A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife seems to be becomming more and more of a party girl. We both did our fair share of partying, drinking, hooking-up, etc in Highschool and college (before we met). Then came the dog years of building careers and pregnancies. Now that we are emerging from those years, she seems to be reverting back to how she was years ago. I'll elaborate:It started with her wearing very revealing clothes on our date nights (with my encouragement) after a time, she started wearing these types of things out among other people, or even when I am not there. Now, She sometimes flashed her breasts at parties (to her girl friends or me, but there are guys who see too). She increasingly makes crude jokes about being a slut, either through forwarding jokes of that nature on social media, or to cause a stir among the men at a party. She suggested we all go skinny dipping one evening and was the first to shed her clothes. She lets men buy her drinks and chat her up when she goes on girl weekends (but as of yet has declined offers to dance with any men). She says, " what's wrong with a little flirting, if I always come home to you?". In the context of a joke, she briefly grabbed two guys "packages" (in front of me at a party).People are naturally drawn to her. Women cause she is fun I suppose. And men, cause, well, isn't that obvious? There wives are not going to shed their clothing in front of everyone and jump in the ocean, or flash their boobies, laugh and encourage jokes and comments made directly about her anatomy,, etc., When their wives wont be so on display, I am sure it's exciting to leer at mine. I think some men are jealous - they wish thy had a "hot wife". I assure some feel the exact opposite and wonder how I deal with it. However, they all enjoy the charged interaction with her.Now to my question. In all fairness I have encouraged some of this behavior - or at least initially. It was exciting. I liked it. It was fun. However, I am growing concerned. Sometime ago I stopped encouraging her. If I express some reluctance about any particular thing, she blows it off or explains it away (I always come home to you right?). She may have started doing this to excite me, however she now derives pleasure out of it just for herself. For my part, what do I do with my uneasiness? Does this mean she is slipping down the slope to cheating, and I need to firmly put an end to it? Or, if this is a part of her that has been repressed for so long, just let her enjoy herself (within limits), because squashing her impulses would probably drive her to do stuff outside our marriage anyway? Is it harmless girl stuff, and I should just deal with it, or maybe be happy that I have an exciting wife that other men probably fantasize about? I have done the middle ground, calmly express some concern, but this she brushes off, and if anything, her behavior is increasing.
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male
reader, BillyRayValentine +, writes (5 February 2013):
First off let me say that I have been in your shoes before with my wife. She is also very attractive and her entire adult life prior to me had no problem getting attention from men.Without going into long winded detail about it, when we started dating she flirted, danced, got touchy feely with men when we were out together. This was unacceptable to me and not respectful of me the person taking her out on a date. How I dealt with it. Direct and Firm. I have high self esteem, high value for myself and others, and treat people with respect. I expect the same in return from the people in my life.Be direct, be firm, in a loving caring way let her know how you feel. Set "Boundaries", Set "Boundaries", if your not comfortable with something she is wearing, feel the way she is acting is disrespectful to you and your relationship she needs to stop doing it. Its called respecting you, her husband.Would she be fine if you were grabbing girls boobs, making out with some random girls? Basically do something that gets to a point that makes her uncomfortable. Then all you have to say is but honey "Don't worry about it I'm coming home to you"? Give me a break!Now you did open this can of worms a little with pushing it to some degree. So you have a little bit of blame. And, as it has gotton worse you have not really put your foot down about it. Well the time is now, today. Because yes what she is doing is a slippery slope and yes it can lead to cheating.Have a very loving, but firm, direct conversation about how it makes you feel when she does the things that bother you and you feel it is crossing the line. Set "Boundaries" what is exceptable for "both" of you. She has no bussiness touching another mans junk, joke or no joke. Or getting naked for all to see if you don't like it.Just like you could do things that she might not like. But, hopefully you don't because you have respect for your wife. She needs to have more respect for you her husband. My wife and I have a good relationship, but we have had bumps in the road like most married couples. What I have learned is when things pop up and your not happy about something, don't wait, communicate. If she loves you she will stop and adjust, because she respects you and your marriage.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): So it was ok whilst you liked it and encouraged it but now she's doing it for her own enjoyment you've lost the control? Why don't you behave the same way, she how she reacts.
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