A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met my bf when we both werent looking for a relationship. we never wanted to be apart, he made me feel wonderful, he was inspired to change his outlook on life, we were both so alike(and still are in some ways). passionate, kind, thoughtful, happy were just some of what we brought out of one another. i couldnt remember the last time i felt so comfortable and free to be myself, i could be open and share my hobbies and interests with someone that adores everything i do and say as i did him. im not sure where this love went wrong but i can tell you what began to make me see him differently. since we had met I had always worked full time as a retail manager close to my home. when we met he was working with his uncle managing a team of landscapers.my bf would work most days but before he met me he would miss most of work to party irresponsibly with his friends.once we started dating he was with me every day and night. he would have to wake up to drive to work much earlier by staying at my house rather than his own but it was worth it for us. we both sacrificed and dedicated ourselves to one another. maybe the drives in the morning were getting too much and him and his uncle would have disagreements now and then so he would be told to take time off..My bf was never really paid enough for the long hours he would put in and I never really wanted to get too involved with his family business or any personal matters that he wouldnt tell me about first.he told me everything and so did i..even if it would upset us for a moment we wanted to always trust and love one another. we both have a wild side that we would share. the only difference is that I have responsibilities..he was more carefree (as I once was). I had come a long way from living paycheck to paycheck, I changed the way i lived without really compromising who I was/am..all before I met him..I began to look at things between us as he got to have all the fun for the both of us. he would have fun for days forgetting about work until his uncle and him decided that having my bf work for him was not going to work.I was supportive..helping him search for other jobs..p/t, f/t..creating his resume, discussing possibly opening his own company ..I began to spend more energy on him than myself.after long days at work to come home to someone that all day had not accomplished much..maybe cooked dinner, hopefully tidied up the house..i was getting genuinely upset. i was paying utilities at least when he had some money he would help pay for groceries or anything but he was also no good with money.i stayed optimistic until I asked him to please move out of my house if he wanted to work things out because I was independent before him and I didnt want any added responsibilities. we missed each other soo much and it was hard for both of us but within days we were together again although I tried so hard to be strong. he moved back in and i found him a part time job in my mall. i was soo proud of him..he was doing so well.I even managed to get him a 2nd position at a store and now he had two part times and we were both working. it felt good again. well, he was unhappy working these jobs and eventually wasn't doing well. i was disappointed this time more than before because i had decided to transfer back to my home state and we made plans to save up.i told him that if he could carry his weight up to NY then he sure can come. everytime I saw a little improvement he wouldn't realize how fast he would spend his earnings. for the last couple of months(before Halloween..its the end of December) he has not been working. we have had arguments..he would even go days without cleaning although he was home all day. he would leave me then come back and the finally a fews days ago i told him to leave.in 3wks I am transferring to NY and i have a lot to do. its the busiest time of year at my store, he still isnt working, he broke my phone in an argument..he is home now contacting me that he misses me and i try not to pay attention but i love him. he was bringing out the mean in me and this time apart is good. but what should i do? i know people don't changed but im hopelessly in love..we both are the ones in the relationships that try to make things work..but is this ever going to work?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSO this is my last weekend in Miami and i am moving monday to NY. MY bf/ex and I have been in touch but I just dont feel the same about him..how can I go 1 year with someone and from almost one day to the next lose that loving feeling? I loved to love him! i know I should probably let go but what we had was soo nice.MY brother is helping me move, we are driving up. The "bf" has been at his home on and off since new years but he is at his house now. he's been asking me about where he should live in Manhattan because, he wants to be with me but i told him..he has to get himself to NY without my help. if he actually has a career waiting for him up there and if he really has been saving money somehow to travel to NYC, get a place to live and a job then I told him I will probably move in with him. BUT, he must show me first that he is serious about stepping up to the plate and finally growing up to be the man he knows I expect him to be..Do you think that that would be fair? Im going without him..I feel as if I am holding on to him slightly b/c a part of me still loves him and misses him (some of the time more than others)..idk, if this is a shield Ive put up to protect myself from getting hurt or what but it is a chance he would have to take.any words of advice on how to handle the anticipation? im not really getting my hopes high..but im not doubting him either..its a strange feeling..not knowing..I suppose "que sera sea"
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): You need to break up with this guy for good. You are a responsible girl who has plans and goals for her life, and you are never going to accomplish them with this guy around. He's going nowhere, and if you aren't careful, you're going nowhere with him. He's not going to change, and unfortunately you are going to have to accept that and move on. Please don't ruin your life over this man, he is most definitely not worth it. If you stay with him, you're going to have to live exactly like this for the rest of your time together-him having no job and doing nothing. Why waste any more of your time on this loser?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 December 2009):
But you're in love with a man who doesn't sound all the responsible, isn't moving further forward with his life and he broke your phone in an argument. He's a toddler who needs to grow up. Grown up men don't act this way. This won't work, because he sees you as a meal ticket, not a girlfriend. And he won't change as long as you're there to give in. I know you're in love, but the fact is you can do better than a guy who is using you as an ATM card. Be brave, move on and find your Mr Right, because this guy isn't him.
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