A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My cousin died of cancer one year ago at the age of 46. She was married for 14 years to a wonderful man (whom I will call "Bill"). They decided not to have kids because she was diagnosed with cancer at the beginning of their marriage, but were inseparable and loved each other very much. Our family is very, very close and she was like a sister to me with whom I grew up with. I just found out my older sister is interested in "Bill". I am appalled by the idea and feel so much shame and disgust toward my sister whom I think is disrespecting my cousin's memory and family for that matter. I can understand Bill feeling lonely and looking for someone to talk to, but I feel my sister is capable of taking advantage of this (and his wealth) and trying to take it to another level.Is it correct for my sister to date my late cousin's husband?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 Bill is an adult. He must make his own decisions about who he lets into his life, you don't get to control that. I am with So_Very_Confused in this, moving on to love again is not disrespectful. It's been a year now. And Bill is probably lonely. I don't think it's about taking advantage, sure it could be, but then again it could be your sister is genuine, and it could be Bill doesn't just want a comforting hug either, but something serious. In which case, he'll be the one to judge what happens next, no one else. If you think it is wrong to make a pass at him then you don't. Are you jealous that your sister might beat you to him or something?
If you aren't interested in Bill yourself then I think you would do best by wishing him the best and letting him sort out advances by himself.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 November 2011):
 My mother and father were married for over 45 years
My mother died in my fathers arms and he cried like a baby. He loved her so much. That was 16 years ago and he still cries about her on October 23rd the day she died.
Three months later on a blind date he met the woman who would become my quasi stepmom. He has been with her since then. He does not love my mother any less and he is NOT disrespecting my mom. Men who were happily married usually find new partners quickly after their love dies. It's a sociological fact. It's just that they were so happy and so in love they don't want or can't figure out how to be alone.
It's not out of disrespect.
Personally I'm sorry it bothers you, but unless you know for a fact that your sister is gold-digging and taking advantage yhou should MYOB
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 Bill is happy, your sister is happy........do you want them to split up so they can be unhappy like you? I got engaged after knowing my wife for 2 or three months and we've been married 25 years. Many people thought that was crazy. I'm glad I didn't listen. Don't create a problem where one doesn't exist.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2011): Your cousin is gone and life has to move on. Your cousins wish Im sure is for her husband to be happy, no matter who it is with. SHe doesnt want him to grieve forever.. ANd everyones grieving process is different. Not everyone grieves the way you do. A year may seem a short time to some, and plenty of time for another. It is not fair for you to judge your sister for being attracted to a single man just because he was once with your cousin, in my opinion. Yes, they loved each other and were together a long time... But that chapter has ended unfortunately and he is now a single man able to date whomever he wants and your sister is a single woman who can date whomever she wants. Your cousin wouldnt want anyone to hold back her husbands potential newfound happiness on her account. Your sister might be just what he needs right now. WHo knows? EIther way, in my opinion, it doesnt concern you and they will do whatever they decide to do whether you like it or not.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 November 2011):
 Do you think Bill should be alone for the rest of his life? In order to honor his wife?
I think it's up to Bill to figure out when he is ready to date again. He will never forget your cousin, no matter who he dates or when he starts to date them.
Maybe your sister is exactly what he needs right now, but maybe not long term. That is really for him to figure out. If you think your sister is being direspectful, maybe talk to her?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 It has only been a year therefore it is all still raw and am sure you are still very sad and grieving. This is normal. It is not my place to judge. Maybe your sister feels close to this man because he reminds her of her cousin and the good times you all shared together. At the end of the day weather you think it is wrong or right she is more than likely going to try anyway. I guess it is his choice if he takes her up on her offer or not. Sadly your cousin is gone now and life moves on. I think you should just let this go and not let it worry you.
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