been written on the subject.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 Women gives sex to obtain love. That's the way women are programmed.
When she received enough love, sex would be a natural progression.
Some modern day women can have sex first even without love but they will want your love ,more of your time and more of you somewhere down the road.
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A
female
reader, sweetspicy +, writes (14 April 2010):
 This is truth for some women but not every woman is the same as the next. For example you have thousands of women out there that sleep with men for a living and the only attachment is wondering if the man will pay more the next time. This woman that you are specifically speaking of sounds like you like her a lot but she has put you in the friend zone or considers you like a family member. If she is close with you then all you might need is confidence and to spend a lot more alone time with her.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (14 April 2010):
Yeah, for the most part it's true. I guess for very few women it's just to "get off." But I kind of think they're full of you-know-what. If it's sex just once, then maybe not. However, there are girls that do have sex with a guy once and they want to marry him, but whatever. If it's over several ocassions, then yes; a woman will most likely become attached.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): For most women, yes.
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