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Is my lust for a teacher unhealthy and should I talk to someone about it?

Tagged as: Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 December 2008) 7 Answers - (Newest, 9 December 2008)
A female United States age 26-29, *ictoriaAnn writes:

So I’m kind of anxious because I truly feel that I’m beginning to have an emotional attachment to my English teacher. He was my teacher last year, and he's my AP teacher this year. When I speak to him, I accidentally stare into his eyes, appearing as a fool. He's married, though he doesn't have children. I always get so tongue-tied when I’m around him--at least in class. I'll go up to him almost every morning just to talk and make up work, etc. I'm so comfortable when we're alone, it's unsettling. I'm having recurring dreams of him. They're not so much sexual, as teasing. It’s so constant in my dreams, we're never touching, but we're both so eager to. I find myself fantasizing about him to the point where it's becoming an obsession. A secret obsession, none the less. It's strange, because I have a boyfriend, who I've been dating for over a year now. He has no idea, but we're not in the best shape, we're not compatible for each other anymore. Then there's another strange concept--for many years, I've been wishing to become a high school English teacher. Maybe it's just the idea that he's so intelligent, beautiful, and analytical? Maybe I’m falling in love with the idea, not necessarily the person. How can this happen? I have to refrain myself from practically jumping over his desk to just hold his scruffy face in my hands, and stare deep down into his deep green eyes. It kills me, this is agonizing. I feel that if I don't say anything, I’ll just be acting like such a masochist. But if I do say something, then I’ll have to spend the rest of the year being immensely mortified the entire time I sit in his classroom. I hate the fact that I’ll be eighteen in just a few months, and I’ll be gone from the school…forever. I’ll never be able to see him again, to stare at him, at his enthralling beauty. I swear if I were just a few years older, I’d do practically anything just to call him mine. Is this unhealthy, should I express this by telling a counselor or something of that sort?

View related questions: my teacher, teasing

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A male reader, NightStalker United Kingdom +, writes (9 December 2008):

EVERYONE!!!! REPEAT EVERYONE!!!!! Has a crush on a teacher at school dont worry it will pass. I'm sure if his as gorgeous as you say your not the first and certianly not the last.

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A male reader, Neeraj060 India +, writes (9 December 2008):

Neeraj060 agony auntIt's Ok to think about your teachers that way atleast I thought about it for some of my teacher's.I hope tht I could be with them and just like you the same idea used to go through my head as well.

But Dear wake up there is a whole lot that you have to see before you can talk about in life.There is a complete world out there explore it.Fininsh your studies go to colleage...get a job.

What you are expereing is quiet normal.Other Kids your age might have the same idea that is running in your head.Just imagine what if your Gang of girl al of who are in love with approach him at the same time and ask him o get married to them ?

That's right it is a bit confusing...What I am trying to tell is let this Wonderfull Life of our's...have all this crazy emotions,so that no one can break it.

Even if reading all the article you do approach him and he reject's you because his choice is something else you would be heart broken,torn to pieces,you feel like ther is no sense in living any more....

So take the advice and concentrate on your studies my child.

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A male reader, metalinvasion92 United States +, writes (9 December 2008):

metalinvasion92 agony auntUmmmm ya I really wouldn't tell him who you feel because mainly he's your teacher and that would just be awkward for anyone who knew whenever you are around him. I think your more in love with the idea than the person, I wouldn't worry too much about it because basically everyone i know boy and girl has a person who is older then themselves who they are slightly obsessed with, You should just finish up the year and have fun, there's plenty of guys out there..............good luck :)

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (9 December 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntI'm going to assume that you're the student. Don't tell him anything about how you feel. That will backfire on you and you will be mortified.

I think that you are actually falling in love with the idea of being an English teacher, that your dreams and feelings are your subconscious mind trying to deal with the uncertain future. You're not compatible with your boyfriend, and you probably trying to figure out a way to end things without any upset or pain for either of you. Your mind has created this fantasy about the teacher as a way of relieving this stress you're feeling.

Wrong boyfriend, worries about the future and college and which career path to follow, there are tons of things going on in your life.

Don't compound them by adding a weirded out teacher to the mix. He's married, he'll go home and tell his wife that there's another student who has a crush on him. They'll have dinner, talk about this for a bit, then move on to whatever other issues are going on in their lives.

Start a journal, if you haven't already, and put all this into it, keep writing, keep adding details and feelings and thoughts. You'll have some great stuff to read when it's time to write your novel.

Good luck in school.

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A female reader, Teacake United States +, writes (8 December 2008):

Teacake agony auntIf in fact you are age 10 - 12 I'd be surprised because the writing style appears to be that of an adult.

Is this perhaps the teacher?

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A female reader, countrymom United States +, writes (8 December 2008):

your posted as being 10-12. its just a crush but it is unhealthy. he's at least 10 years older than you and he's married. you should know on your own that it's not right. i think, tho, that its just a crush. whatever you do do not act on them. even tho i'm sure that he'll not act upon it either if anyone saw you try or overheard you you could get him fired or possibly put in jail. it's normal for a young girl to have a crush on her teacher, but the extent of your obsession is very very very unhealthy. you need to talk to you counselor about your feelings and if that doesn't help then you need to go to your parents about this and stress to them that you need some help. good luck with getting help.

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A female reader, deb777 United States +, writes (8 December 2008):

deb777 agony aunt Yes,i think it is unhealthy.This teacher knows not to go beyond the boundaries with someone alot younger .He could certainly get fired if you or your teacher act on the feelings. He may not even have an interest in you,as you do for him. It is normal to have a slight crush on a teacher. But not healthy for you, to keep fantasizing over someone,you will never have. I suggest you seeing a counselor to talk about this. Not anyone else. Hope i helped.

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