A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid:I am a 30 year old woman in a long distance relationship for about 3 and 1/2 years. We planned to get together for the pasted year but it just hasn't happened. However, the fact of the matter is that I do want to move in with him, but there is just one little problem. The problem is and has always been his ex-gf. At the begining of our relationnship it was a big issue in our relationship 'cause he would not be honest with her and would not tell her he was with me. Now, after almost 4 years, he sometimes tell me he feels guilty for cheating at her. I talked him that I had nothing to do with it, 'cause I thought that he had talked her all this time, and thought he had talked her about us. To make the story short, he stills talk to her and keep track of her. And eventhough, they are not together anymore, I hate that he keeps calling her and she keeps calling her and know each other bussiness. I had mentioned him that it bothers me, but he stills keeps in touch with her regarless of my constant complains.I am just tired of fighting, being angry, and frustated due to their constant proximity over the phone. It bother me 'cause we keep a phone relationship as it is, and I feel betrayed by him talking to her behind my back.I don't know what else to do? At this point I am questioning my moving in with him at all. Why should I move in with a person that is still attached to his ex-gf somehow. I love him deeply, but this situation has been so long that I am carrying all that frustration and angriness within me and it has not made me happy. I am constantly checking him and can't trust him because of that. My confidence is at my lowest, and so is my self-esteem. I find myself comparing me with her; and it is just so crazy for me right now. Sometimes, I feel like I have no place on his life, and he does not deserve me. I am constantly asking the same questions: is he still in love with her? does he love me? If he does love me, does he love me more than her?
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confidence, his ex, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): You are in a difficult siutaiton. What I can tell you from personal experience is that he still has some type of a bond and or feelings for her. If he did not he would discontinue his communication. You have to find out what exactly this relationship is with her and whether you can live with this.
I am presently in a long distance relationship as well. My ex continues to email spontaneously. Unfortunately my ex and I never had the closure I presume we needed for both of his to move on. Do not put yourself in a situation that you will always be wondering what if...
Best wishes...
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (13 September 2008):
The fact he is still friends with his ex isn't a huge thing but the fact he is refusing to cut ties is.
Tell him you will only move in with him if he cuts ties with his ex. Tell him to chose you or her.
If he cuts ties with her and proves he loves you then move in and after a while when you have your confidence up and your own friends to go out with then perhaps he can get back in touch and their friendship won't bother you.
If he is not prepared to make this change then don't move in. Moving in together is a huge step to take so you have to be sure.
Good Luck!! xx
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