A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife cheated on me.. we broke up, I filed divorce we got back together before it was final. 2-3 years later she was in the same room with a guy that shot himself (her bro in law) and she got into a deep depression left me, I moved out, took kids, filed divorce we got back together and she cheated on me like 1-2 days after we got back together i found out about it a couple days later and we broke up I was very upset and finalized divorce immediately. All she did was gave her number to some guy the day after we got together, then we broke up (basically so she could date him) they fucked, and now her and i are back together............Things are going well for the most part....... she is seeming very committed again... just like she had been when we got back together a few years ago...... Our divorce is final already, I have custody of kids, she is being a fairly good wife but I just cant get over the trust issues and she is not really trying to help me get over the trust issues... she is basically telling me to get counceling and learn to accept her for who she is and learn to trust her........She is saying if I want things to work out I am going to have to "just trust her" .... And she is very open about letting me look at her phone or whatever and I admit that I should not HAVE to look at her phone, and thats probably me being "controlling" but i really dont care... i am who i am... I feel that I have EVERY RIGHT to not trust her.....I WANT things to work out.. I really do... But Im having a VERY HARD TIME beating this trust thing...I cant even make love to her without thinking about the other guys she "dated" and the two she has had sex with since we have been married..... (Assuming she is telling the truth about it being 2.......) So any advice on getting over this? I dont know why im posting really i guess im just venting because I know the answer is I should move on... but Im not going to take my own advice because i "want" to be with her... i really do... im a sucker i guess but i love her so much and I feel sooo bad I just wish I could get the thoughts out of my head about the guys shes been with and I wish I could just trust her.....
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broke up, cheated on me, divorce, got back together, move on, moved out Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): It is difficult to trust again, but from experience I can only suggest, get counseling, individually and then as a couple. It does help and make it so much easier to work through your feelings and all the issues that you might not even be aware of right now.
My suggestion is tht you talk to her and start counseling a.s.a.p. Even if you just start on your own to deal with the trust issues. Your counselor can aways invite her to attend a few sessions at a later stage when he/she feels time is right and you are ready.
To me and my husband it helped lots.
A
male
reader, stormbringer  +, writes (8 December 2008):
I've cheated on my partner dozens of times... i was caught 3x. the last one was even on video and i did already give up on myself. That time i already asked her to just give up on me and go home. I think my womanizing was so bad that i was going to die like that.
Then i found a cure... It is thru the Lord. I got invited to church and after several visits it hit me. you just have to open up. i discovered that no one can watch over any person 24 hours a day.. and even if you did devote all your awake hours watching him, if he really wanted to, he can still find a way to cheat. But if you bring him to the Lord, every time he sins there will be that guilt feeling.
So my answer is, you tell him, if you love me and you want me to trust you.. lets put our relationship up to the Lord. Lets do what he wants...
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