A
male
age
30-35,
*razybeast
writes:Is my mum starting to except that I'm gay after a year and a half?We didn't get along for a long time and suddenly like a switch she has changed back to her normal self, we don't argue as much and now she has started to warn me about sex... A bit creepy but I think it's a sign of her acceptance... Like she asked me some questions like if I was a virgin still, if I've "been" with a guy and today she said to make sure to use protection.What do y'all think? Is she finally out of the "shock" phase?? Xx Beasty xX Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): It sounds promising. Did you fall out with her as a result of your coming out, or did it just put a strain on relations?
She probably still thinks of you as her little kid, it seems to her as if yesterday you were playing with train sets or whatever and she's blinked and all of a sudden you're grown up - and, shock horror, you're gay. Even mothers (and fathers) of straight boys/girls don't like to think of their offspring becoming sexual beings.
Her asking you those questions is an expression of concern - maybe it's been on her mind, wondering are you safe and sensible. That said, I don't see that you're under any obligation to tell her anything at all about your love/sex life unless you're entirely comfortable with it. I'm assuming she was just being friendly and chatty rather than asking you in an accusing way. All she needs to hear for her peace of mind is 'I always use protection - please don't worry'. The rest is your business.
As for general breaking of the ice? It is in both of your interests to have as warm, friendly, sympathetic and positive a relationship as possible - to get on well as adults and enjoy each other's company. Could well be that she found it a real hammer-blow to realise her son was gay - a simple question of taking time to come to terms with it. I'm assuming most mothers react so (mine did - very hard time looking her in the eye for a year or two). Now, we have a blast watching Desperate Housewives or Sex and The City, share a glass or two of wine, go out for coffee the odd time, have fun helping dad and sister with the cooking on family occasions. There's no awkwardness at all, we have a great laugh, and we'll even make innocent comments about passing gentlemen. But you also need to keep a certain distance. She doesn't want or need to know about my lovers; I'd prefer not to know about hers. She bought me a fireman calendar which I thought was hilarious and sweet; a book called 'Gay Sex, Gay Health' on the other hand felt reeeeally awkward, just soooo embarrassing, though I can appreciate the gesture.
Just keep it up, do what you're doing, talk about your bf ONLY in so far as you feel comfortable doing so, and if you're happy, then she'll be happy for you.
Best of luck
A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (25 April 2011):
It sounds like it yes, so good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous711  +, writes (25 April 2011):
Maybe she has been looking into it, she wants be there for you now. She may find it hard to accept but maybe this is her way of saying, she is fine with it. I dont think being gay is an accepted thing, i accept people for who they are. But your mum may find it difficult because she imagined her little boy getting married and having kids and all that. but she may be accepting that you are growing up plus making your decision, she is with you as long as you are happy.
...............................
|
