A
male
age
51-59,
*amesy4444
writes:I have been separated for 9 months following a 14 yr marriage which ended due to my ex wifes gambling. I met a lovely woman through the internet and we go on so well chatting on the phone every night for hours. i met her 4 times and we were due to go away together for the weekend, but the weekend before she was upset cos i didnt tell her my ex was coming round for a meal with me and my kids as the kids had asked her too cos it was mothersday. She has said she needs time to get over it and she accepts nothin happened but keeps saying she needs time. I decided to leave her alone for 2 weeks. It is killing me cos i have fallen for her and if i had known that this would happen i would never have let my ex come round. What i am wondering, is she just saying goodbye or does she mean she needs space. as when the two weeks are up if she says the same i dont think i can take it. i feel so hurt.
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female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (25 April 2007):
 I am so sorry you're going through this. Relationships aren't easy in general, and they can seem doubly difficult when you add in exes and children. I think that your partner may be struggling with the complexity of the situation--it can be very daunting to realize that your partner has an ex in his life who he lived with for so many years. The connection between you and your ex, made over time and children, can seem impenetrable to new partners.
I would actually suggest giving her less time than you are. Definitely give her space--don't show up at her house unexpected, or call her constantly, but perhaps consider writing her a letter, sending her an email, or have flowers delivered. I know that when I ask for space, I am often wanting to get away from the feelings brought on by being around my partner, so that I can be more logical in my decisions. And being more logical is not always a good thing in love.
I would tell her how much it hurts you to be apart from her like this. Let her know that you are thinking about her while she takes her time. Make sure that you are making it perfectly clear how much she means to you and how ready you are to move on to a future with her.
Best of luck to you.
A
male
reader, lupa-k +, writes (25 April 2007):
I can appreciate that its hurting, but I think you need to give her a chance and some space ot decide what she wants here. However painful it is, try to give her the two weeks to work things out in her own way, and make it clear that in future you will be completely honest with her on the situation with your ex.
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