A
female
age
30-35,
*ella16
writes:should i tell my teacher i love him?he always flirts with me and hes not the flirting type at allll hes alil nerdyhe makes comments like 1 day i was whislting in class and he said theres a bird in the class and someone said its hunting season and he said for some its mating season....i usually go get him a coffee and he asked me to do him a favour and go get him one and another student said oh can i go and he said no della makes me the best coffee i dont know what it is but ive gotten other students to go get me coffee and it just doesnt taste as good as when della brings it to me.....another time a student made a sexual remark in class about a vagina message and he was staring at me with this sex look in his eyes and a grin....he always leans over my desk and looks at meone time i asked to go to the washroom and he said yeah and opened the door for me and then he watched me walk down the hall and i turned and said your gonna watch me and he said yes....another time he was sitting at his desk and i needed a pen so i walked up to him and said watch out and opened the drawer which is infront of his croach area and he leaned back and stuck his pelvis out and was looking at me smiling sexually and i was looking at him smiling too then when i got the pen and started walking away he asked me if i was gonna see if it worked so i walked back and went to scribble on his attendance paper and he grabbed my arm and we began to restle, which after that became something we did often........we have alot in common and i got tickets to see this band and we ended up being at the same concert and the next day talked about it i walked into class and hes like oh della has such bad taste in music she went to sucha crappy concert lastnight and i said it was so crappy you went and everyone in the class was like what! you guys went to the same concert and he said yeah unfortuanly....for della......there is so much more that has happened but i would be writting a novel! so i guess ill leave it at that.... oh and this past year i just graduated and i gave him an giorgio armani tie and he excepted i wrapped and gave it to him and left without him opening it...the next time i saw him my told me he was staring at me smurking and he came up to me and said thank you for the tie its a beautiful tie, and hugged me.........now hes married with twins he got met,married and had kids with this woman all in 1 year when i was in gr 10......and he knows i have the biggest crush on him, should i tell him how i feel face to face because hes always on my mind and i have to knowww!!!! please help meeee
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crush, flirt, my teacher, vagina Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 What you have described in you various posts is classic hormonal flush encountered by teenagers. It leads to irrational acts, helpless infatuation, and emotional turmoil. Society has laid a few ground rules to give us a guide when going through the white heat of unrequited love. As previous writers have already told you, pursuing this lost cause can only end in more tears and heartache - and not just for you.Find someone for yourself - not someone married with children.
A
female
reader, della16 +, writes (12 November 2009):
della16 is verified as being by the original poster of the question yeah i understand what you are saying.which i have done before when i heard he was getting married i was really angry and hurt and was depressed for a long time until i got fed up of feeling that way and started going out with my friends more and occupying my brain with other things. and it was going well until i entered gr 12 and he was 1 of my teachers, at first i kept telling myself no no no but in the end i started at square 1. this time i was less naive and a little bit older so i wasnt sooo foolish, i admitted to liking him alot but that we would never be together because he was married but then i just gave in and didnt care about his status i just wanted to be selfish and have him to myself....but anyways im going to slowly try to get back on that wagon again and hopefully it will work for good this time
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (12 November 2009):
 Thank you for that followup, Della, that was a good one. It helps us understand a little better what you're going through.
I had a thought about what you wrote and I want to share it with you. You're going to think it's a bit odd sounding, but I'll try to explain it as best I can.
I take yoga these days, I find it helps keep me centered and aware. One of my teachers was talking about energy and how we generate it and how it is all around us and in us. All kind of kooky yoga stuff, but she made a really good point that got me thinking.
She said, "Energy follows thought."
Right, energy follows thought, what the hell does that have to do with Della and her dilemma (the "Dellemma", ha!)? What she meant was that what you are thinking about is where your energy will go, and where actions will spring from. So if you are thinking about this all the time, all your energy gets devoted to it and it feeds on itself, in a way. You are sustaining this level of crush/infatuation/limerence/love/lust because you are feeding it with your thoughts and wishes and hopes.
If you rob it of some of that energy, by thinking about other things, perhaps the amount of feeling you have, the intense feelings that are driving you crazy and confusing you and driving you to post things here on DearCupid about wedding rings or what kind of figures men like, perhaps that feeling won't be so intense and won't be so critical. Maybe if you turn your thoughts to something good, something positive, you'll be feeding something that actually helps you grow as a person and as a woman and makes you even better and more wonderful. The energy will flow to that thought and before you know it, there'll be no old "Dellemma" but new things and even better things.
Energy follows thought.
You ponder on that for a while and maybe my convoluted explanation will make sense for you.
Hugs.
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A
female
reader, della16 +, writes (12 November 2009):
della16 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your words Tisha, i understand where you are coming from and everyone else too,im just fustrated because its not fair...but anyways no im not missing a father figure, i dont think its that to be honest i dont know what it isall i can say is its just him, and what i know of him even tho some people would say i dont know him enough or at all...and the role playing part i have thought about i must admit it does bother me, but in the situation its obvious im being selfish as bad as it sound and is, its the truththe things i say might sound stupid but im just venting all my feelings, its doesnt nessacarly mean im action on it even tho it sounds like i want to i dont think ill ever muster up the confidence to do itbut i truly thank you all for your comments
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 November 2009):
Timing. It's all about timing. He is married and has children, all the other stuff is you desperately wanting him to want you back. He is off the market, something that a mature person would understand means he is off-limits, he has made his love choice, and because of timing, it was not you.
Because of your youth, and your hormones and perhaps you are missing a father figure (?) or your father is distant (?), you have zeroed in on a man who was in a position of authority over you.
Let's do a little role-play. Let's pretend that you are his wife, right now, right this minute, and you are the one with the twins at home and are waiting for him to come home. Let's imagine that he is still teaching, that he is in school, and there is this young and beautiful student who thinks he is the most wonderful man she has ever met and she wants to be with him. She flirts with him, she looks at him, she shows off her body in class, she is dazzling to him. He falls in love with her, throws his career into the bin, decides that he doesn't care if he ever lives with you, his wife, and his twins that he made with you, again. He has decided to move in with this young girl. He leaves his young wife--you in this scenario--and breaks her heart.
You want him to like you so much that you are building huge fantasies out of a glance or a comment. It's so much fun and it's so delicious to contemplate but it is not based on a real relationship/friendship, the kind that people who do wind up marrying enjoy before they even start dating. They get to know each other, as individuals, they hang out together, they have things in common, they understand what the other one is thinking.
There's a term for the passionate feelings you are experiencing: limerence. Read about it here and keep in mind we all are here to try to help you, not to hurt you. We want you to see things as clearly as possible. Okay?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence
Take care now.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 November 2009):
 What about the married and father of twins part???????
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A
female
reader, della16 +, writes (12 November 2009):
della16 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfor the 50million time i have graduated which means im no longer his student! so his career is fine
ok so then dont waste your words.....
thanks
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 November 2009):
And here we have a deja vu all over again. A young school girl with a crush on her married,father of twins,teacher who absolutely is not looking for solid advice just goofy ideas on how to win him over so he'll leave his family and career in the dust because his love for this sweet young thing is just too overwhelming. 'cough'
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A
female
reader, della16 +, writes (12 November 2009):
della16 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso how am i suppose to just forget about him and move on?
i made him notice me i asked for everything that has happened....and i love the attention he has givin me
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A
female
reader, della16 +, writes (12 November 2009):
della16 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have known him for 6 years and he has never done anything like that teacher...
yeah he has made sexual remarks and some gestures but nothing to that extreme
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A
female
reader, mysterious_blonde_lady +, writes (11 November 2009):
But he didnt seem it to begin with...
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A
female
reader, della16 +, writes (11 November 2009):
della16 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for bringing that to my attention...
but hes nothing like that teacher
that man was a true creep
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A
female
reader, della16 +, writes (11 November 2009):
della16 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhes just always been sucha sweetheart
one time while on a charity walk downtown with our school we talked for about 2 hours just me and him he helped me sort out a problem i had then later all the teachers were going to go out and eat but he was hesitant to leave me he kept asking if id be ok and even gave me money just incase the other teachers had to actually tell him to lets go about 5 times....
another time he took me into a empty classroom and asked me about a situation that happened earlier with him and a rude student, he said he asked me because i was the only one he trusted and he knew i would tell him the truth...
we stayed after school to fix up the doors by painting them and he gave me the jacket he was using so he wouldnt get dirty and said here you were it so you dont get dirty
not to mention all the breaks hes givin me on late assignments or projects lol
he has bought me coffee a few times
and this one time i was dying of thurst and i was staying after school with him to do some more painting and i didnt have any money to buy a drink but i seen my friend in the hallway and asked if she had a dollar for a drink because i was really thirsty but she didnt and then when i went downstairs he had bought me a drink without me even asking him....
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A
female
reader, della16 +, writes (11 November 2009):
della16 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhes just always been sucha sweetheartone time while on a charity walk downtown with our school we talked for about 2 hours just me and him he helped me sort out a problem i had then later all the teachers were going to go out and eat but he was hesitant to leave me he kept asking if id be ok and even gave me money just incase the other teachers had to actually tell him to lets go about 5 times....another time he took me into a empty classroom and asked me about a situation that happened earlier with him and a rude student, he said he asked me because i was the only one he trusted and he knew i would tell him the truth...we stayed after school to fix up the doors by painting them and he gave me the jacket he was using so he wouldnt get dirty and said here you were it so you dont get dirtynot to mention all the breaks hes givin me on late assignments or projects lolhe has bought me coffee a few timesand this one time i was dying of thurst and i was staying after school with him to do some more painting and i didnt have any money to buy a drink but i seen my friend in the hallway and asked if she had a dollar for a drink because i was really thirsty but she didnt and then when i went downstairs he had bought me a drink without me even asking him....
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A
female
reader, mysterious_blonde_lady +, writes (3 November 2009):
Shit,k this guy is a weirdo... please for gods sake stay away froim him. I was sexually abused by a teacher when i was at school from age 14; who behaved EXACTLY how yours is behaving. Please dear god stay away from this man!!! Yes he is nice, of course he is nice they are always nice to begin with! Please be careful, he knows you fancy him you don't need to tell him. This behaviour is so innappropriate, he is supposed to be your teacher? He should not be doing any of the things you listed;;; type 'sexual predators' into google and look at list of signs and behaviour traits; you wil find he matchjes them well.
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A
female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (2 November 2009):
 he's definitely physically attracted to you, but i'm still not convinced that he truly cares about you. can you provide some examples?
and you probably shouldn't tell him how you feel unless he gets a divorce.
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A
female
reader, butterfly0916 +, writes (1 November 2009):
 Hey i have been in a situation kinda like this but totally different...
what i mean is i to liked my mentor and i did the mistake to tell him my real feelings,i was lucky he took it okay and didnt put a nasty face like he did with another girl that liked him in my school....
please unless you are strong please dont tell him you like him keep it to yourself and i also suggest as hard as it is to move on and find your self other guys that are avaliable because the only one that will get hurt in the end is yourself...please take care and think 2x before doing anything...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): GIRL... Quit reading between the lines because apparently you're not seeing it... HE IS YOUR MARRIED TEACHER!!! We can't get any more plain than that. I had a teacher like that back when I was in highschool. He had a wife, not only am I not into men a decade older than me but I have enough sense to know that a married man will not leave his wife for a child... I'm sorry, a young adult. Believe me, you still have some living to do.Everything he WILL do will only be in the closet, where his wife will possibly NOT find out because he knows that if she does she will take him for everything he's got and alimony sucks!Furthermore, he is showing CLEARLY his true colors! In the event that he ever did leave his wife (and I HIGHLY doubt it so don't get your hopes up) what makes you think he won't cheat on you if he cheats on the mother of his two kids?!The teacher I had apparently tried another student, now when I see him he's on the city bus with the classifieds in his lap. AND I AM NOT BLUFFING. TRUE STORY!!!Be smart sweetie, and go find someone your age, single, and a good head on his shoulder. You will enjoy life more together. Besides, if married men decide they don't want to be jerks any more (given they never get caught or the wife is forgiving) the only person who loses is you.You don't know him that well just because you had lunch together.Take care hun!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 October 2009):
If you tell him how you feel I know exactly what will happen. He'll run for cover and you'll be left standing with egg on your face. Let it go, this is a no win situation.
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female
reader, della16 +, writes (28 October 2009):
della16 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni would really like a guys opinion and point of view
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A
female
reader, della16 +, writes (28 October 2009):
della16 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionin class one day someone asked him if he loved his wife he answered sometimes....now im not taking anything from it and he got married when i was in gr 10 i liked him since gr 9 but never had him as a teacher until gr 12, i got to know him threw spirit of youth it was his club, i was young and he didnt know me as well as he does now and he didnt know i had feelings for him and im obviously older, another thing he is no longer my teacher i graduated, i never wanted to tell him how i felt until i graduated because i wanted to avoid any trouble that could if happened.....i just cant stop thinking about him like what if
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A
female
reader, della16 +, writes (28 October 2009):
della16 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthere is more to it the just sexual remarks or gestures....hes not a perv at all, we just connect and have great chemistry, we had lunch together on a fieldtrip one day and we just talked about everything, and at the end he said that he was impressed...we share the same backround, being italian and we have so much more in common the same music, we have the same favourite actors, the food we like and so much more, he makes it very clear that he cares, hes a big sweetheart
im sorry if i sound naive its just how i feel....
but thank you all for your comments
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