A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've asked a similar question before but I think people got the wrong end of the stick! Anyway. I split up with my boyfriend of seven months about a month ago, he really didn't treat me very well and I'd just had enough of him having tantrums all of the time and being very critical of me and jealous, there was a lot wrong with us. I went on a date with somebody else within about 4 days, I know that's fast but my friend had told me my ex was on a dating site the whole time I was with him. I've been asked out on dates by 6 different men in the past week, don't ask me why I really don't get why to be honest, I'm nothing special! Would you go on dates with different people? I've not slept with any of them and don't intend to, but is it bad just to go out with them all? They're all quite nice but I feel like a bit of a slapper doing it. On top of this even though my ex was a bit of an idiot, I still find myself thinking about some of the really good things, we did have such a good time when it was good, he made me laugh and he was so charming and interesting when he wanted to be. Sex was out of this world too. I don't hate my own compamy, I'm not desperate for another boyfriend and the last time I asked this people thought I was. I'm just curious as to wether you think serial dating is a terrible idea. I have had an 8 year relationship in the past so I'm not used to this x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): I think it is a terrible idead and I'm already sick of being chased by all these men! I had an awful day in work the other day, someone stole £2000 worth of stuff, and I get a text saying 'would a picture of my cock cheer you up?' Ummmm no it wouldn't!! I think it's best I give myself some time at the moment because I'm not looking to sleep around or have men think they can buy me. I'm not that type of girl. I was looking for some fun company but I think my friends are fine for that :) thanks for the advice people! Serial dating is maybe just for people to have sex and getting men to pay for stuff. Not for me x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): I think you missed the point of what people were saying OP. None of this was a personal attack or value judgement on you. We can only speak our opinions based on our experiences.
Was I wrong to presume that dates mainly consist of the guy buying dinner, drinks etc. is that not how it usually works? Because that's what I see around me, in fact most women I know wouldn't see a guy a second time if he didn't paid for everything on the first date. That's a cultural norm where I'm from and even equal paying women want to be treated in some way too. Even those women think the guy should pay for dinner if he asked her and even if he didn't "it would be nice if he offered" and if he doesn't he's cheap, selfish and not nice. I don't know you, I don't you're different I can only speculate on the most common circumstance can't I?
Besides I would not be the only guy who sees it that way so it's an opinion you would do well not to ignore.
The sleeping with thing is the same OP, people are going to assume that sometimes whether you like it or not. lots of women use the serial dating excuse to cover the fact they're sleeping around, they shouldn't have to, they should be free to sleep around without judgement but they'd rather discretion.
OP when the other poster said you wouldn't be here he said that in terms of doubts, generally if you have doubts it's not the right thing for you.
When it comes to dating if you're not sure then it's generally not for you. That's just common sense really isn't it OP? Trust your gut.
"I'm really happy with my life I just needed a point of view as to wether this might be detrimental to my life, or if a lot of people did this, is it normal?"
It's normal for some people who like juggling more than one guy at once. It's normal for people to go off find another person to ease the pain of their last break up. It's normal in the sense that a lot of people do it and enjoy it. But from a personal stand point for me it's not.
I don't like juggling more than one person, I don't like the idea that I may lose the one who actually may become serious because she found out I was seeing other women. Most women are territorial that way, will think I'm a player, may see me as a greater risk of an STD and rightly think I wasn't serious about them enough nor that they were special or desirable enough for me to only want to focus on them.
It's also not normal for me to use others to get over a break up, lots of people do it and lots of people get hurt by it. I've been with rebound girls and had my heart crushed by them, I've even been the person on the rebound and it felt horrible to use someone like that. You can tell people anything you want, they can't just control how into you they become, it doesn't sit well with me that I would feed that in someone when they didn't stand a chance so I always wait now until my ex is out of my mind and I'm ready to commit emotionally to dating someone. If I just want to sleep around I find a casual fuck buddy and I don't date.
I only date one at a time because that's the only way I want to date, that's the only kind of girl I want to see too. I don't want to be at home falling in love with a girl all the while knowing she's on a date with another guy right now and I wouldn't want to put anyone else thought that either.
There's nothing with what you propose, if it's right for you OP. If you've actually put thought into this and it's not for purely selfish reasons. If you've given it thought and you're okay with it then it's fine to do.
can it be detrimental to your life? Yeah it can, it can get messy. What if you find two guys who are equally amazing and can't choose. What if you're on a date with one of your cast away guys and the guy you're really starting to like sees you?
But the same can be said for anything in life there are always risks. But if you want to do this, do it with dignity, try and protect people as much as you can, and most of all it makes you unhappy just stop. It's your life OP, do what makes you happy, you don't sound like a person who gains pleasure out of fucking others over and you don't sound selfish, so you're fine to go ahead with this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): The thing is I thought this was for asking advice, the reason I came on here asking is because I have never done this kind of thing before and sometimes we all do things we are unsure about. I don't understand why people say things like you wouldn't be on here asking if you didn't think it was wrong. Plus no I'm not going to sleep with them, I prefer sex when your comfortable with somebody, its always a bit awkward the first time with someone and pointless just doing it the once! I went out with the one and I paid my own way. I have a good job and I don't need anyone to 'buy me shit'. What's the point of coming on here and lying about stuff when you want advice? I know the one guy definitely goes out on dates with girls a lot and I'm not goin to be upset if somebody does that when I'm thinking of doing the same. I was thinking more along the lines of going out and if I did find someone I clicked with I would stop with the dating thing. I have got hobbies, I run and I go to dance classes, I have a lovely family and friends, I'm really happy with my life I just needed a point of view as to wether this might be detrimental to my life, or if a lot of people did this, is it normal? Thanks for your answers :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): If you are single & the men you meet are single, there is nothing wrong with dating several men. Just be honest about it & let them know you're not looking for anything serious right away and that you are dating. Have fun.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (5 November 2012):
 Just going to repeat the same thing as before. Dating more then one person is not wrong, getting over a relationship doesn't have to take ages...
but if there wasn't anything wrong, you wouldn't ask. Why did you go on a forum and ask total strangers if what your doing is right or wrong? It is your life, your choice.
The ONLY reason people ask is because they are uncertain if something is right for them and the simplest thing to check it out is to STOP. Why NOT date for a month, so you have some time to ask yourself why you need the approval of total strangers to do something as harmless as dating.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): i don't see anything wrong with casually dating multiple people. the only time i see that as a bad thing is if you're dishonest or lead these guys on in any way. but going out to dinner and chatting is nothing to be ashamed of at all, and i see no harm in this. and i definitely don't think that makes you look desperate for a boyfriend. not at all. everyone handles heartache differently. some people want to sit at home and stuff their face with ice cream and romance movies, others want to go out and get drunk and sleep around, and others may want to go out on dates to distract themselves. everyone is different. and everyone is entitled to do what makes them feel better without judgement. so no, i see nothing wrong with what you're doing. have fun and enjoy yourself. just don't lead anyone on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): "Is serial dating a bad thing to do? There's no sex involved but is it wrong?"Serial dating is the correct approach, that's the only way you can know which guys are potential keepers and which ones can be immediately weeded out, and over time you will gradually weed out those among the initially potential keepers. As a sixtyish older guy, I simply can not fathom the astounding number of Dear Cupid posters looking to salvage obviously incompatible relationships of weeks duration, nor those who remain by choice in unhealthy, dysfunctional long-term relationships waiting for the other party to magically "change" into the person with whom they want to fall in love.Why young 'uns today feel some sort of obligation to race the clock in hopping into bed with total strangers is completely and totally beyond my comprehension, and in my own humble opinion I'm very fortunate in that regard. The odds of the first guy/girl ever or the first guy/girl after a previous failed relationship being "the one" are exponentially astronomical, but it seems that current conventional wisdom holds that one becomes immediately joined at the hip to the first passing virtual stranger who shows interest online. Six dates, six different personalities, six different approaches, six different conversations, six different restaurants, six different social events, six different kinds of evenings. Go for it! Or, I should say, go out with ALL of them!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): I don't think it's a bad idea as long as you don't lead anyone on.
A lot of guys won't put up with that though just so you know, I certainly don't go for serial daters other than as an easy lay. The idea that I'm competing with other guys means I know she doesn't take me seriously or guys in general seriously only as options to be used for her fun and buy her shit so I wouldn't take her seriously either, it would only be to see how much sex I can get from her and how soon. But that's not a bad thing OP, you're just out of a relationship and on the rebound. There's nothing wrong with just dating around getting laid, being treated and dated by guys who may or may not get hurt that they really didn't stand a chance before you even agreed to go out with them.
Even when I just want sex I don't lead people on with dates when I'm not emotionally ready or available, it doesn't sit right with me the idea that some woman may be on a date with me and think I'm really awesome and get her hopes up that something may happen when that was not my intention in the first place. That's what a date implies for me. I don't do it trivially but I know plenty of girls that do and it's fine. Not all guys share my opinion in fact most guys seem to be blissfully ignorant and prefer to hope they have a chance or like me just want the sex. but that can be said for dating one at a time too.
Do what feels right for you OP, there are pros and cons to everything.
One friend of mine does it quite a bit she really likes being chased by guys and there's more than enough willing top play the game. She does keep complaining about how guys don't take her seriously though, she doesn't get that when one guy she's seeing sees the other he's not exactly going to put his heart on the line for a woman like that.
I mean come on, would you get in any way serious with a guy who is boning multiple women? "I'm just dating them, I'm not sleeping with any of them." Haha yeah right, no one would believe that, would you?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (5 November 2012):
 I agree with the idea that it will actually help you realize just what traits and characteristics you truly find attractive in a partner. As long as you don't hide the fact that you are playing the field and are honest with the guys then why not? It's win/win to me. There's plenty of time to settle down after you find the right guy for you.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (5 November 2012):
 I think it's depends on the individual. I don't feel comfortable dating more than one person at a time, but that's just me. I think it can get messy.
If you are going to do this, though, be upfront about it with the guys you are dating. If it gets to a second date, tell the guy so he knows exactly where he stands. Some people won't want to continue to date you if they know you are dating other people, but it's only fair to tell them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): Absolutely not, I think you have totally got the right idea. Seeing several people casually is much healthier than going from one full blown relationship to another IMO, as it lets you work out exactly what you do and don't want from a partner - even if it is none of the guys you are currently dating. I also did this after a break up and it was great. There is no law to say you have to stay single after a break up or tie yourself down to the first person you date either, so relax and enjoy it :) All the best.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 November 2012):
 I don't think it's wrong per se, but for me I couldn't do it. I think if you ARE looking for something serious dating multiple people will only mud the waters.
If you are NOT looking for someone serious and you are up front about it, I would guess it's just fine. As long as you can accept that THEY may also be seeing a bunch of other people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): Absolutely not, I think you have totally got the right idea. Seeing several people casually is much healthier than going from one full blown relationship to another IMO, as it lets you work out exactly what you do and don't want from a partner - even if it is none of the guys you are currently dating. I also did this after a break up and it was great. There is no law to say you have to stay single after a break up or tie yourself down to the first person you date either, so relax and enjoy it :) All the best.
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