A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Were not together and never will be (as far as im concerned) but we have a child on the way.He said he cant be there for us from day one of my pregnancy which iv accepted, but he will be there financially for us, which im fine with.Although, he gave me his e-mail addy and asked to see pictures of our newborn (which i dont mind as he his paying up) but all my friends and family recon that hes showing signs he may want something to do with this child, more so than hes actually letting on!Because of all the circumstances such as, he works away a hell of a lot and only comes to my home town one every 6 months, and hes in a relationship where his partner doesnt know about me, so im not comfortable him swanning in and out of our lives once every 6 months, its way too confusing for all three of us. i really want to do whats best for my baby but i feel im going to end up at this cross road and not know where to turn. Please be as honest as you lot like answering this one because any con's aswell as pro's will be much appreciated, belive me!thanks in advance xx Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your comments. ur all right about the confusion this will put my child through.
I think my best bet is, to come up with an ultimatum, either be there on a regular basis, or not at all.
I will think more about this, but as youve all said, once every 6 months, then explaining why hes missed important events in my babys life, is not very good. I think im going to have to put my foot down with him. thanks xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): He doesn't know how he feels now, and can't make any decisions. His opinion could well change when he sees his new daughter or son, and he may want more involvement than he thinks now. Don't make any decisions until then, as you can only build some kind of agreement when you've both realised how you feel about this. However much support you might need through your pregnancy, you need to seek that from friends and family, (as I assume you always planned, knowing he wouldn't be there) and get him to make a decision once your child is in the world.
As for his partner, he can never be a part of your child's life until she knows. Girlfriends may come and go for him, but he's got a responsibility to your child for the rest of its life. How do you think your child would feel growing up, knowing he/she was a dirty little secret, a mistake? Daddy can only come and see you when his wife is busy, you can't run up to him and jump in his arms if you see him on the street, he might not be there for you at every birthday party, every school play, every time a father should be there. What child could understand that, let alone accept it?
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A
female
reader, sarah-lou +, writes (24 May 2008):
If he was responsible to create a baby i think its only the right thing to do by accepting your responsibility and wanting to see your child. Alot of men may just walk away, dont they? I don't see much point of him seeing your baby twice a year, they won't be able to bond and that isn't what i think of being a parent. If he really was wanting to be a parent then he would make the commitments to be there, he would tell his partner, move job etc. If he isnt prepared to make these commitments then i suggest you tell him no. Then again, thinking ahead, if this guy wasnt going to get involved and you were to loose contact, in years to come your baby might want answers to questions. As i do not know my father i can see and understand the questioning that your child might have to face.
i hope i have helped, these are my thoughts on the issue,
take care, sarah lou. x
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