A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello, i was with my boyfriend for three years, in that time he cheated twice, and also dumped me once before he finally dumped me again.His reason being that he just did not have the time and money to come and see me, although i was travelling to his mor ethan he was comming to mine.we split up last october (on my birthday), and i never heard from him again until just befor christmas, he sent a text asking how i was and to have a good xmas.then come january he began texting more frequent,occasionally ringing me up, i asnwered each time keeping it polite and friendly.(i have to admit here that although i had moved on alot since we split, i still harboured faint thoughts of him realising that he loved me)he asked to come and visit me as a friends, and i said it was fine, when he was here he said things such as: he loved me , how he would like us to be together and that he would like to get a job closer to me.since then he has been back once, two weeks ago, i got tipsy and let my guard down and we ended up sleeping together.since then he has been texting or ringing every other day, but now he is saying how he has alot of work lately and how he likes his work, he got a puppy, tells me his misses me.he rang me up last night to say that he would like to come visit me thursday this week, i said yes that would be ok.however this morning i had a good think to myself, and inside i feel like i know that he is just planning on using me as he is single.i do not want to be hurt again so i sent a txt saying that i had to cancel thursday as something had come up.he text back saying ok then another time maybe.am i right in what i believe his plans for me are?i suppose im just looking for outside opinions.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 March 2010):
He's 'got a puppy', he 'misses' you, he 'likes his work'. God almighty he's laying the crap on isn't he!? This is a man who has cheated twice, dumped you twice, one of those times on your birthday, and slept with you as soon as you let your guard down. These are not the actions of a man in love. These are the actions of a total ass. Cut all contact and never bother with him again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): It seems he's trying hard to change how he previously acted toward you, but it's really hard believe he'll change after being that cruel before, and then after all that time, he wants back in, but nails you the first visit he gets. Even at that, though, some people actually do seriously try to change the way they are and the way they treat people, as easy as it would be not to forgive and forget. I guess as long as you feel he's worth being around when he does respect you, and you believe by the ways he acts that he has changed his cheating ways, it can't hurt to casually date him, for now, and see what he does. I don't know that I would get too close too soon, though..take it slow for awhile, and let him earn your trust. I know if I was a girl and he came crawling back and the first day back into my life he takes advantage of the fact I'm drunk and fucks me, that would be his ticket back to where he came from. If he was any decent, respectful person, he would at least wait for a bit until he thinks about screwing, rather than taking the first chance he gets, especially after how he used to treat you when you were together. That shows that he doesn't really care so much what you think or feel, but only truely cares for himself, above all. You know by his eyes and his movements and the way he talks, if he's changed or not..if he slips up trying to act different, but he's still the same badass, and you pick up on it, don't get close to him at all.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (3 March 2010):
 Walk away right now and never contact this man again.
I read your post and with each paragraph I read I kept thinking 'oh no.' He's used you before and he'll do it again. You were vulnerable and available and he took advantage of that.
Even though you've made some poor choices before, it's great to see that you're finally beginning to realize his motives. Take it one step further and tell him once and for all that you want him out of your life and that you never want to hear from him again.
He's worthless and he doesn't respect you. Don't give a minute of your day to someone like that. He's doing this because you allow him to and have taught him that he can.
I really hope that you stop all contact with him...completely, no texts, emails, visits, 'just friends,' etc...NOTHING. This man is a parasite and only you can get rid of him.
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