A
female
age
41-50,
*icole03
writes:Hello everyone. Im new here and I've read many articles about long distance relationship which is my problem right now. Well I am a lesbian...and I have a girlfriend who now works in Worsley, Alberta, Canada. We've been apart for a month now. Im here now in the Philippines and planning to follow here there and work. Well the problem is...before she got to her work in canada, we planned that I will follow her there and we will work in the same resto (same place). But about two weeks, she changed her mind. She told me that I should go to the city(Edmonton-8hrs away from worsley)so that she can grow there in her place and me too, in the city. Since then I became restless, and started entertaining negative thoughts that maybe she dont want me anymore because of the sudden change.I even wake up in the morning crying but I dont know why. Long distance relationship is very new for me and I am trying to be strong. I know that my world now is so little since I dont have work right now. I dont know what went wrong...maybe she bacame stressed because everytime that we talk(everyday) we always talk about how I will get there. Well, please tell me. I know that she is very busy and now she is enjoying her new environment. Is that natural that I feel that she dont need me anymore and I tell you, she is so pretty that any man will want her. And I am scared. The only thing that makes me strong is that she still have plans to be with me in the future. Pls help...I am so down right now.I dont know why she dont want me near her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): Maintaining a long distance romance is hard enough when all is good, but when you feel as if your other half is lying, a distance relationship can become a gut wrenching and painful experience.
It seems that she wants to set up her own life, and probably thinks that by you coming she will have less opportunities to develop a social network of her own.
What about moving to the same city but work in a different place? You could both be together without having to be 100% of the time together.
You should suggest that to her, and if she is still not that keen then you could start worrying.
But be warned: letting fear immediately turn to paranoia is a sure way to end a perfectly good relationship. It’s best to keep these thoughts to yourself and play it cool until you have evidence of something going wrong. LDRs are relying on trust to survive, so make sure you are not making things up where they don’t exist.
For more LDR advice and community feedbacks check http://www.waiit.com
Good Luck!
A
male
reader, Crafter  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Hey Girl,
New here as well, but I'd like to tell you couple 'o things.
I've had a long distance relationship and it crashed badly. Basically it was all pain and suffering and tons of frustration. So in the end we decided it would be best if we just break up and keep moving forward.
Pretty much anyone you ask would tell you that those are really hard to maintain, but not impossible so don't give in to fear.
It is hard not being able to be close to the person you love and care for. And it's especially hard when you don't have body language to guide you which makes it difficult to see through your actual intentions. She could say one thing, but mean something completely different.
My advice: Talk to her. If she cares for you, she'll be honest and tell you where you stand. It's only normal to be edgy when you are separated and I'm sure she'll understand how the situation is reflecting on you.
In any case - don't be discouraged. Things are usually way better than they seem.
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A
female
reader, lexy79  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Hey Nicole, sorry to hear you are feeling so down right now. Relationships at the best of times can be challenging, frustrating and nerve wrecking but when you are half a world away... that makes everything even tougher.How solid was your relationship before she left? Was it not possible for you two to make plans to travel together and depart at the same time? What was the reason behind the plans to go to Canada? It's hard to gauge a situation from the basic scenario you've outlined and there isn't much detail for me to go on but I'm wondering if she is a bit younger than you? Also you mention that any man might want her.. are you doubting her sexuality? Or is she bisexual?To be honest you don't sound very happy in yourself and with your own life right now.. I know it is hard to do (and so easy for me to say!) but the most important thing you can do right now is focus on yourself. Why aren't you working? Get working, get earning! Keep busy, be active and exercise which will help clear your mind and keep your body in good shape. You have to start thinking about why you are going to Canada, if it is what you really want or if you are just following some girl who doesn't sound like the safest bet.. If you can manage to bring it up in a non confrontational manner and without sounding too needy, next time you talk express to her your concern. You could even ask her outright if she still has feelings for you. Maybe try something like "I know that you are really busy adapting to a whole new world over there but I miss you over here and it's important for me to know if you feel the same. I don't want to change my life drastically if you are not still sure about our future"Don't feel down, you are a strong young woman and obviously attractive enough to attract the attention of pretty girls. If this one doesn't work out, try and learn what went wrong, don't blame yourself, and keep moving forward.Good luck :)
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