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anonymous
writes: Hi everyone,now before I start I know that I have done a terrible thing so please don't give me any grief!I just want to know what you think,ok im 23 and I have been seeing a married man who's 49 for 2 and a half years now,we were and are best pals,I am happy with the situation cos im happy being single,I do love him so much but I have nor will ever demand anything,I never want him to leave his wife and all that.Anyway im getting quite concerned as over this year he as been showing signs of controlling,I will list a few examples;1.He hates it when I miss his phone calls,always gets 'funny' with it and I have 101 questions thrown at me about why I missed his call!2.He gets jealous about other men in my life (friends)3.We went away for a few days for my birthday,on my bday night he got drunk and fell asleep at 11pm,so I went to the bar next to our hotel,when I got which was at 1am he went mental at me,just was shouting at me like a mad man-why?4.He also tried telling me what to wear when we were away.There are many other things,he as recently told his two nephews about me and that I was his-im not!I don't know what to think about this,what do you guys think?Thank you in advance everyone! xxx
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 I'm afraid some thing's are black and white for instance, married or not married.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): truth be told this guy is tryin to control you and if he's telling people your his when he's married he is probably using you. I understand that you love him but you have to think about how much you really know him, has he lied to you? do you think he would lie about himself to make you want him? has he ever hurt you? is he aggressive? if he really loved you wouldn't he break it off with his wife? he doesn't own you and shouldn't treat you like that he should no way be jealous of you hanging out with boys, he shouldn't even be jealous if you had a boyfriend as he has a wife! now i may be only 12 but i know a lot about adult relationships as my parents my aunt and uncle and grandparents have all had problems in their relationships
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 July 2008):
Wowie, such a nasty PM from you, must have hit a nerve!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEYESWIDEOPEN-Well that's where you are very wrong indeed, I think about his wife all the time,so I suggest you keep your lousy opinions to yourself.If I put EVERYTHING into the question it would be about 10 pages long,typical,someone coming along and seeing black and white,you don't know the half of it love.
To everyone else-Thank you so much for all your answers,really appreciated.Take care. xxxx
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 July 2008):
I assume that since you don't mention it, you don't give a rat's ass about his poor wife and what all this might be doing to her. Who care's about how YOU'RE getting treated, what about his wife?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): I think it's quite simple really - you tell him you're his bit on the side and that he doesn't own you and never will, not even if he left his wife for you and married you. You are your own person and you alone can choose your friends and who you talk to, and he needs to know you wouldn't do things any differently even if you were in an exclusive relationship.
Regarding your clothing, he probably wants you to wear something he likes to see you in, maybe a mini skirt or low cut top I imagine, just so that he can pull his shoulders back and silently announce to all and sundry "She's with ME - aren't I quite the lucky one?"
He certainly does not have any right to speak to you the way he does, and I think you'd be wise to put some distance between you until or unless he sees things in their proper perspective. Jealousy is just about the most destructive emotion there is, but he has absolutely no right to act like that.
You know there's no long-term future in this, so why not find someone who can offer you all their affection rather than the occasional bonk and a night out? Put yourself in his wife's shoes. You know you wouldn't like it much.
Having said that, if I was in his shoes I'd probably feel like the cat that got the cream without having to buy the milk and the cow as well.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Yes, he is starting to try and control you - and he trying to judge you by his standards. You are wrong to be involved with a married man, there is no doubt about that, but he is treating you like YOU are the one who is being the cheat. Also, by describing you to his nephews as "his" it shows that he is treating you like a prize possession, trophy, proof of his virility, not a lover. He wants to swagger about being all stud-like going "Hey, I may be 49 but I can have this hot 23 year old at my beck and call!"
Do yourself a favour, get out now, give yourself some time to recover and then meet a nice unattached guy for a casual or full on relationship, and not someone who is so selfish that they would risk the happiness of their wife and children. And his controlling ways will only get worse and worse as time goes on because (a) a controller cannot help but become more controlling and (b) he knows he's getting older and he is fearful of losing his "sexual stud status symbol" (you).
Time to go, hun, time to go.
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female
reader, andyb  +, writes (3 July 2008):
run while you can and before you give this man anymore precious years of your life.
he's a control freak and judging you by his standards, he cheats on his wife and children, sneaks around and lies and he is assuming that you are at the same thing.
even if he was your boyfriend and not married i would be telling you the same thing.
this is not healthy for you, you're 20's are precious and you should not have to deal with this.
it sounds like you have it pretty well sorted out in your head you just need to make a decision, should i stay or should i go.....
best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): I think you should realise that his man wants his cake and eat it too!! He wants his wife at home with the kids and you the younger new model like a trophy piece on his arm.
Your worth much more than this and you are throwing your life away on this guy when there are so many guys your own age out there! Tell me, what will happen should you meet a guy that you like a lot and would like to get serious with? If he gets jealous now what will he be like if there is some one more serious on the scene?
Get away from him - like you said you are not his property to be treated like that! You sound like a smart lady so please act on this and finish with him.
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