A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for over 5 years. We only see each other on weekends because he has been building a house. He is a truthful, loyal, intelligent man. My problem is that he lacks passion. He doesn't really enjoy kissing and is content to sleep over on the weekends without being intimate with me. He's content to snuggle up with me, and go for months without having sex. We're both in our forties and I'm wondering if passion is reserved just for the first couple of weeks of a relationship. Is the lack of passion something I just must accept? I'll see a romantic movie and my heart aches for passion! Is this just being unrealistic?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): I don't think you're being unrealistic at all. The "honeymoon" phase of passion does pass, but in healthy relationships it's replaced by an easygoing kind of lovemaking where the desire to please is mutual. The sexual urge should still be there at least sometimes, especially for him!
You also need to ask yourself (this is really important!) if good, passionate kissing is important to you. If so, then it may be time to move on. I was in a relationship for years with a guy who couldn't kiss worth a damn-- eventually it was one of the reasons why the relationship ended (he was a great guy, by the way-- just not the right guy for me). In the down phases of a long-term relationship, those great kisses may just be the glue that holds the two of you together! :)
I would have a gentle but serious talk with him and bring up your concerns. If he's having erectile dysfunction, for example, he should see a doctor and get treated. If he's no longer sexually interested in you, then he's not being fair to you by hanging on. He needs to set you free to pursue other relationships if you so choose. You can still be friends.
Even though he's a great guy, that doesn't make him Mr. Right for you. It makes him a great "friend", but not a great boyfriend. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel vibrant, sexual, and well-loved!
A
female
reader, Jolin  +, writes (26 August 2009):
 well..what i found, the romantic movie has been set for the audience to enjoy..LOLthere must be up and down phase in the relationship. It's normal. The problems are vary..from sex, calls, texts, or even bills.Stay in love needs efforts..my question: have you talked about this to your boyfriend about why he seemed lack of passion recently? I think you need to talk to him..he may be stress with the house building, or other problems.from that point, i guess you two will know how to solve it.Good luck!
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