A
female
age
51-59,
*eganbetty
writes:My partner of almost 7 years seems to have a drug/alcohol abuse syndrome. He doesn't do any hard drugs solely weed and alcohol. However, weed, he smokes every day usually under control. When he does too much and I get mad about it, either he was happy so decided to get drunk/high or was sad and decided to get drunk/high. He doesn't drink that much alcohol in reality, but when he drinks, he doesn't know when to stop so he always gets drunk. It's usually not too bad with his pot smoking, he'll get a little high to deal w/ his anxiety which is something that pot helps to diminish. However, sometimes he goes totally overboard and gets wasted on either pot or drink or both. Right now, he's not working, neither of us are. It's been going great for the most part and he rarely goes overboard. Until recently. Lately, he's been getting drunk frequently and stoned frequently. His ex called him last week about a cat of his who died and he was devastated so has been sad and getting wasted for the past week. He did love that cat a lot however it seems something else is going on. He got wasted today and I flipped out. I was verbally and even, I'm ashamed to admit, physically abusive toward him. I kicked him out. I want to split up, but we have 9 animals together and our house is worth less than what we paid for it so I'm very scared to lose it and where will I go with those animals? And he doesn't have a job and hasn't been able to get one for a year so what if he becomes homeless? I don't want this life for me. He makes me hate myself and worse, I don't want this life for the future. He doesn't seem like the kind of person who could ever quit substances for good. he is too weak. I've also, I think, fallen out of love with him. I love him dearly, but I am not sexually attracted to him anymore so I think that means I'm over it. If someone just smokes weed as their main vice, could they be an addict?
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female
reader, veganbetty +, writes (3 March 2010):
veganbetty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response. You make some valid points. I would NEVER give up my animals, not to a shelter where they would be killed especially. I have made a commitment to them for life. As for my boyfriend, he has told me that he is willing to seek help although he is against AA. We are going to seek counseling together in the hopes that there is a way to change. He really wants to move toward healthy living.
A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (3 March 2010):
 The whole "is weed addictive" debate has many sides. I personally believe people can become dependent on weed, but not get addicted in the sense that they *need* it to function and develop a physical dependency on it.
It sounds like he does it because it's there and he enjoys the feeling, which isn't necessarily the same as full blown addiction where you get a lot of withdrawal symptoms if you don't get what you want.
But even so, he needs help. So what does he do all day? Sit around doing nothing but smoke weed and drink? To me, that is not a fulfilling life. I would say he needs help because of this. But I can imagine that he won't want to give up this lifestyle he's created for himself.
I'd suggest to break up with him, but if you are afraid of him being homeless then help him get help. Suggest drug and alcohol counselling. Tell him he can have a much more fulfilling and healthy life if he gave up smoking and drinking everyday.
As for the animals, if you are taking them all you may need to give them away or put them in a shelter if you cannot look after them all.
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