A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok I have a bunch of friends, well they're not really close friends as some of them are a bit untrustworthy and have been known to 'shit' on their mates by sleeping with their exes etc.I also have a boyfriend who I love very much. We been together 7 months.Sometimes these friends will invite myself and my partner out. He wants to go and I think he enjoys being with a bunch of girls, but I on the otherhand, cannot relax. He is not exactly a flirt with them but i can tell he is realy enjoying being the man amongst a group of girlies. Some of my friends are a bit flirty too. There is this one girl that he once said was very pretty and for that reason I have a bit of a complex when she is out with us but he never flirts with her cos he knows how I feel on the matter.They invited us out the other week but I declined but then something my mum said made me feel guilty. She said I'd end up with no mates and that if I trust Mark I should go out with all my friends and him, since he is keen to go. The thing is he doesn't have a group of male friends himself (only one or two friends that are married) and he has admitted he would absolutely HATE it if I was out with him and a group of lads as he'd be paranoid like me.What do I do in future if they ask again? Do I bite the bullet and go?? The thing that winds me up a little is that he is a bit like the cat that got the creme (big smile on his face etc) when we are out with my girlfriends and if I'm talking to one friend I will look round and he'll be walking in front with someone else. I personally feel that if he is with me and a group of my GIRLfriends, he should walk with me and be more attentive.IS my thinking FAR TOO possessive or do I have a good point? Would any one else risk him coming out and then ending up fancying one of my friends? or them flirting with him etc,
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 How do you know what the boundries should be when he is out with your friends?
Basic rules of relationships should be in play here. Those will be things that you should discuss with your BF beforehand.
Personally I would say things like a greeting or goodbye hug would be alright. Maybe the hello peck on the cheek if that's a cultural norm. Any other touching should be avoided. For example he shouldn't have his arm around any of them. He shouldn't have his hand on their leg. They shouldn't have their hand on his leg or arm, etc. either. Of course, tapping someone on the shoulder to get their attention should be fine.
One thing you should avoid though is trying to "mark your territory" so to speak. Don't hang all over him in their presence. This makes you appear weak, needy, and shows a lack of confidence. It's perfectly acceptable for you to sit close to eachother or even in contact. Just avoid trying to display how close you are if that makes any sense. You need to show your confidence that you trust him and know he would never want to leave you. That will not only make you more attractive to him, but make you feel better too.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): hey thanks for the response.
I guess I am just worried that (with alcohol involved) things will get out hand - like it'll cause a big row or something if he goes to far with the friendliness thing!
How do I know what the boundaries should be when he is out with my friends? What i mean is, how much is too much attention on one of my pals.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 September 2010):
I think your mom is right. You have to trust him until he proves himself untrustworthy.
Your example of him mingling in a group. That's part of being out at a party. He shouldn't be following you around like he's your lap dog. That's not healthy. Going around and conversing with different people is natural in that setting. If you want him to come with you for something, then tell him. Just casually say "hey, I'm going to get another drink, please come with me." It doesn't have to be needy or anything. If he asks whats up, just tell him you wanted to get him alone for a minute to give him a kiss or something.
Guys like attention just like anyone else. If he's out with a group of your friends then you should be there too. I don't see a problem unless he starts going out with them without you. His empathy on the matter is also reassuring. He knows how you feel because he would feel the same way. Because of that, he is much less likely to do anything that will hurt you.
The best thing you can do is keep the communication open in your relationship. It sounds like you've discussed this and that's good. Just remember that relationships should be built on trust and communication. Please trust him until he proves himself unworthy of that trust.
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