A
female
age
,
*valone
writes:Is my marriage salvageable?We are both 2nd marriage people. We have been together 20 years 17 if those married. We couldn't get enough of each other at first now we barely spend any time together. Sex is blahh and not often maybe one to two months apart. We don't share the same bed due to his back injury. He sleeps in his recliner. He may be home one or two nights a week. The other nights he's with his male friends. I feel lonely and sad most of the time with some anger and resentment mixed in. I tried to talk to him about how I felt I even threatened to leave at one time. He thinks I'm over reacting. He seems quite happy with things the way they are. I tried getting involved in other things like church and clubs to occupy my time but when I'm by myself and he's with his friends the sadness overwhelms me. I don't know what to do. Some times I feel like a room mate rather than a wife. I hurt so much inside. oh and he would never consider counseling. So what do I do?
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reader, justquestions +, writes (23 January 2011):
I have been in a similar situation as you but wanted to be around as a father. The children are now either grown and gone or just about gone. I felt the same thing you did. My wife and I didn't really fight a lot, we just didn't have much in common any longer and I was afraid of the empty nest stage and knew I had to do something to fight it. I was the one who looked for a marriage counselor. She didn't want to go. I went alone. We are now separated six months and she seems to now regret her decision, but still doesn't want to go. I'm not sure where this will lead. I do feel I had to do everything I could though before moving on. You should do the same. Eventually, what Kilardy said is correct. You have to make a decision. After the length of time you've been married though, give it a good shot first. Just realize where it may lead.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): He sounds as if hes got things about how he wants them and hes not considering you at all. If threatening to leave didnt work and he cant see what the fuss is about because hes 'fine' then hes being selfish and he needs a wake up call! There are only so many clubs you can join. None of which is going to make your home life any happier by the sound of it. So have you thought about having a break. It will give you both a chance to reflect and decide if marriage is what you really want. And rather than you go. As he prefers his recliner to getting into bed with you. And he prefers his pals to spends much time with you. Ask HIM to leave...with his recliner. Prehaps he could take it and stay with his pals for a few weeks. If after that time hes woken up to the fact that you arent happy. He might then consider going to a couples counsellor with you x
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (23 January 2011):
The only people who can answer your question are you and your husband. Have you told him that you think the two of you should go to counseling? It sounds as if you assume he won't go. If you do ask (or have already asked) and he won't go, then you have a decision to make, don't you?
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