A
female
age
36-40,
*tarlove
writes:Hi Everyone! I'm looking to hear from people (especially women) that have raised a family while pursuing their post-secondary education.I'm currently 25 years old and a full-time university student working toward two degrees (simultaneously). I have 2.5 years left of my undergrad degrees.I also happen to be married to a (wonderful! :) 31-year-old man, who works full time at a really good job. He is incredibly sweet, and supportive of my educational goals (he himself has a masters degree).The issue is that we both really want to start a family within the next couple of years. We both really want children and are worried about being too old if we wait too long. We've both decided that we are comfortable with trying to get pregnant in about 1.5-2 years from now.The thing is, that will leave me enough time to finish my undergrad degrees; but not to begin a master's program. I have already looked into grad school options, and with my degrees there will be plenty of program options...I plan to go part-time which would take me 2 years to complete. There are online-based course programs, thesis-based programs, and course-based programs. So I'm excited that there is so much to choose from! I'm just wondering how difficult it would be to finish grad school with a young child.I know people have done it, and that it's possible. (Anything is possible!) But is my plan realistic? I'm good at working under pressure and I have a lot of experience with children (we have 4 nieces and nephews that we've babysat for several days at a time) ...so we both recognize how difficult and busy child-rearing can be!I'm afraid, that if I wait until I complete grad school, I will be too old to have children. (I will be nearly 30,and my husband 35, if we take that route). Early menopause runs in my family. By early, I mean 35. So I am terrified of missing my opportunity to have the family we would like.I'd love to hear peoples thoughts. I am notorious for not considering obvious things! I'd also love to hear from people that have raised children while going to school. Thanks everyone! :)
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (28 December 2012):
Its so refreshing to read someone being so responsible and proactive in their life/career/family planning.2 - My suggestion to you is to try to get the degree first. A masters doesnt take all that long, and once you have it, you'll always have it.Best of luck to you!
A
female
reader, Icequeen1  +, writes (27 December 2012):
In my personal opinion it is easier being a student than working full time when you have a baby. Studying is just pure work but allows you more flexibility than a 9-5 job does. I did this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): I think it will be very hard. You will try to be a good mom and a good student, these two are very hard to combine. It depends on your personality and how much help you are going to get with your baby. If you have willing grandmothers to help sit baby, that's one thing, if it's just you and your husbAnd, it will be very hard. Baby will consume all your time 100%. it's one thing to have a child when you work, then your schedule is more or less predictable, but to study is very different. .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): This is a hard question as its difficult to see into the future.. What you are saying is easier said than done.. I became pregnant while studying for my MHO (mental health officer) and ended up taking my exam in hospital while waiting to give birth, lol and I had a year to go to final get my degree .. Sadly to say after having my baby I didn't get back to training due to health complications of my own, I had post pre eclampsia and oedema . And then went onto have another baby lol.. The future not like a map, it throws up challenges and curves that we can't possible see or assess at this time..Plus baby sitting is nothing like having your own baby 24/7 depending upon the lil ones temperament and personality .. And health.. You may get a very good baby who sleeps a lot. .. You may get coeliac baby who needs lots of time and mummy time .. I have had both.. Both were good baby's though, my lil one who's one just needs more mummy at the minute her poor tummy etc.. I'm not saying you won't be able to.. But anytime studying will be time away from your baby..and family and as a individual who has done that I had to hold my hand up and say.. It wasn't for me .. I couldn't do both .. Not saying you will.. I will go back part-time and finish when my daughters are at school.. Maybe it would be best to finish your degree as its only 2.5 years away and then have baby.. Talk it over with your husband some more maybe that will help..Happy holidays
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 December 2012):
 You wont be able to be a stay at home mum and finish your masters at the same time, unless you're one of the special super women I've seen out there who can do unbelievable things.
However, if your lovely husband stays home with the baby I don't see why you couldn't finish your degrees. Now lets see how supportive he is of that idea?
And then there's kindergardens, and I am sure you have family who can take the child now and then when your husband can't.
But I doubt this would work if you are left with full responsibility of house and baby on your own. But really, I don't see why your education should be put at risk, after all yoru husbands job isn't going to be put at risk when he becomes a father, so why should YOUR work (in this case studies) be put at risk? Sure, take 6 months or so after childbirth to recover and get into the routine, but after that the father can stay at home with the baby just as much as you can. There's pumps for breastmilk so he can feed the child etc. No need for YOU to be stuck at home and unable to do your work.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 December 2012):
 I could never do school and a baby.... but that's me.
and I don't think in this day and age 30 is too old to have a child.
if you are concerned about early menopause talk to your doctor... I'm thinking there are tests they can run to see if you are peri-menopausal already.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): Sounds fine OP, I have a friend who is a single mother, your age, currently doing a masters and working. It's a tough ass juggling act for her and very stressful but she manages well and when she's done she'll have access to a hell of a lot more career options and will be able to provide a better life for her child.
You have the benefit of having a partner too. She is still navigating the dating minefield while doing all this too. I don't know how she does it to be honest but she's quite happy with her life and doing well.
Look the ideal is to be settled into a career and stable before having a child but it doesn't have to be exclusive at all.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (27 December 2012):
 Hi
Theres nothing wrong with your plan in theory and I would imagine you would be a pretty unhappy mum if you weren't working towards a career via study.
So long as you have good support from your husband,especially during the 2am feed period and when babies teething or unwell, thats a fantastic help. You know it won't be easy,you will be tired but it can be done.Something tells me you will cope.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (27 December 2012):
Personally, I would wait and focus on your studies first. Juggling a child in between that would put pressure on everything, and those first years simply won't be a lot of fun because of that. Babysitting can be tiring, but from your own child you get absolutely NO break. This doesn't just make you tired, it slows down your mind as well. This will make it hard to concentrate and as a result things you used to do in half an hour will take hours to complete.
In the end it may all be too much and you'll take much longer to get your degree. This happened to a dear friend of mine, who tried what you want and simply got overwhelmed at the end. And she's one of the most intelligent people I know. Kids suck up time like nothing else does. Babysitting gives you a glimpse of that, but not the whole picture. So unless your bf is willing to work parttime to help you, I don't think this is a good idea.
About the early menopause thing: that still leaves a 6/7 year gap from when you complete your studies.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): You can study anytime, whilst working, pregnant and even with kids round your ankles. You seem to have it all going for you, at the age of 30 I lost my job, home and ended my relationship with my child’s father and chose to raise my child who has special needs alone, as a result decided on a change of career, so I went back to uni and have recently finished my 3 year undergrad and am now doing my masters part time, the only issues I have is staying motivated to continue, due to lack of everyday support, but when I look back on where I was and where I am going, it keeps me going. I found Uni isolating at times because no everyone shared the same lifestyle, even though our goals to complete the course are the same, our needs differ, and will be other mothers that you may be able to relate to. It involves major discipline for allocating time to lectures, school runs, appointments and revising, but the main advantage is you only let yourself down if you don’t stick to the work unlike employment where you have the boss to answer too, therefore the pressure is not as much. You have a supportive partner so I would go for it whenever you’re ready if you are prepared it will not be a burden.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012):
For many people this is completely realistic. You say yourself you know a lot of people who have done it. I know a woman who was a *single* mom who held down a high pressure job as a research scientist and manager of her department who completed another grad degree in computer science while raising her son.
I have no idea how hard it was on her or whether it was the best thing for her son, but she did it. This degree was through a major research university, not through some diploma mill, so it was very time-consuming.
Many people can't do a graduate degree even while unemployed and with no children, so it depends completely on you - your work ethic, your motivation, your intelligence, your support system. However, I see nothing wrong with your plan.
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